Wednesday, March 10, 2010

By request, my thoughts on former Congressman Eric Massa…

Morgan from Vancouver, Chris from Hot-lanta and Jaime from Chi-Town requested a bitch's thoughts on Eric Massa.

You asked for it, so let’s jump right on in.

I didn’t know who the fuck Eric Massa was…or that the House Ethics Committee was investigating him…or what the hell he was being investigated for…merciful heavens…until Eric Massa lost his damn mind and started talking and talking and talking and talking some more.

This is one of those moments when a Congressperson involved in a shit storm within the Beltway fails to understand that his shit storm is contained to the Beltway and, as a result, takes to talking about that shit storm with national media and thus expands said storm of shit all across the nation and beyond.

Sigh.

My understanding is that last week then Congressman Massa was under investigation by the House Ethics Committee for allegedly groping male staffers and interns. At some point, Massa said he was resigning because of a recurrence of cancer…but that quickly morphed into his admitting that he was resigning because of the allegations of groping…and then it morphed again into Massa claiming that he was set up by the Democratic Party because he planned to oppose the health care reform bill.

Pause…consider…continue.

Somewhere in there Massa also claimed that Rahm Emanuel confronted him while buck naked in a gym shower.

I know, I know…major TMI…but I’m trying to stay on top of this public display of How to Destroy Your Political Career in Less than 10 Steps.

Cough.

Yesterday Mr. Massa…no longer Congressman Massa…went on the Glenn Beck Show to plead his case.

Note to Democrats in the midst of blowing up your political career – going on Beck to claim that you’re a victim of a Democratic conspiracy is like holding a press conference denying infidelity from your mistress's bed.

Anyhoo, that should catch us up as much as we can be caught up with Mr. Massa's addiction to talking and talking and then talking some more.

Whew.

Here are my thoughts on this mess.

#1 – As much as I wish the Democratic Party indulged in strong-arm politics to hold members accountable should they vote against the health care reform bill…

…something tells me that shit just ain’t happening.

Or maybe it’s only happening to those members who expose a major weakness…like a tendency to grope multiple staffers and interns who then report that shit.

But its not as if Massa denied the groping…well, okay he denied it and then “owned” it and then denied it and then attempted to put it into context.

Fuck a duck, this shit is confusing as a motherfucker!

Fuck it - I’ll believe the Democratic Party is playing rough and setting up health care reform defectors when Congressman Stupak is found in bed with two small farm animals and Senator Nelson.

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

#2 – This may be a case of “Oh, my gods…look at that...is that a dog riding a skateboard?!?”…

A bitch suspects that Mr. Massa, who used to be Congressman Massa, may be trying a little ignore and redirect.

See, even though Mr. Massa is no longer being investigated by the House Ethics Committee for groping male staffers and interns ‘cause he’s no longer Congressman Massa, he is still subject to the ramifications of groping male staffers and interns.

At least I hope he is.

Come to think of it, is Mr. Massa still facing an investigation...any investigation...into sexually harassing staffers and interns?

***cue crickets***

Mercy.

Well, he should be facing an investigation.

Resigning from Congress shouldn’t close any book but the ethics investigation book on that shit.

We can’t have Congressmen exploiting their position and power by harassing and assaulting staffers and interns then resigning to skip out on punishment.

And the choir said… "Bitch, did you forget about Mark Foley?”

Blink.

7 comments:

Dusty said...

Well, Massa did make Beck look bad..so in that respect it was great theater!

But Massa is a douche nozzle and as such needs to blend back into the background as his 15 min of fame are about up.

Hope he looks good in prison orange..yeah, I know..he won't serve a day.

IseultTheIdle said...

The White House is denying the shower incident ever happened. Curious.

Emanuel is known to be a maniac when it comes to twisting arms on Obama's political agenda, so it's believable and in fact adds to his ferocious reputation. Why deny it?

IF Massa made it up, then that says a little something-something about his fantasy life.

IseultTheIdle said...

Also some conservatives are saying something "doesn't pass the smell test" and advising that they (*cough* Beck *cough*) not embrace Massa.

http://www.weeklystandard.com/blogs/no-massa

OuyangDan said...

...and then I got distracted by that AWESOME shitstorm pic. *want*

Miss Trudy said...

I should comment on the political text but that shitstorm graphic is SOOOOOO cool, I have to comment on that instead. Did I tell you how cool it is? It's so cool I MUST find a good reason to steal it and a good place to use it ...

Anonymous said...

Fuck it - I’ll believe the Democratic Party is playing rough and setting up health care reform defectors when Congressman Stupak is found in bed with two small farm animals and Senator Nelson.


This is the funniest fucking blog post I have ever read. Thanks. I needed that.

pickygirlfoodfilmfiction said...

Lord, woman, you make me laugh. I know the topic is not funny, but you sure as hell are. Thanks for a pretty big chuckle.