Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Random ponderings...

A bitch has been pondering some random shit this afternoon.

Blogs
A lot of people have no fucking idea what a blog is. Some folks know and just aren’t interested in them. Gasp! There are people who have no time at all for entertainment blogs…others who could give a damn about celebrity blogs…and still others who only make time for über blogs.

People often e-mail me with gossip and such about bloggers a bitch has never heard of.

“Did you see what whoeverthefuck at www.whoeverthefuck.com said about you, ABB?!”

Uh…no…and who the fuck is whoeverthefuck anyway? Shit, this bitch considers it an honor to have people my ass had no clue even existed loathing my existence (wink)!

It’s a big world out there…

Entertainment
Just because you are sent into frenzy over Coldplay doesn’t mean a bitch knows those motherfuckers by name. Shit. So, you adore them and think they are the shit. Go with Gawd…but a bitch can’t live your life.

Why must people act like my ass just told them their baby is ugly as hell when a bitch honestly admits to not having a clue about some pop band.

Jesus to Gawd, are you this passionate about all the bands in your iPod? That’s got to be exhausting!

This bitch doesn’t expect everyone to enjoy Miles Davis. Yes, you will be judged insane for admitting that to me…but a bitch isn’t going to get personally offended. Miles wasn’t family…a bitch doesn’t even know his middle name.

Get a hold of yourselves. There are entire regions of the world that have never even heard of Oasis…couldn’t pick Paris Hilton out of a line-up…and think that Eva Longoria is a resort in Fiji.

Munchables
Yeah, munchables. Just about every time a bitch mentions Smarties…and that is often, because this bitch ADORES Smartie-based chocolate delightfulness…someone shoots me an e-mail questioning my sanity.

“Smarties aren’t chocolate, bitch!”

Ah, but they are. American Smarties aren’t chocolate…but the rest of the world has unrestricted access to Nestlé chocolate based Smarties.

Yeah, a bitch thinks that’s a travesty too!

However, America does not have universal chocolate yumminess creation rights. Other countries make their own munchables…for real.

Mind boggling, isn’t it?

Mayhap they can address the vexing problem of international Nestlé Smarties distribution at the G8 Summit?

20 comments:

Dixie said...

You have no idea at what relief I now feel. Just knowing that you'll only think I'm insane but not hold it against me for not being able to listen to Miles Davis makes me feel better. Honest to Pete, I can't handle any Miles Davis.

I don't like to say I hate Miles Davis. I prefer to say that I simply don't appreciate him in the way he likely deserves.

DP said...

I am still contemplating murder if, as is often reported, Snoop Dogg gets the chance to play Miles in a Bio-Pic.

And i LIKE snoop...but that just aint right.


People can be such pinheads sometimes...


I do struggle with having to define the word blog in 2006...TO PEOPLE WHO ARE ALWAYS ON THE INTERNET.

Explaining it to my grandma...i understand.

Geogrrl said...

I had no idea an American version of "Smarties" existed. That explains a lot.

A little Smarties-related trivia for you, ABB. Smarties were originally produced by a Canadian company called Rowntree, which was bought out by Nestle about 20 years ago. *Sigh* and I'm old enough to remember it. Rowntree also produced chocolate bars like Aero, Coffee Crisp, Kit Kat, and Yorkie.

Rowntree and Nestle periodically trot out the "Smarties Jingle"--in use since the 1950s. Pretty well every Canadian kid can sing this one.

-------------------------------------

When you eat your Smarties, do you eat the red ones last?

Do you suck them very slowly, or crunch them very fast?

Eat that candy-coated chocolate, but tell me when I ask:

When you eat your Smarties, do you eat the red ones last?

--------------------------------------

Canadians always eat the red ones last.

Shark-fu said...

Proof that a bitch is not Canadian...ABB tosses them down at random.

Yum!

Dharmadyke said...

