Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A quick exploration of Senator Ensign’s violation of the sanctity of man-on-woman opposite marriage…

Senator John Ensign R-Nevada has admitted to violating the sanctity of man-on-woman marriage by having an affair with a married staffer.

Pause…consider…continue.

Does that count as a double violation since both he and the woman were legally and sanctity-ably man-on-woman married?

Or is it a one affair = one violating kind of deal?

What?

I’m just asking.

Cough.

Senator Ensign had been one of the many Republicans positioning for a run for President in 2012. He was also a big time anti-equality opponent of same-sex marriage ‘cause he just knew that if gays could get married then opposite marriages all over Nevada would explode into sin.

Mayhap he could sense that the domestic partnership law was going to pass and even the thought of that produced a large enough crack in the sanctity of his union to…oh, fuck that shit.

Let’s jump right on in, shall we?

This bitch isn’t litigious by nature, but I’m feeling that something must be done here!

According to standard Republican talking points, Senator Ensign did more than step out on his wife – he engaged in acts that violate the sanctity of a social institution that is the very foundation for American society!

Because of Senator Ensign’s infidelity, dinosaurs may roam the earth once more and eat wee little chil’ren for breakfast while dawgs and cats get married every Thursday and rivers reverse course and people spontaneously turn into pillars of salt.

And, if this bitch were the litigious sort, I’d take legal action against Senator Ensign and his one-man campaign of social destruction. True, I don’t live in Nevada…but I do like to visit when I can and since when does a body have to live in a state to dabble in it’s marriage politics?

Blink...followed by a wink...followed by another blink.

Anyhoo, if I were the litigious sort I’d file a lawsuit on behalf of all man-on-woman married Nevadans demanding that Senator Ensign be removed from office and banned from representing the masses because he is clearly a security risk…and he owes the folks who got divorced while he was getting his affair on something too since everyone knows that his marriage influences other marriages the way same-sex marriage would influence opposite marriages.

Right?

So, since Senator Ensign’s sex life is clearly a threat to social stability…and, given his previous statements on marriage, he would be the first to agree that marriage should be protected…he’s gotta pay.

And the chorus said… “But Shark-Fu, you’re not a litigious sort!”

And a bitch replied… “Good point.”

But ‘tis long past time for these marriage equals one man and one woman people to start living the values they feel entitled to impose on the masses!

Come to think of it, what we really should do is oppose his separation from his wife and any future divorce that may be in the works.

Yeah…uh huh…I dig it.

The problem isn’t that he cheated…the problem is that he thinks he can separate from his wife and have an affair and then reconcile much like folks over-eat while on vacation and then go back to counting points.

Well, this bitch says that the Ensigns can’t be separated again and sure as shit can’t get divorced.

They just can’t!

Because separations are disgusting and insulting and wrong according to the Bible and threaten our society and undermine traditional values and will make children think that fucking around while married is no big deal but still a big enough deal to toss aside a union made before God that is supported by the great state of Nevada.

Mmmhmmm, the Ensigns are just going to have to shut up, sit down and stay married.

Mayhap one of his anti-choice supporters will loan him one of those quarters they are always suggesting as an affordable option for birth control to put between his knees and assist in his effort to not violate the sanctity of his union while at work?

And the chorus said… “But Shark-Fu, what right do you have to judge Senator Ensign and make decisions about his marriage and relationships? You don’t even live in Nevada and his marriage is a private matter between him and his wife that has nothing to do with you and doesn't threaten you in any way!!”

And a bitch replied… “Exactly.”

Here endeth the bitchitude…

25 comments:

Paul said...

Amen. I often wonder why these crazies thing that us gay folks getting married will ruin the sanctity of heterosexual aisle-traipsing everywhere. Seriously, if straight people can't break marriage then what makes them think WE could?

And I never know whether to be amused or depressed that the people throwing the biggest stones are always always, ALWAYS the people in the biggest, sparkliest glass houses.

Bette said...

Beautiful.

a.eye said...

"Because of Senator Ensign’s infidelity, dinosaurs may roam the earth once more and eat wee little chil’ren for breakfast while dawgs and cats get married every Thursday and rivers reverse course and people spontaneously turn into pillars of salt." -- Hilarious.

And right on point with your ending.

