Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Back from beautiful Arizona and pondering Corn Flakes…

A bitch is back from C-Money’s birthday trip to the beautiful state of Arizona!

Happy pre-birthday to C-Money and many thanks to her for including me in a trip of a lifetime…fantabulous!

I’m almost recovered from witnessing her and a certain Menekse fly off over the Grand Canyon in a helicopter.

Almost.

Lawd, have mercy!

Anyhoo, the upside of going on vacation…other than the cool shit one does while on vacation…is not checking email. The downside is that email waits…like a stinky fart in a humid room. This morning a bitch caught up on my emails and…well, reading several days of them all at once has revealed a pattern.

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

Mmmhmmm, some folks get joy from pissing in the Corn Flakes of others.

Blink.

Okay, so you should know that a bowl of Corn Flakes is yummified…particularly if you haven’t had them in a while. Imagine sitting down for some Corn Flakes…having hooked them up with a ‘naner (translation – banana)…and maybe you even had a few spoonfuls, so you know that shit is yummy. Then, out of nowhere, some asshole appears and takes a piss in the bowl!

Wrongness!

I honestly had stopped noticing but a wee break from email illuminated that shit and daaaaamn!

Shark-Fu’s review of Corn Flake pissing emails up in my inbox…
The “you just need to get laid” email…
I don’t know who told people that getting laid made a person blind to injustice and bullshit, but whoever it was lied to their ass. I’m all for a healthy sex life…FULLY support it (wink)…but I promise y’all that regular sex will not cure the need for bitchitude.

And, as these emails demonstrate, getting laid sure as shit isn’t the cure for ig’nance.

Next!

The “people are racist/homophobic/bigoted/rancid about all manner of things…so what? Talking about it only contributes to the problem” email…
The easy answer is that not talking about injustice hasn’t accomplished a damn thing, but that’s responding to the surface and ignoring the real proposal within such emails. What these emails really say is that the author doesn’t want to hear about that shit and would prefer to live their life in a state of willful dismissive ig’nance unless an injustice jumps up and bites them in the ass in which case they then want the world to stop so everyone and their dawg can address the wrong done them.

Well, that’s just precious…and a mound of steaming intellectually lazy fubarity too.

Not talking about a hungry polar bear breathing down your neck aint’ gonna prevent that bear from…well, um…doing what hungry polar bears do.

Wince.

And damn it all to hell if that’s not a lesson fools seem to need to learn over and over again…even though we know that the odds of them escaping that bear are low and even though there are tons of examples of folks not escaping that bear and even though we can do some things to make sure hungry metaphor-based polar bears aren’t lurking about amongst the masses denying them civil rights, equality and/or life.

Go ahead and get your denial on, though.

But you may want to remember that you aren’t on parole and reading this bitch’s blog is not a condition of your work release program.

Blink.

And finally, the “didn’t you know that [insert identity they don’t respect and secretly fear] are lesser than and thus worthy of abuse? That’s why I support abusing them!” email.

If I had a dollar for every asshole who sends me an email trying to educate me about my own damn self and how unworthy of equality and respect I am in the hope that I’ll slap my forehead in shock…shout “eureka!”…and give up activism, this bitch would be able to fund the International Intervention Against Fubarity, Ig’nance and Bullshit program I’ve long dreamed of starting.

Since no one has started a Cash for Ig’nance program, a bitch is left to wonder at that shit.

I’m more than aware that the price of logging on is feedback from the masses…and, since one huge benefit of logging on is also feedback from the masses, I’m willing to wade through the rancidity in my inbox.

I just wish that shit was a little less predictable.

Is it too much to ask for the knavish among us with internet access to take the time to get creative?

***cue crickets then log off while craving pee-less Corn Flakes***

10 comments:

AOB said...

I cannot believe you wrote this post for me. You see I got another one of those rancid bigoted Obama emails from an elders wife at church. (This has been going on since Obama announced he was running for President so I think I have been more than patient). Getting my ok my ass has had it email on I forwarded it to the pastor and resigned my membership effective immediately and not open to discussion or home visit.

Free at last
Free at last
Thank God almighty
I am free at last

Rileysdtr said...

So maybe if the polar bear on work release got laid...?

Welcome back - glad you had fun. I am going way (and I mean way away) out of blackberry range starting next week. I am accepting wagers as to how many emails will me waiting for me upon my return!

IseultTheIdle said...

Welcome back, and happy birfday to C-Money.

Keep on bitchin'. We needs ya.

Julia said...

"And damn it all to hell if that’s not a lesson fools seem to need to learn over and over again…even though we know that the odds of them escaping that bear are low and even though there are tons of examples of folks not escaping that bear and even though we can do some things to make sure hungry metaphor-based polar bears aren’t lurking about amongst the masses denying them civil rights, equality and/or life."

Oh, you make me laugh. That is exactly how it feels.

On another note, I haven't seen much of these unfortunate types lurking in the comments. Are they only emailing? How cowardly...

Shark-fu said...

Julia...I think they had a knave convention and decided through a majority vote to email.

Sigh.

I'm pretty sure that it's not as much fun for them as dropping rancidity in the comments but they seem to be getting by okay...

Southland Diva said...

Travel brings joy and relaxation, but email awaits - a Shark Fu Haiku

Peace

lonestarslp said...

Too bad the Ignorants can't have a special email tag so you know not to read them while eating breakfast!

L.Jackson said...

Glad u had a blast on vacation..lol, the travel channel showed pics (similiar to yours) on TV Sunday night..even down to the squirrel..grin..so I laughed & thought bout u!

Ugly emails...me wonders why they bother to read u if want to get ugly..but really I do know; something about raining down negative w/i their souls on anyone that thinks or willing to stand up. U go gf!

Dusty said...

Sweet-Jaysus-in-a-friggin-speedo woman! You made me hoot and holla like a crazy woman reading this post!

Love this line:
And, as these emails demonstrate, getting laid sure as shit isn’t the cure for ig’nance. ~ W00T ;)

Margurite said...

I would have thought that getting laid would cause people to go out and make waves for justice.

You know, if everybody was doing what they were supposed to be doing in the bed, you wake up after your nap (if you're not tired, somebody was slacking) you're all fired up and ready to go wreak havoc on ignorant people.