Crazy Pants

Dear Michael,

How have you been? Busy? Yeah, I understand. Got a lot of stuff on your mind. Too much drama to deal with? Well, I certainly don't want to add to your burdens. In fact, I'm hoping that this letter serves as a sort of catalyst for positive change!

You're probably wondering why you're hearing from me after all this time. Well, I was watching this new show on A&E called Intervention. No, you wouldn't like it. There's a lot a 12 step stuff and talk about dealing with demons and so forth. I'm only bringing the show up to explain the motivation for my letter. I haven't contacted you since that Lisa Marie naked on a stage video fiasco.....see I can adhere to a restraining order. But I digress.

After watching Intervention I realized that I, and most of the American public, are enablers. It's true!! We've been letting you run around like a mad man. We've overlooked the atrocious plastic surgery, interesting if not medically plausible pigment modification and child-shrouding. Hell, you even got away with dangling your child over a balcony! What other Black man can lay claim to that? All in all, we've hurt you by enabling your behavior with interviews and documentaries and return back into the country after dangling your child over a balcony like a FAAAAAAHHHHHHREAK! Whew. Give me a minute. Okay. I'm sorry....this is just so hard for me.......

So, in an effort to help you I am going to have to practice a wee bit of tough love.

Michael. (deep breath)

YOU HAVE LOST YOUR GOD DAMNED MIND!

Let the healing begin.