Perhaps all the people in other people's sex lives need something like this to occur in their own lives so that they will understand the desire to have people stay out of their relationship business. Why should he (and others) be in the relationship of others if they are trying to keep their relationships and their problems under wraps?

Anonymous said...

Amen, sister.

(O.T. would be & more-than-likey-is PROUD of you)!!!

Dusty said...

W00T! I love you Shark Fu! You can bitchslap idiots with the best of em m'dear!

Please Gawd, strike these hypocrite's down with a good ole fashioned lightening storm ok? There would be thousands of em getting nailed by that lightening all over the US of A..bet on it. ;p

hal said...

they almost make it too easy, don't they? like they all got together at the RNC and said hey! let's put together a bunch of social arguments you could punch holes in with a nerf ball.

dinthebeast said...

"...since when does a body have to live in a state to dabble in it’s marriage politics?"
Thank you so much...
Also, was this creature aware that Las Vegas is in the state he represents while he was going on and on about how serious marriage is?
Does the phrase "Las Vegas marriage" still mean what it used to mean? I'm just curious.
-Doug in Oakland

Shark-fu said...

Awww, Anonymous - that's high praise indeed!

Anonymous said...

No, the money was up here at the top: "Does that count as a double violation since both he and the woman were legally and sanctity-ably man-on-woman married?

Or is it a one affair = one violating kind of deal?"

You are a national treasure. Please keep at it.

Max Reddick said...

Just think. He was going through this sanctimonious BS when all the while he had him a little piece on the side. And he would not have come clean now had it not been for the threat of blackmail.

Perhaps there is a set of moral dictums that apply only to the little man.

There is a special spot in hell reserved for Ensign and his ilk.

Anonymous said...

You had one thing right - you are definitely a bitch

Mari said...

A bitch has spoken, and it was true.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for expanding the vocabulary. Litigious.

I think Ensign's actions speak more than anything against him.

Stupidity runs its course, and this one's a marathon.

Trick Razor

Shark-fu said...

Confession - the best thing about having a blog titled AngryBlackBitch.com is that it frustrates the hell out of Anonymouses...

...and inspires regular comments like the one above that beg the response - DUH?!?

Fantabulous!

Dianne said...

Not to mention that her husband AND son also worked for Ensign, and that she got a juicy promotion that doubled her salary shortly after the affair began.

Party of Family Values my foot.

Southland Diva said...

{disengaging cloaking device}

Shark Fu!!!!!

Been reading for a few months now and am de-lurking to express my inestimable appreciation of your blog.

Not only is Ensign's hypocrisy a problem, but if what I've seen/read about the story is true; and the husband was attempting/threatening blackmail, then....

What in the world???

Is blackmail the proper response when your spouse/coworker cheats on you with your employer/U.S. Senator??

There is a serious lack of morals and ethics and whatever else one can think of running all up and through this situation. Sadly, this pitiful exercise in ego, greed, and plain old foolishness has become the norm.

{Deep sigh}

Peace

catnmus said...

"this bitch says that the Ensigns can’t be separated again and sure as shit can’t get divorced."

I disagree. I think Ensign should be FORCED to get divorced! He has obviously completely disrespected the sanctity of his marriage, and thus has no right to have a marriage. Because you just know he's going to be doing this again and again. Maybe a few hundred forced divorces, turning their children into bastards and losing all those federal benefits that they say don't matter much anyway will turn the light bulb on.
And of course the spouses should get everything - house, child support, alimony...

Shark-fu said...

Welcome Southland Diva!

And good to see you again, catnmus!!

And to clarify - in my earlier comment I wasn't refering to the Anonymous comment right above...but to the one that just had to call a bitch a bitch as if a bitch didn't know myself to be a bitch when I woke up this morning. Priceless!

All other Anonymouses are not included (wink).

Anonymous said...

*phew*

I spazzed, paused, considered.
Thanks for the clarification. ;)

Trick Razor

libhom said...

Ensign should be left alone. All Goppers are entitled to their hypocrisies.

mmmpossible said...

Well said girl! Keep their asses honest (and keep us informed as only you can).

Be Well

DaisyDeadhead said...

I love you!!! This is an awesome post.

David said...

You rule.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

HAR! Good one. The mind of a lawyer.

Personally, I don't care what he does or doesn't do with is dick, but hipocricy needs to be pointed out and you did it with a fine touch!

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