A bitch hopes that everyone had a safe Memorial Day weekend!
Jumping right in...
This morning...as I stood on our back porch drowning a mouse in the trash can from beneath the kitchen sink...my thoughts ran to the meaning of life.
Okay, let me back up a wee bit.
C-Money and a bitch live in a 110 year old house. Old as hell houses without cats are prone to mice. Not a mouse infestation mind you (shudder as images from that KFC in NYC teaming with rats float through my mind…uh!) but rather the occasional tiny mouse tempted by whatever the fuck tempts mice to venture into old as hell houses.
Last year, C-Money declared war on a mouse that was squatting in our pantry. The mouse willfully defied the off with your head traps she set everywhere. We’d hear a pop…and then see the little fucker taking off for a dark corner.
Ooooh, and our dawgs couldn’t be bothered chasing after a mouse! They see a fly in the room and they go crazy but they see a mouse…don’t get me started.
Anyhoo, C-Money declared war and the mouse appeared to be winning (sorry honey, but it’s the truth!)…but fear not, for Ms. C had a secret weapon.
The Bug Man!
Our bug spray guy came to spray and C-Money confessed the losing strategy with the mouse. He shared that many a homeowner underestimated the mouse insurgency but that a new way forward was available. Based on the Pest Study Group Report, we should put sticky traps throughout the house and specifically in high mouse insurgency areas like the pantry.
Fast-forward several months into the surge of sticky traps…and there I was confronting a trapped mouse at 3-ish in the morning.
HTFWDSHTS...ummm, in translation...how the fuck would David Sedaris handle this shit?
Oh, come on…everyone’s read the rodents in France story by Sedaris.
Well, David…we’re not close but I feel as if I know him…wink…David would drown the rodent on the porch.
So, there I stood…tired as hell…drowning a mouse in the kitchen trash can on the back porch.
There was no moment of glee…no rush of victory.
It was just me and that mouse with life and death between us.
I kept watching and eventually the mouse stopped struggling.
But victory over that mouse didn't do a damn thing to prevent future mice from coming in.
A world free of mice is not an option. To prevent a lone mouse from coming into the house I'd have to destroy them all. That's not wise...they do serve a purpose, right? Just not in our pantry!
Mayhap a bit of mouse hole intelligence gathering followed by diplomatic patching is in order?
This bitch went back to sleep pondering rodent blood feuds…