Thursday, March 04, 2010

Welcome RFT readers and a quick crash course in Bitchitude 101…

This bitch was featured among several other St. Louis bloggers in the Riverfront Times!

I’m honored…for real…and thrilled to see that my Afro was looking fierce the day they took my picture (wink).

Anyhoo, I’ve noticed an increase in traffic…and I also noticed that a couple of clueless knaves, who may or may not have come over from the land of RFT (knaves have a way of finding a bitch’s blog without the guide of media attention), have attempted to leave comments that violate a bitch’s lone commandment – thou shalt not be trifling.

So, here’s a quick refresher in bitchitude 101...

#1 - We don’t hate Jewish people here...

Pause…allow time for those who hate Jewish people to move the fuck on…continue.

Sigh.

Yes, I "know" Jewish people...I'm a Brandeis alum, you ass.

Pause...allow time for ass to Google Brandeis University...continue.

Sadly, I’m sure there is a blog out there where you can spew rancidity…but this ain’t a “safe space” for that shit and it never will be.

Next!

#2 – There were people in North America before North America was North America and Mexicans in California before California was California and on and on and on again…

Lawd, give me strength.

If you try to leave a comment blaming Mexicans for [insert social ill challenging just about every state in the union, even those without a large minority population]…cough…that comment will be rejected.

And we can keep doing that dance…cause a bitch’s Reject Asshole Comment Finger is in great shape after five motherfucking years of this shit…or you can shoo and get your ig’nant ass back to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch's comment section (yeah, I went there).

#3 – I’m not Catholic…

I’ve never been Catholic.

I was raised Protestant and taught to understand what we were protesting against.

So, save the Our Fathers and Hail Marys for someone who speaks that shit…

…this bitch has a one-on-one relationship with God and she assured me that we’re cool the last time we had a chat.

Wink.

And finally…

#4 – I am black and thus do not require an explanation of what black people do…

Fuck a duck, if a bitch had a dollar for every one of you fucks who overlook the fact that I am black to tell me what black people do, think and want I’d incorporate myself and start making campaign donations.

Christ.

And ‘tis obvious you don’t know any black people…your comments read like speculation from ancient explorers pondering whether sharks have legs or whether the world is round.

Look, I think I’d remember if I’d given birth much less if I’d done so 11 times…and I sure as hell don’t see how I balanced college with the crime spree you seem to associate with me and mine because of the color of my skin…and, although I do adore fried chicken, I’m allergic to watermelon…

...and no, I don’t think I’m better than everyone but I KNOW I’m better than your ass.

Mercy.

In conclusion, all are welcome in the land of bitchitude as long as you avoid being trifling up in my comments. For those who are unsure what trifling is, check out FOX television in Prime Time!

Toodles!

25 comments:

Courtney Chesley said...

Hope to see you at the happy hour Friday! Happy to be included in this fantastic group of bloggers, of course with the Angry Black Bitch!

And your fro looks gorgeous.

IseultTheIdle said...

Congratulations!

TJT said...

Sing that song, Shark Fu! We will start a choir, called Our Lady of Bitchitude Gospel Choir, in which we sing against racism, sexism, homophobia, ablism, ageism, xenophobia and other such social ills. And they will hear our song, but they will not understand; but we'll keep on singing.

Rileysdtr said...

You're black?!?

(clutch the pearls)

(quick Hail Mary)

Glad to hear you're getting more MSM exposure. Global plan for World Domination is setting up nicely - you'll need that crown before long!

KBO said...

Take that, knavish trolls. Wish I could meet you Friday but I'm going North. Another time.

Shark-fu said...

Lawd, Rileysdtr...you made me inhale ice water! LOL!

Thanks all y'all for the congrats!

See ya at Blueberry Hill Friday for vodka crans etc...

I.M. said...

Shark-fu my dear. Once again you slew me with your truth only to resurrect me and then kill me again. I can't take it. *bursts into a fit of uncontrollable laughter at the foolishness of the world* You my dear sister get a shake a of the locs.

*Shakes my locs in salute*

Keep doing your thing sister girl.

Mercutio
aka The Invisible Man

Delux said...

You're Black?

With *that* vocabulary?

*runs*

Shark-fu said...

Mmhmm, you better run!

Wink.

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Preach it!

And congrats.

alexandralynch said...

Ah, there's nothing like Shark-Fu explaining the basic rules. (grin) You either make me smile with pleasure or with grim agreement that someone needs some schooling. And possibly a gag.

I thought fried chicken was just an American thing, anyway. Not that we invented it, but I didn't think a passionate love of it had a thing to do with melanin levels in the skin.

M A F said...

I don't visit your blog enough. But when I do stop and read I am always informed, entertained, and I usually leave with a smile on my face!

Thanks for being thee ABB that you are.

Nat said...

At the risk of sounding like an ass (my favourite prof. in college was from Brandeis which gives me partial marks), why do people think you're Catholic?

Sorry if this is dumb, I'm French Canadian, some nuances escape me?

Courtney said...

"#4 – I am black and thus do not require an explanation of what black people do…"

I am so very thankful that I set my drink down before reading that line.

Shark-fu said...

Nat...I'll clear it up for you!

St. Louis is a rather Catholic town and anytime I post about reproductive justice I get a flood of anonymous comments telling me how to save myself from the fires of hell.

These Anonymouses are clearly Catholic (all that talk of confession and asking Mary for help and so forth)...and I can only assume that my home town is so Catholic that folks just assume even the AngryBlackBitches here are Catholic.

Sigh.

'Tis very strange and more than a little annoying.

Dusty said...

Ya know Shark Fu..if you have to explain this shit..then common sense is evidently in short supply.

D. said...

Thanks for your reply to Nat; I had been about to ask the same question. (I am black and Catholic, but only for the last year or so.)

Other points are spot on and enjoyable with coffee and a hamantaschen. [wink]

Anonymous said...

As a RFT reader who read about your blog, logged on, had a gander at your posts and liked them, I just want to concur that your afro is fierce!:)

SagaciousHillbilly said...

BWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!
Oh, sorry, I didn't miss the issue and seriousness of it all, but that was some humorous stuff.
Always at least one good laugh over here AB.

Nat said...

Ironic, given that when I speak reproductive rights (as a fallen Catholic) I don't get squat from the Catholics.

Very odd indeed. Thanks for clarifying.

bev said...

Lawd! I have found that if you ain't Catholic in SAINT Louis, you ain't nuthin'.

As for the fried chicken, the love thereof and the related melanin levels in one's skin. I am Fried Chicken's biggest fan and I am so pasty white even my white friends comment on my whiteness. Goodness, must be lunchtime...

Southland Diva said...

A Shark Fu Haiku

Oh Shark Fu, Shark Fu

You are supremely sublime

...the blog anyway!


Peace

Southland Diva said...

@ D.

You've only been black for a year or so???

[wink]

Peace

Miss Trudy said...

There are always those out there who love to explain to "the others" what it is that women/blacks/latinos or any admixture/addition to the former "do" and "think" and so on. They are amusing at best, insulting at worse. Like mosquitoes in the night, they will always be around to occasionally buzz around for a few hours to annoy us. Wave them away.

libhom said...

Being gay, I see "Hail Mary" as a salute to a particularly good drag queen.

Congrats on the media exposure.