Ah, what a beautiful spring morning in Missouri! A bitch voted early this morning and was more than a wee bit disappointed that my polling spot didn’t have stickers. What's up with that?
Jumping in without delay (a snicker followed by a snort)…
A certain Representative DeLay has announced that he will resign from The House. Oh my! The Hammer is not known to back down from a fight. Whatever could be the matter?
ABB’s Pondering of The Hammer’s Resignation
The Hammer is in the midst of some serious shit. The Master of Nastification is under indictment in Texas and a…err, Aide…umm, minion has pled guilty in the oh shit, we got caught with our hand in the cookie jar Abramoff related über-scandal. Still, a bitch didn’t expect The Hammer to bow to the heavy weight of scandal. Honestly, this bitch always thought him more Nixonian in the face of investigations and less Spiro Agnew.
Who would have thought the spawn of Satan smiling out at American in his mug shot with that fuck you grin would ever resign?
A bitch has a couple of theories. Mayhap The Hammer is really caught in the mousetrap. Could it be that he wants to spend some quality time with his family…does he have a family (shudder)...prior to conviction? Could there be some sort of legal benefit in his move to establish residency outside of Texas? Or is it really true that he has to move in order to clear the way for another Republican to run in his District…and doesn’t that make him an asshole for running in the Primary in the first place?
Fuck that…shit, he’s been an asshole for years.
Or, and a bitch thinks this theory holds more water, Republicans really need DeLay’s seat and he’s mortally wounded by his own corrupt lifestyle, therefore they somehow managed to turn the hammer on The Hammer and convince him to fall on the sword. Rumor has it that this resignation may actually signal a very real concern by Republicans that they may get their asses handed to them in November.
A bitch is pretty sure that 15 seats hold the sway of power in The House of Representatives and a bitch wasn’t surprised to see the morning news shows waxing on about Republican fear of a November ass whooping and so forth. What does surprise this bitch is the fact that Republicans fear an ass whipping at the hands of a rather disorganized Democratic Party.
Just imagine the minion-based panic if Democrats actually got that act together?
This bitch predicts that the stench of DeLay's brand of politics will still linger over the November elections like a silent stank fart lingers in a stuffy, overcrowded and overheated room. His resignation is the political equivalent of trying to spray air freshener to mask that level of stench, which only creates the nasty hybrid smell of lemony shit.
So long to you, Mr. DeLay. There’s a drug store somewhere in D.C. that’s already lamenting the decline in Just for Men sales…