Sniff, boo-hoo! My comments are being spamulated or something! I tried to give you a high-five on the not smoking and before, on a couple of other posts too. Waaah. Is it my name? Is your spam-net making me invisible? Sniff. (Tear rolls down cheek.) But I love ABB.

O never mind, I just figured it out. Sorry for the whining. All of those beautiful comments blown away in the wind! I guess it's kind of zen.

Danielle said...

Shit, are you really that famous?

cygirl said...

Though I enjoy Miles, I would never feel comfortable in an area that had collectively not heard of Oasis. Hee hee.

Hey- but where's the Paris Hilton-free zone at? Sounds great to me!

jcc said...

I had no idea a Canadian version of Smarties existed!Smarties were originally produced by a BRITISH company called Rowntree(from Joseph Rowntree, born 1834 in the city of York,UK)about 70 years ago.Anyhoo,ABB,forget Smarties, what you really need to try are Jaffa Cakes.

Anonymous said...

While addressing global Smartie-access equality, would you please toss in a mention for Cadbury Crunchie here in the States? That's *my* foreign chocolate-based poison of choice. But then again, I've never had the privilege of a Smartie...

Lymphopo said...

Anyway, it's Dewey. Miles Dewey Davis III.

Jeff said...

Show of hands: how many of us actually clicked on www.whoeverthefuck.com?

Not that I'm admitting I did or anything.

mikefromtexas said...

FYI: Miles Dewey Davis III. Anyone claiming not to like Miles' music must not have listened to 'Kind of Blue'. Or they are insane. Or not a music lover.

Anonymous said...

Ok...I can't take it anymore....

1. What the hell does "Shark-FU mean?!

2. Why no Star Jones post?!

Special Anon.

Anonymous said...

Re pop music/culture: I never watch American Idol, so I'm pretty out of the loop when people reference the stars du jour. However, at this point, when I hear some soap-opera-ish name in the context of pop music, I pretty much safely assume it's an American Idol performer.

Re Smarties: I've learned about the chocolate Smarties through your blog. Recently I thought I'd see if there were any available in the candy section of the imported foods aisle of my nearby Stop & Shop. While I didn't find Smarties, I found something similar called "Smart Alecs" -- I think they were made by Cadbury or Wonka, but I'm not certain. I didn't buy them, but got Hob-Nobs instead. These are my favorite cookie -- a crumbly, grainy oatmeal cookie ("digestive biscuit") with a generous coating of chocolate on top. They're available w/ milk or dark choc., but I prefer the milk choc. best. I keep them in the fridge to prevent melting. Imported from England. They're the perfect mid-afternoon companion to a cup of tea or coffee.

Hope this helps! ;o)

-- M. in Boston

Geogrrl said...

jcc, you're right--Rowntree WAS a British company. My bad; I was so used to their chocolate bars in Canada that I assumed they were a Canadian company. Rowntree was still bought out by Nestle. I also have my mother send me care packages of Cadbury chocolate from Canada.

I love, love, LOVE digestive biscuits. I prefer them plain, but the chocolate coated are good, too. I highly recommend them ABB. Look for them in the imported food section of the grocery store. Better yet, if there is a store in your vicinity that specializes in Indian or international foods, you'll likely have better luck. The Indian stores carry a lot of British foodstuffs.

Danielle said...

I clicked on whoeverthefuck.com.
There's nothing there.

Yeah, bitch, why no Star Jones post? And what about JonBenet's mother? Seems like you'd have an opinion on that.

Shark-fu said...

Dewey? Hmmm. Well, a bitch adores learning new things.

Shark-fu said...

Special Anon...

#1 Shark-fu is a spin off of my nickname. Sharkette, Sharktastic, The Shark and Sharkie.

#2 Just posted on Ms. Jones Reynolds!

BroncoRose said...

I wish someone would send my ass some Smarties. Instead of relying on my Canadian relatives, I once ordered 10 packs on a web site. It was expensive, oh, but was it worth it.

soopermouse said...

you people need to move to my neighbourhood. The local pound shop just got a generous offer on Smarties- 2 big bags for 1£