Friday, July 23, 2010

Sealife is tired of our shit!

Let’s jump in, shall we?

Pause…consider…continue.

Or maybe we shouldn’t.

This bitch has been catching up with the sorta-news on the internets.  My dawg-based companions, Betsey the sorta-beagle and Theo the Bay Master, assisted by curling up next to me and getting their snore on.

I read the story about the whale that dropped some serious whoop ass on a yacht off the South African coast.

Then there were reports of a jellyfish that stung 150 or so humans…even after it died.

And…well, it would seem that sealife is tired as hell and not gonna take it anymore!

Mmmhmm, these sea-based creatures are sending a message – “Don’t fuck with us!”

Oh, ‘tis easy to dismiss an angry whale’s attack on a yacht as a random thang…but, even if reports that the yacht harassed the whale aren’t true, this bitch thinks that whale was pissed at the eco-damage humans have done and indulged in a public display of aqua-anger.

Shit, I don’t blame the whale – some assholes in a yacht are getting their sail on in the middle of the whale’s dinner plate and probably disturbed the whales groove too.

She…and I just know it was a sistah…had enough of that shit and decided to remind the yacht that she’s the Head Whale in Charge!

As for the jellyfish…well, the same holds true – a day at the beach for a pack of humans is a motherfucking mob riot in her water-based living room for a jellyfish.

And no water-based life, be it sea or river or pond, wants to go out like that catfish in Missouri…to live long enough to get big as hell only to be taken down by some humans killing time out on the river.

That was some fish’s Great Grandma Cat, damnit!

Shit.

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

These incidents of sealife anger cast the recent appearance of sharks off the coast of Maine in a different light.

People need to ask themselves if those sharks are just taking a swim…

…or could they be planning something.

Blink.

5 comments:

Rileysdtr said...

I love the concept... Didn't M Night Shamalamdingdong make a movie about the planet revolting over human pollution? I am a bit foggy on the details as I saw the flick on a 767's seatback during a red-eye from San Diego, but I swear it had that theme.

It's why I adore the Midwest - I can go out in a freshwater ocean where nothing's gonna eat me.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you left Asian Carp smacking folks out of their boats and invading the Great Lakes out of this seafood attack on humanity. Hilarious post. And a cautionary fish tail.

C-Money

FieryFemFarmer said...

The only thing about our Midwest waters however... is that almost none of it is good anymore.

The toxic levels of herb- and pesticide runoff from industrialized farming in our "lakes" is linked to cancer in hundreds of studies.

So, really, the choice is cancer or to be eated.

Oh, and the movie is The Happening.

Library Lady said...

Rileysdtr, don't be so sure. Ever heard of Nessie? ;) And with all the toxins FieryFemFarmer has correctly noted wind up in the Great Lakes, I'm surprised we haven't encountered any giant mutant fishies yet.

This is hilarious, and about damn time! Fight fishies, fight!

Colonel de Guerlass said...

"People need to ask themselves if those sharks are just taking a swim…"
Do you mean sharks are going to ... eat humans?

That would be very courageous, if, as FieryDemFarmer wrote, human beings are full of toxic substances.