Monday, April 21, 2008

By request, my thoughts on the debates…

Happy Monday, y’all!

This bitch spent my Sunday getting my eat on at A Tasteful Affair, which is a fundraiser for Food Outreach. Thanks to all the food vendors who provided samples of yummified goodness and congrats to all the volunteers and staff of Food Outreach on an event well done!

Mercy, and Dining Out for Life coming up this Thursday too.

Gawd, a bitch adores food-based fundraisers that benefit a great cause!

Moving forward…

A certain Desi from Cheyenne wrote a bitch an e-mail requesting my thoughts on the Democratic debates.

Well Desi, this bitch has a hard time watching political debates because they contain more posturing bullshit than substance.

And I know my ass isn’t alone.

Very few people can suffer through 21 servings of re-fried policy and overcooked political nonsense. Thus the fall-out isn’t really from the debates themselves but rather from the spin rustled up by all sides involved after the debate is over.

Cough.

Long ago when a bitch was a wee bitch I used to think political debates would be more like the Lincoln-Douglas debates or more Kennedy-Nixonesque. Now, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that these debates are a test of who can fuck up less than the other person while not really saying or challenging a damned thing.

Oh, if this bitch could host a debate…

The scene – the couch-based area in the Casa de Bitchitude complete with comfy lounge and throw blankets for this bitch and the candidates. I'd be situated where the television usually lives between and in front of both couches (for the candidates) which are lined up to either wall…fresh vodka cran and debate notes would be within easy reach.

Both sorta-beagles and Sweetie the three-legged chow would be wherever they wish to be and every human would wear flannel nighties and a soft pair of socks.

Blink.
What?!?
That's what C-Money and a bitch sport when we have our political debates every fucking Sunday!

Shit.

Where the hell was I…oh yes!

My questions would focus less on proposals than on from whence they came...why did the candidate take this approach instead of that one to deal with healthcare, poverty, immigration, national security and the economy?
Who advised them and why...who advised them and then got kicked to the curb and why?
I'd ask what they anticipate the political make-up of Congress to be when they enter office and how they think that will impact their proposals?
Basically, this bitch would structure my debate to the skills needed to do the job these people are trying to score.
How do they think, make up their mind and decide that something is not working and on the way to being fubar and that history will forever indict them and their advisers as the worst administration EVER and damn them for eternity and then some as the oh Gawd....sob...oh, my Gawd...give me a minute...cough...sorry, but sometimes I have these Make This Nightmare End spells...whew!
Mercy.
Anyhoo, I want to know how they approach shit.
Oh and I'd have to ask...

Will you pledge to take no more than two weeks vacation per year while in office?
What is your favorite curse word?

And how do you eat your grits (wink)?
Lawd, a bitch would pay money to see a poll showing a candidate behind by 15 points in a Grits Approval ranking...

3 comments:

macon d said...

I'd ask the candidates to explain in detail just how beholden they'll be to corporate interests. I'd also ask when (not if) they plan to organize a national day of apology from white people. And then how they'll educate white people beforehand so that the apology will be worth accepting.

PortlyDyke said...

I want, want, WANT your debates!!! ABB Debates NOW!!!!

Especially this: "I want to know how they approach shit."

jsb16 said...

I'm sure you'll get that national day of apology, macon d, right after the national day of apology from men, complete with a thorough education of men so that their apology is worth accepting.