Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Pondering The Hammer...

Ah, what a beautiful spring morning in Missouri! A bitch voted early this morning and was more than a wee bit disappointed that my polling spot didn’t have stickers. What's up with that?

Jumping in without delay (a snicker followed by a snort)…

A certain Representative DeLay has announced that he will resign from The House. Oh my! The Hammer is not known to back down from a fight. Whatever could be the matter?

ABB’s Pondering of The Hammer’s Resignation
The Hammer is in the midst of some serious shit. The Master of Nastification is under indictment in Texas and a…err, Aide…umm, minion has pled guilty in the oh shit, we got caught with our hand in the cookie jar Abramoff related ├╝ber-scandal. Still, a bitch didn’t expect The Hammer to bow to the heavy weight of scandal. Honestly, this bitch always thought him more Nixonian in the face of investigations and less Spiro Agnew.

Who would have thought the spawn of Satan smiling out at American in his mug shot with that fuck you grin would ever resign?

Hmmm.

A bitch has a couple of theories. Mayhap The Hammer is really caught in the mousetrap. Could it be that he wants to spend some quality time with his family…does he have a family (shudder)...prior to conviction? Could there be some sort of legal benefit in his move to establish residency outside of Texas? Or is it really true that he has to move in order to clear the way for another Republican to run in his District…and doesn’t that make him an asshole for running in the Primary in the first place?

Fuck that…shit, he’s been an asshole for years.

Or, and a bitch thinks this theory holds more water, Republicans really need DeLay’s seat and he’s mortally wounded by his own corrupt lifestyle, therefore they somehow managed to turn the hammer on The Hammer and convince him to fall on the sword. Rumor has it that this resignation may actually signal a very real concern by Republicans that they may get their asses handed to them in November.

Hmmm.

A bitch is pretty sure that 15 seats hold the sway of power in The House of Representatives and a bitch wasn’t surprised to see the morning news shows waxing on about Republican fear of a November ass whooping and so forth. What does surprise this bitch is the fact that Republicans fear an ass whipping at the hands of a rather disorganized Democratic Party.

Just imagine the minion-based panic if Democrats actually got that act together?

Mercy.

This bitch predicts that the stench of DeLay's brand of politics will still linger over the November elections like a silent stank fart lingers in a stuffy, overcrowded and overheated room. His resignation is the political equivalent of trying to spray air freshener to mask that level of stench, which only creates the nasty hybrid smell of lemony shit.

So long to you, Mr. DeLay. There’s a drug store somewhere in D.C. that’s already lamenting the decline in Just for Men sales…

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

The Hammer's legacy of gerrymandering will live on for decades. Good ridance, I say!

Hard Money

Maidink said...

I believe he is doing this as a sacrifice for the GOP. Theory being if he is out of the public eye and political arena, the association will go away as well. Hence, the GOP will have a cleaner look.

Or it could be the quality time thingy.

Homer said...

If he quits now he gets to keep his surplus campaign money to pay his upcoming legal bills. Plus, he'll be getting plenty o'dollars from conservative Christian groups making his "I'm a Martyr" speech." Blech.

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh....ABB's victory, is my victory....

Tom Delay. Gone. Savor the moment. A long pull from my favorite coffee cup. Leaning back in my favorite chair, I'm thinking of the trial yet to come.

Guilty.

Special Anon.

Anonymous said...

On a much lighter note, I voted today. It was mad fun. I get such a kick out of voting! And there were poll workers there to help clarify some School Board candidate positions for me and express their passion. And the little old ladies signing you in, and the kids on the playground hitting you in the head with their volleyballs ... it's just a hootinanny! Vote, y'all. Don't miss out! Polls are open until 7 p.m.

C-Money, Suffragette

GayProf said...

One can only hope that DeLay withdrew from the race because he knew it would be hard to attend Congress while rotting in prison.

It's Me, Maven... said...

Times like this, I wish geography weren't a bigger bitch than you and me, both, ABB.

Have some extra cran, for me, babe!

Disgusted in St. Louis said...

Happy Happy Joy Joy
Hoping same for Blunts, Roy 'n Boy.

Exclusive: Tom Delay's New Home in Virginia:

We all know by now that Tom DeLay Says He Will Give Up His Seat.

In an interview, DeLay told Time, that he was going to declare Virginia his primary residence.

DeLay:Probably the end of May. But it depends on the Congressional schedule. As far as what happens with my spot on the ballot: The state Republican executive committee will go to work and I will move to Virginia. The state Republican election committee will pick someone to run on this ballot.

TIME: What is it about the law that makes your moving to Virginia important?

DeLay:I become ineligible to run for election if I'm not a resident of the state of Texas.

TIME: Where in Virginia?

DeLay:I own, I live in a condo in Alexandria. So that will be my residence.


Tom misspoke about that condo in Alexandria. Tom Delay's new residence will be in Petersburg, Virginia which:
is located 25 miles southeast of Richmond. From Interstate 95, take Exit 54 (Temple Avenue/Highway 144), proceed east approximately 3 miles, then turn left on River Road.