Okay, y’all…I’m back.
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement!
Y’all remember last year when a bunch of exotic animals were released in the middle of the night by their owner in Ohio?
Mmhmm, there were 911 calls from folks saying “I think I just saw a lion and bear fighting on my deck!” or “There’s a panther swimming in my pool!”
Okay, those aren’t exact quotes…but close.
Anyhoo, the owner killed himself after releasing his animals. Tragically, police concerned about an outbreak of suburban lion attacks killed a lot of the animals. Some of the animals consumed the other exotic animals and…well, let’s just say it was a clusterfuck of a situation that made national news.
The crazy freak-out-and-bring-the-dogs-inside situation itself was newsworthy.
But the event also brought attention to the lax regulations of exotic animal ownership in Ohio. In the aftermath, politicians pontificated about passing new laws while animal welfare activists pointed out the need to end the exotic animal trade in America.
Fast-forward to today…and go ahead and bring your dogs inside if you live in Ohio.
The widow of the owner who killed himself after releasing all those lions and tigers and bears just won the right to get the surviving animals back.
Even though there are concerns about the fact that cages have not been fixed.
Even though there are concerns about the conditions the animals were being kept in prior to last years fiasco.
And the choir asked… “How can this be, Shark-Fu? That doesn’t make a lick of sense!”
And The Shark replied… “Anti-regulation freaks in government strike again, my friends!”
Ohio is working on bills…but for some reason lawmakers think the ban on exotic animal ownership should not apply to current owners. Even if the proposed legislation becomes law it will not apply to folks…and we’re talking about a lot of folks…who happen to have a lion or bear about the house.
I don’t even want to think about what the law says about animals born to animals already being held in Ohio. Lawd, a person could have thousands of animals roaming outside of Columbus and it would be freaking legal!
This is Don’t Tread on Me gone wrong.
Shit, I just spent a day lobbying a few Missouri legislators who would consider exotic animal regulation a mandate and oppose it even though it makes sense…cause “liberty ain’t easy” and “patriots gotta hold the line.”
Who wants to bet that the Tea Party solution to exotic animal drama is regular militia-based big game hunts in the burbs?
And don’t get smug just because you don’t live in Ohio…there aren’t any border fences between states and you can bet your ass the average pride of lions will just love getting their Heartland hunt on if another owner decides to liberate them from suburban bondage.
***clutches snack-sized sorta-beagles***