Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Hitchified...

Last night this bitch and C-Money settled into our couch-based areas and prepared to enjoy The Daily Show. I was all excited to see the comic spin on the recent Democratic debate.

What I was not prepared for was a Christopher Hitchens moment. Nor was I prepared for the sight of his throw back to a 1970’s porn fantasy chest hair explosion (wince).

Shit, a bitch didn’t even get a warning!

I look up to find Hitchens looking bloated and trussed up as if he were encased in a girdle-like contraption (confess, you knavish ass…the only other thing that results in that posture whilst sitting is a butt plug…blink (wink)… mmmhmmm, CONfess!). Hitch (we’re not close, but I know him like a pain) then launched into a random pitch for his latest attention seeking feat of hackdom, God is Not Great.

Cough.

Just when I was about to give him points for switching his watery gaze from his fear of all things birth-based to his fear of God and those who believe in God, he launches into a bizarre rant about all gods being born from some area other than the vagina.

Blink.

No, I’m not kidding…made my vodka cran go down the wrong way!

Something was also mentioned about sawing off the tip of a penis...it was hard to make out with that fussy accent and his tendency to sound as if he’s been holding in a massive fart for hours if not days. But I'm pretty certain I heard him say that gods are not born vaginally.

Ahem.

Which is why this bitch is now taking bets on when...not if...Hitchens pens some sort of I Was Birthed Through My Mum’s Left Ear Thus I am God article for those eager chil'ren at Vanity Fair.

9 comments:

Ryan said...

So all gods are C-section based births? This is good to know...now where is my crown, my throne, and my god damned rod of correction?!

Huntington said...

My personal deity was birthed out of Stevie Nicks's cocaine-rotted septum, but that's just me.

supergirlest said...

LMAO!!! NO YOU DIDN'T!!!!!

found you by way of blue girl. i'am now subscribed. i shall return.

Andrew said...

Lol!! @ Huntington

ABB, did you really expect sense from that lush? I mean Jeebus . . .

cats said...

now i'm sorry i missed that episode. (i think i was playing freecell on the computer instead... boy, that was dumb!)

Jeff said...

Oh my, that sounds like a train wreck. Why did I not watch that?

Of course, I'm reminded that Athena was born (fully armored, I believe) from dady Zeus' cranial area. Oh, what a headache! Now, if only we can get the Goddess of Wisdom to perform some armor-based correction on Mr. Hitchens....

Maya's Granny said...

The longer he's around, the worse he gets.

Rileysdtr said...

Thank heavens they re-run the previous night's Daily Show. I will be in front of Comedy Central at 7:00 CDT. Can't wait!

Anonymous said...

I'm only really qualified to comment on the Greeks here, but let's see:

Pro: Athene (Zeus' head), Dionysios (Zeus' thigh), uh... that's really all I've got.

Anti: pretty much all the rest of them.

Conclusion: What the fuck, Hitchens?

-Hypatia