Jumping right in with gloves on...
An episode of Dynasty has broken out on The View this week. Drama is back on the scene as a certain Star Jones and divalicious Barbara Walters go toe to toe over who said what to whom and how they said it and whether it was a betrayal and who betrayed who and how and why the other is a backstabbing ungrateful little shit!
Holy mother of all things!
My initial reaction was horror….which was quickly replaced by shock and awe.
Okay, so Star Jones lost her motherfucking mind when she got engaged…and negotiated sponsorship of everything wedding related as if her wedding where the Super Bowl and the World Cup all wrapped up in one package. That was some tacky assed shit. Sorry people, but that was the very definition of tacky.
Shit, she should have sold tickets.
Ooops, did she?
Anyhoo, so Star Jones became Star Jones Reynolds…and then she began to shrink, which she stated was the result of exercise and nutrition and which most folks think was the result of a certain bypass of a certain gastric something or other. Go on and be shrunk, Ms. Thang. A bitch ain't mad at you...for that.
Ratings where high for the shows where Star Jones Reynolds plugged her wedding sponsorship. Producers were peeved that Mrs. Reynolds was using The View to polish off her personal sponsorship agreements and allegedly fretted over whether ratings were high as in 'Jerry Springer trainwreck viewage' high or high as in 'isn’t Star great' high.
Fast forward to the main event.
The View announces that Rosie O’Donnell will be joining the show next season. Immediately speculation ignites that Star Jones Reynolds must be leaving because Rosie and Star don’t get along…can’t stand each other…are like oil and water…mmmhmmm, think Joan Crawford and Bette Davis.
Tick and tock.
Specualtion and no confirmation.
Until this week.
Apparently, Star Jones Reynolds was told her contract wouldn’t be renewed…the announcement was due sometime this week…and she decided to be the mistress of her own destiny and announce that shit on her own.
On live television!
Without telling her co-hosts!
Lawd, have mercy! Did y’all see the look on Barbara Walters’ face?
Star Jones Reynolds 1
Babs Walters 0
But wait. Hold up! Barbara Walters hasn’t been in the bitness for 375 years because she’s merely charming. Behold the original news-based diva in action, chil'ren!
Babs made her move immediately following the show. Clearly she went to town on the producers, because Star Jones Reynolds was erased from all things The View related in a move remenicent of Stalin post purge.
Her name in the credits…no where to be found.
Her check…in the mail, honey.
Then Babs came out with a surprise left on The View yesterday. Someone took a note from a certain Debbie Reynolds’ How to Spin a Bad Breakup playbook. Much like Debbie Reynolds post Elizabeth Taylor/Eddie Fisher scandal, Babs Walters took a serious tone when announcing that Star was no longer on the show. She neatly severed the cord all the while adding bits of verbal poison to the mix.
Star knew for months that ABC didn’t want her anymore.
We were trying to give her time to find other employment.
We had hoped to be decent about this, but Star chose a different path.
I wish her all the best.
But we simply couldn’t pretend that everything was the same at this table. (Fantabulous line, by the way.)
Star Jones Reynolds 1
Barbara Walters 1
Oh, but wait...there’s more to come.
Star is booked to be on Larry King tonight, where a bitch anticipates a full confessional to top all confessionals.
Not only is Star going to hold court for a full hour, but she is doing it through the one on one interview technique that Barbara Walters made famous on 20/20!
Oh…oh, oh….that is brilliant…so brilliant that it may be worthy of double diva backstab goal score-like point.
Sharpen your talons, chil’ren.
This is gonna be a gruesome ride…