Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Are you there, Satan? It’s me, Jane!


State Senator Jane Cunningham has introduced a bill that would minimize child labor laws.

Yes.

For real!

No, I’m not joking.

After weeks of watching the Missouri Legislature do everything but address the economy, Missourians now have a clear view of how the Republicans in charge plan to get their stimulus on.

Behold SB222…introduced by a contender for Most Wretched Missouri Legislator of the Year, Senator Jane Cunningham (R-Chesterfield).

I’m guessing that Cunningham, ever a faithful minion, consulted Satan prior to filing this shit.   

Mmmmh, and the consultation probably went something like this…

JC - “Are you there, Satan? It’s me, Jane!”

Satan - “Jane!  What’s up, girl?  I haven’t talked to you in a month of Sundays.”

JC – “You need to stop!" laughs breathlessly "I’m cool…chillin’ here in Chesterfield and trying to figure out how best to serve you.”

Satan – “What’s on your mind?”

JC – “Well, I recently watched Oliver Twist on television.  I’ve got to tell you, Satan – child labor was some of your best work!  It kept the wretched little fuckers off the street, increased available labor, and made discussions of public school education ridiculous.  Why pay to educate children when we should be putting them to work, right?  I love it!”

Satan – “Stop…you’re making me blush and that’s not easy for a crimson-faced demon lord to do!”

JC – “Well, it’s true!  Darling, I’m planning to introduce a bill that would roll back some of the pesky laws protecting children from ending up in a workhouse.  I just wanted to make sure that would please you.  I live to make you happy…my legislative biography speaks to that, big time!”

Satan – “OMG, go for it! I love it! Best Valentine’s Day gift evah!”

***cue maniacal laughter***

Or, more likely, Senator Cunningham came up with the Oliver Twist Had it Good Workhouse Revival Bill of 2011 by herself.

Blink.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Considering there is not enough work for all the people out there who need it, how will this help the economy. Yet another stupid idea.

DaisyDeadhead said...

*giggles* You know what? I just love you.

PS: In my genealogy, found where some 10-year-old Irish ancestor lost two toes in a sawmill. Good lord, I thought, what the hell was he doing in there? Oh. I see.

What a clumsy kid.

Anonymous said...

What a clever posting and what a wretched creature Jane is. I bet she's a christian too.

I read recently that right now the US has the same standard of living as Argentina and that the 2030s, we'll have the standard as Mexico.

What a go Jane, working towards that Mexican standard of living.

Anonymous said...

Wow...I almost don't have words. You know, the only part of that bill that makes any kind of sense is that very last bit. I can see how businesses might have told people with kids who can't afford daycare before that they can't bring their kids to work with them because they'd get popped for having "child workers" present.

So getting rid of that could potentially help some folks. But the rest of it? Images of child trafficking popped into my head when I read the part about children being able to work in any capacity in hotels and other areas where lodging is done.

Wow...just..wow

coco loco said...

you made me laugh out loud. thanks :)

coco loco said...

you made me laugh out loud. thanks. :)

Nat said...

This is a joke right?

68W said...

I don't think you actually read the bill before getting angry over this.

If you see the exceptions to the child labor law you will see all the jobs listed that prevent a child from working in a labor environment.

This bill should really be called, Modification of the Child Labor Laws for children in acting and theatre. Children aren't allowed to do ANY MANUAL LABOR and are required to have a parent with them AT ALL TIMES. Essentially this makes having a child actor easier. Justin Bieber? The Olsen Twins? Exploited or not, since the parent ultimately has control of the child, why shouldn't they also be trusted with the decision to let their child act?

Most if not all of you are being alarmist. Read the damn thing please.

Shark-fu said...

You know what, it is possible to disagree with me without insulting my intelligence.

I read the bill. Trust me, that was not fun since it was yet another poorly written legislative malfunction.

'Tis that which is actually the issue. What people say they "intend" legislation to accomplish and what it is actually written to "do" or allow to happen are often two very different things.

I've yet to read a bill that accomplishes what the bill summary states.

And this rancid mess is not the exception to that rule.

How's that for not being alarmist?

***rolls eyes and returns to the unenviable task of reading yet another poorly written bill***