Tuesday, January 02, 2007

A quick review...

Shall we?

Fantabulous!

This bitch couldn't avoid the coverage of the execution of a Saddam Hussein...and it got me thinking about the entire Saddam saga.

The Capture…
Saddam was found in a hole-esque bunker.

Okay,hold it.

Fuck that shit.

That was a motherfucking hole! Bunker my black ass. Saddam was pulled out of that nastified hole looking tore up…hair all crazy tore up. A bitch watched the telly as images of Saddam being inspected for...ugh...flashed across the screen.

Now, this bitch was surprised that they didn’t just blow Saddam’s ass away outside of the hole.

What?

Well, I was! But I quickly came to the conclusion that the United States must want a trial. Yeah, they must want some confirmation that Saddam was indeed the Dark Side and the new Iraqi government is indeed full of goodness thatshines like a warm light and shall serve as an example to the region, which will facilitate the eventual democratization of the blah, blah and blah.

Oh, fuck it.

Ahem.

My ass came to the conclusion that they wanted a trial to demonstrate that Saddam was a tyrannical asshole. Which was known to our government…cause we used to be tight like that...way back in the day when Saddam was our tyrannical asshole.

So, bring on the made for television call to justice!

Not.

The Jerry Springer-esque Trial…
Post invasion war crime trials of known used to be our homeboy tyrants should go smoothly. There’s an abundance of evidence…everyone wants to find the tyrant guilty…no need to fret about an impartial jury…hell, you’ve even got a fresh off the motherfucking presses judicial system that was written knowing that said tyrant might one day be brought before it.

But the trial of Saddam started to play out like the mutant love child of Maury P. and Jerry Springer! Assassinations…attempted assassinations…public rantings and fist wavings…damned if they didn’t even have a pseudo-protest infused 24 hour I changed my mind right before breakfast fasting.

Shit, we can't even get a well produced show trial out of these assholes!

Okay then.

Cough.

Anyhoo, surely the current puppet government is going to pull it together post conviction and get some mileage out of the execution of the tyrannical leader of the former puppet government.

Not so fast...think again!

To the gallows…
A bitch was amazed by the coverage of the conviction…and the apparent confusion coming forth media wise on the next steps.

And once the press got a hold of the law…and found out that Saddam was legally mandated to go to the gallows within 30 days of his conviction being upheld on appeal…well, you would have thought a hanging was on CNN’s Christmas list!

The ever updated and yet still somehow breaking news headlines were full of bloodlust.

This bitch was waiting for Soledad O’Brien to host Explaining HangingsA Parent’s Guide to Discussing Executions.

Mercy.

But for sure they’re going to pull it together, lead by example and administer justice with the kind of clarity of purpose Saddam never afforded his fellow Iraqis!

Certainly they…

We?

Ummm…they, if you believe the West Wing, have learned something and will take this moment to join together as one nation and bring an end to the…

Mission accomplished…
Oh, for the love of GAWD!

Who the fuck brings a camera phone to hanging?

Jesus!

How the fuck did people fail to notice?

Pause.

And was a bitch the only person pondering South Park movie plot angles as the CNN Noose Ticker time clock wound down?

8 comments:

Nancy said...

Nothing surprises my ass anymore. A friend whose work took him to Riker's Island last week said that the prison guards were hawking photos they'd taken with their camera phones of James Brown lying in state for $35.

B. Kitty said...

You took the words right out of my mouth, Gorgeous.

I think that one of the most nauseating things I have ever seen on television as of late was CNN's "Countdown to the Execution" graphics.

Saddam Hussein was a bad man - granted. But he was still a human being. Rejoicing in the death of anyone makes us a little less human...at least in my opinion.

Maya's Granny said...

Mission accomplished…
Oh, for the love of GAWD!


Yes, I do admire your mastery of the English language. You make it sing in ways that very few approach.

And, by the way, I agree with you completely. It is incredible that Dubya found yet one more way to do it wrong. And on the first of Holy Days, at that, when execution is forbidden by Islamic law.

~Macarena~ said...

Taking a camera phone to a hanging sounds downright American.

lori hahn said...

Okay, I have to pick myself up of the floor I am laughing so hard. This has to be the best news synopsis of the Saga of Saddam I've ever read. Why aren't you reporting their news?

lesley said...

uh, damn...
now that you mention it, this @&^* smells...it's just so hard to deciper it from the huge mountain already dumped...

Steve said...

Bubbeleh, you have the gift of poetry. Camera phone to an execution. Shit!

Myself, I think that they timed it to take the focus over the Last Decent Republican (who I respected, even tho' I disagreed with him).

Ok, here's some of my poetry:

Q: Why was W so sure that Saddam has WMDs?

A: Daddy kept the receipts.

Q: What's the difference between Iraq and Vietnam?

A: Daddy got him out of Vietnam.

Q: How's W like Michael Jackson?

A: They're both chicken hawks who spend more money than they've got.

the kid for real said...

Only an Angry Black Bitch could get it right about Saddam's hanging. My only thought is that it was done so fast because DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES.

And believe me, Saddam had plenty to tell, especially if they'd given him until January 27th to hang. Bush and Rummy knew this - despite Rummy's firing, if Saddam opened his mouth, the first order of business for the 110th Congress would be impeachment and trial for war crimes...