Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Virginification

Yesterday I witnessed a very curious exchange on The Today Show. The exchange was over a study on the impact of Virginity Pledges on teenage sexual activity. The study was released last year but I guess it's just now being published. Basically, a scientist involved in the study and some random concerned Christian advocate went toe to toe with Matt serving as referee.

Scientist "The study showed that teens who take Virginity Pledges delay intercourse. However, they tend to engage in oral and/or anal sex at the same age as their peers. The study has concluded that these teens do not feel that they are breaking their pledge because they do not think oral sex and/or anal sex is "sex". Of concern is the fact that they also do not feel that oral sex and/or anal sex puts them at risk for STD's. So, these teens engage in risky behavior more often than their peers because they are not equipped with the information on the risks of these behaviors."

Concerned Christian Advocate (CCA) "Matt, this is a pathetic politically motivated attempt to attack funding for abstinence only programs. We have tons of data that shows that abstinence only programs work and that teens are taking their Virginity Pledges seriously. I do not validate this study at all."

Matt "But how do you account for the statistical data? The data is based on respondents and their health checks. So, if they tested positive for Crabs after having taken a Virginity Pledge that would seem to back up Mr. Scientist."

CCA "I do not believe in the existence of Crabs, because I am a Creationist. Also, how do we know that these kids were not actually Heathen Ho's masquerading as Virgins? Huh? How about that? This study is bogus!"

And it went on and on. It was a joy to watch. Honest, Matt said anal 6 times before it was over!!

For shits and grins, let's explore a few terms.

Friends With Benefits - Let's keep it real, people. FWB existed when we were teens. Just because you called "Tim" your boyfriend after one date doesn't make blowing him any less of a FWB act. Today's teens are simply more honest about getting their freak on. So, if you are waiting for "Jenny" to get a "real" boyfriend before you have the talk, you are playing Russian roulette with her menstrual cycle and health. Invest in condoms, the pill and a good sex ed. book. 'Cause your precious little girl is taking that cheap assed silver ring off and blowing Mr. "He's just a friend" every Thursday between 3pm and 3:30p (edit to original post per feedback that there is no such thing as an hour and 1/2 blow-job, even for the very young).

Defining Sex - Y'all conservatives did this shit to yourselves. By obsessing over a girl's virginity, discouraging masturbation and defining sex so ridgedly that kid's wonder how they were ever conceived you have created a generation of teens who have a corrupted definition of sex. ABB defines sex as anything that gets you off and/or can result in contracting the "gift that just keeps giving" (STDs). "Jenny" needs to know that those blow-jobs after school and before band practice count. "Timmy" needs to know that the itch isn't going to go away and that he and "Jenny" might want to take a trip to the clinic. Just because you don't talk about it doesn't mean they aren't doing it. Come on people!

Abstinence has been at war with Human Hormones since the dawn of man. Arm teens with the facts and they will stand a fighting chance in that war. Send them into battle armed with a cheap assed silver ring and a Certificate of Virginification and they are like lambs to the slaughter. MmmmHmmm. Orgasms will win every single time.

7 comments:

Wirthy said...

Just about every girl I meet claims to have taken a Virginity Pledge. I think they're lying to me though.

Tony Grant said...

I don't think they are unique in their approach, it's just the camera is on the suburbs now!!

Tony Grant said...

You guys need to ck out my website lovesbible.com it's on and popping

Tony Grant said...

wirthy, they are lying!!

justjudith said...

people are just too naive about kids and sex.

This Guy said...

Well, if these Christian kids don't consider oral sex to be sex, then can I still be arrested if I let some hot 16 yr old boy from Chesterfield blow me? I'll bet some Jesus freak loving parents would have trouble ignoring the facts then.

DarkSideOfTheMoon said...

Once, when I was young, I thought I knew stuff 'cause I could read a calendar. I thank God my girlfriend knew how to say "No!" - Otherwise I'd have a 46 year-old calling me "Daddy" but I'd be dead 'cause girldfriend's mama woulda killed me.