(Oh don't you know) that's the sound of the men working on the Cain Train…

What?

I can’t help it if my mind went there with that song.

Blink.

Jumping right on in…

A woman has come forward alleging…

Pause…consider…continue.

Damn if that phrase… “a woman has come forward alleging” … isn’t as tied to politics as honey is to biscuits.

Um…anyhoo…so a woman has come forward alleging that she and Herman Cain have been involved in an affair for 13 years.

The Cain campaign (say that ten times fast) is sorta kinda denying the accusation. 

I’ve got to give it to Cain, he is a living case study of whether or not people caught up in a shit-storm should engage and confront or dodge and redirect.

Mercy.

Cain's attorney, Lin Wood, provided WAGA (the station that broke the allegations…um, most recent allegations) with a statement saying blah blah… "appears to be an accusation of private, alleged consensual conduct between adults -- a subject matter which is not a proper subject of inquiry by the media or the public."

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

Wood added...

"No individual, whether a private citizen, a candidate for public office or a public official, should be questioned about his or her private sexual life."

Cough.

Um, Lin...jumping up into private citizen’s bedroom-based business is a plank in the GOP platform. 

Hell, the reason we’re witnessing a shit storm about who fucks who or how many times someone has been married or whether or not [insert candidate here] is [insert lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender]…the fucking source is the so-called social conservative values that long ago turned campaigns for public office into half-assed character tests that your average hard working American would fail and could give a shit about.

Don’t get me wrong…I’m the kind of voter who wants to know if a candidate for public office is a lying sack of shit or a sexual predator who prowls their workplace, but you know and I know that you know and I know that American sexual Puritanism has gone too far.

And so…Lin…here we are and there you have it.

I agree. 

I too am sick and tired of the constant questioning and government interventions into people’s private sexual lives.

I’m tired of regulations and laws and ballot initiatives that question a woman’s ability to make a motherfucking decision about her healthcare.

I’m tired of our society acting as if marriage is the norm and those of us who are not married are in crisis or pretending that same-sex marriage is a threat but sport fucking while married is benign.

I’m tired of total strangers screaming at women walking into healthcare centers because those strange ass strangers assume they know what women are going to do and they feel entitled to jump all up into that shit.

But most of all I’m tired of hypocritical bullshit spewing politicians preaching the gospel of jumping all up into private citizens’ sexual bitness and then whining and keening when the masses and/or the press jump all up in their sexual bitness.

So I’m going to borrow from some Cain logic. Mr. Cain made some statement that folks who are out of work and involved in the occupy movement shouldn’t blame Wall Street…rather, they should blame themselves.

Well, methinks the Cain Train should look at the hypocritical hot mess circus of one in the mirror and make that change.

Damn it to hell and back, this shit makes me long for the days of Demon Sheep and 3 am phone calls.

***logs off humming Sam Cooke’s Chain Gang ‘cause it is now stuck in my Afro***