Monday, October 04, 2010

The Official Invitation to folks in the legal profession to attend the inaugural Black Mass of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks!


Shall we?

A bitch is up pre-dawn and working on my first cup of coffee because I’ve got to travel to a mid-state meeting today.

Yawn.

Anyhoo, whilst my coffee was brewing I noticed a story about how a bunch of our Supreme Court Justices…along with Vice President Biden…attended the annual Red Mass held by the Catholic Church for the courts.  The Red Mass, started to celebrate the legal profession, has morphed into an embarrassing mix of religion, politics and the law.  High profile religious leaders are asked to attend by invitation only.  Past homilies have railed against abortion and that pesky separation of church and state. 

All in all, the Red Mass is a yearly challenge – the Supremes and elected officials have freedom of religion and can attend a Red, White or Blue Mass if they want to…but we the people also have cause for concern when their freedom of religion runs up against our right to freedom from religion, given the Catholic Church’s habit of lobbying and writing legislation or even threatening to deny Catholic politicians communion if they don’t do as the Church instructs.

Sigh.

‘Tis complicated, but this bitch has a solution!

Mmmmmhmmm, how ‘bout having the Supremes and Vice President Biden etc. attend a special Black Mass conducted by my church, the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks! 

The day would kick off with some community service at a local shelter for teen mothers in the ‘hood, ‘cause that’s how we roll.  We’d then gather outside in the park for a service…and our homily would be delivered by one of the UCoBaLDD faithful, who would speak on how Supreme Court rulings impact the lives of average Americans and then whatever the hell else was on their mind at the time.  All are welcome at our services and we'd finish off with a rather yummy soul food dinner at Sweetie Pie’s.

I’d love some one-on-one time with Supreme Court justices and the Vice President…I’d love to be able to share my expectations and concerns with them...I'd love to have the kind of access the Catholic Church has.

And no, I would not deny Scalia, Thomas, Breyer, Alito or Roberts the blessed sacrament of corn bread.

But I would remind them that, contrary to what they heard at the Red Mass about protecting rights granted by God, they are charged with protecting rights that come from a government made up by we the people to serve we the people.

Pause…consider…continue.

Oh fuck it.

Who the hell wants to attend a Bitchitude revival with that crew, who likely would spend the entire time whispering about heathens and the wrath of God while singing off key and making toddlers cry with their scowling faces?

Unless we could manage a laying on of hands to cast out demons…

But, what are the odds?

Blink.

9 comments:

Royal Ranch said...

But if you invited all those politicians, then cast out all the demons, who'd be left? Ha!

ktcro said...

i live in maine, am petrified of flying, and am completely broke, but i would totally get my ass to missouri for this.

Anonymous said...

I really think you should write them all letters because while it is their right to attend such gatherings, they can not allow their views to be clouded. In fact, now that I think of it, I don't know that it is ok for them to attend, is it not a conflict of interest?
Hmmmmm

catnmus said...

Do it! Send the invitation, and worry about the attendance later. I'd sure like to see that meet-up!

macnow said...

"ktcro said...
i live in maine, am petrified of flying, and am completely broke, but i would totally get my ass to missouri for this."

KTCRO, pray to the flying sphaghetti monster...

http://www.venganza.org/

I swear to pasta he will cure your fear of flying and make you rich and wholesome once again.

bevskid1 said...

Hopefully, I didn't double post...Can we exchange the communion wine for vodka crans?

Shark-fu said...

My bad! I thought y'all knew we drink vodka crans for communion! No lime...

Shark-fu said...

Oh no you didn't just try to preach pasta up in my bitchitude church!

Audacious!

Wink.

Rachael said...

love you, ABB.