Monday, January 11, 2010

Monday warm-up and Blago’s home training fail…

A bitch woke up to the fantabulous news that the temperature is 28 degrees.

Happy, happy, happy and joy times three!

28 degrees feels downright warm after over a week of freezing temps.

Anyhoo, ‘tis Monday and that means a new week and that means a new batch of home training fails.

Shall we?

Jake Tapper of ABC News is reporting that Former Illinois Governor Rob Blagojevich lost what was left of his mind in an interview with Esquire.

"It's such a cynical business, and most of the people in the business are full of s--- and phonies, but I was real, man — and am real. This guy, he was catapulted in on hope and change, what we hope the guy is. What the f---? Everything he's saying's on the teleprompter. I'm blacker than Barack Obama. I shined shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in a black community not far from where we lived. I saw it all growing up."

Oh my!

Who knew that blackness is defined by shining shoes, growing up in a five-room apartment and having a parent who owns a launderette in a black neighborhood located close to where one grows up?

I’ve never shined shoes for a living (confession – I rarely shine shoes period), I grew up in a mostly white neighborhood in the ‘burbs and my father worked in marketing at a soft drink company.

Good Gawd, according to Blago's Scale of Blackness a bitch's blackness is now in doubt!

Add to that my questionable "negro" dialect and...oh my goodness.

Pause…consider…continue.

At least this explains why my Race Card has yet to arrive in the mail.

Blink.

15 comments:

a.eye said...

Just saw that article.

I guess I may not be black either. And all this time, I thought I was filling in the most appropriate box for me.

That man never stops putting his foot in his mouth.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

It's all so confusing these days. I think I might be blacker than you AB!
Damn, best not let the neighbors find out!
SHillbilly, out.

Dailyfare said...

So THAT's why my race card hasn't turned up. Thanks, Shark-Fu!

Rileysdtr said...

Eh, just put an O' or a Mc in front of your name and wear celtic jewelry... we'll take you. To quote the late great Bernie Mac, havne't you ever heard of the Black Irish?

PPR_Scribe said...

I have been reflecting all day about the many ways I, myself, am blacker than Barack Obama. For example, while the President may be light skinned, I am "light skin-ded." The difference is subtle but important.

After this exercise I feel quite fulfilled, complete. I also feel that no matter how much blacker I may be than Obama, I am even much mo' blacker than the former Illinois governor.

This thought will sustain me through the evening and much of tomorrow.

Jaelithe said...

Don't forget Blago is also just like Jesus and Gandhi. And they both had dark skin. Therefore, Blago must be black!

Except that Blago is also just like Jimmy Stewart. And who on Earth is whiter than Jimmy Stewart? Therefore, Blago must be white!

Now my head hurts.

Erika said...

i just stumbled by and this made my evening/early morning! so funny! thank you!

Colonel de Guerlass said...

No need for aspirin, Jaelithe :
"Blago must be black, (then) white":
is he a zebra?

Miss Trudy said...

I read that! I am not black but now I know that the way one should know if another human being may or may not be identified as black is if he or she shined shoes! What the hell??? It is so way out there pathetic it is actually funny. Thank goodness nobody takes anything he says seriously. On the other hand, this guy once got elected! If he says this in public, can you imagine his private comments? Ugh.

Cockbag LLC said...

ABB does that make you whiter than Blago ;). Sometimes you just have to have a little fun with all this ridiculousness.

6p00d83455264569e2 said...

All this time, after all these years. Damn. And to think I've been "passing" for 42 years. Now what??

What a complete ass.

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised to know that since I have not shined shoes, nor lived in the hood, nor lived in a 5 bedroom apartment with ten other people that I am not black. I really did not know. If the criteria rests on the above three requirements, then it is safe to say that most black people are not black. Blago continues to enlighten, or is it lighten?

I can't believe that while lots of people are struggling to make it financially this clown is going to be paid to continue to be an idiot. It is truly the end times y'all. Rome is burning. Can you smell it?

Southland Diva said...

I am requesting clarification on Blago's How To Qualify As A Black Person.

1) Are you black because the shoe shining is performed professionally to make money?

2) If you shined your shoes as a personal task with no money involved, can you qualify as black?

3) If a tree falls in the woods and no one sees it, is it still a tree?

Peace

m Andrea said...

I love this post, thank you! It was truly perfect.

Strangely enough, it was the bit about the shoe shine which topped it for me. Who knew someone could be Black just by shining shoes?

Colonel de Guerlass said...

two points:
* it happens,in Europe, too, that weather gets warmer on Mondays: therefore, days should be only worked Mondays in Europe, at least during Winter...

* the link between the color and the social status existed in Brazil, in the 1930s (according to Levi-Strauss "triste Tropiques" : a man was considered as white once he grew rich) and in the French West Indies in the 70-80s (continental french were surprised to see a very dark -but rich- man insult another , less black-one as "sale nègre"...).
It may be also linked with the ethnical status (some Arabs were darker than Halpularen in Moretania -at least before 1989: I never went there anymore, as it was sommetimes utterly racist): ethnical cleansing -which happen in medium scales (less than Darfur) in 1989 and was considered as a black vs arabic conflict- was based on the language and the way people answered greetings -I was told in Senegal by refugees, some could be considered as almost white-