Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Allergyfuckticoughus Robustus and a learning moment...

A bitch is feeling ill. My allergies are out of control and my ass has made an appointment to see my doctor. This is huge, because a bitch avoids going to the doctor for shit like this.

Isn’t once a year enough?

Fuck!

Oh well, mayhap a bitch is getting old?...said pathetically with a cough followed by a wheeze.

Or, maybe this bitch has The Plague!...said with full on drama and a gasp followed by a wheeze.

Oh shit!

Didn’t some woman in Los Angeles stumble into a hospital with The Plague? Okay, so it wasn’t the cough spreading population eliminating Plague…shit, it was still a Plague...the people destroying and flea-based one.

Lawd!

Fuck it...it is more likely to be mumps. Thanks to Iowa being connected to Missouri, we’re in the midst of a mumps outbreak. If my ass has the mumps there is going to be hell to pay! This bitch endured the original shot and then went back for another a few years ago. In my world that should equal Mump-Free for Life (wink).

Still, a bitch would prefer the mumps to The Plague…big time.

Fuck it, allergies that feel this bad should have their own name. Ummmhmmm, something like Allergyfuckticoughus Robustus...and the meds had better kick some major sinus ass.

Moving forward...

A bitch has been happily trudging through my book. It’s been moving along nicely post topic-based revelation. Fantabulous!

This bitch has been avoiding my favorite pastime of reading...good shit. This bitch tends to get distracted by good reading, which would result in my own book never getting completed. So, my ass has stuck to re-reading trashy novels prior to bed.

Let me tell you, a bitch was more than slightly relieved by my avoidance of serious reading when my ass read about this shit.

Oh my!

A bitch was aware that writers could fall victim to suggestion…and to adoring the style of another writer and imitating it…but damn!

This bitch would be horrified and beyond embarrassed.

Pause and shift with alarming ease from sympathy into a completely self centered perspective on this poor heifer and her literary drama.

Actually, this fear of writing a book someone else has already written may work in my favor! A bitch could use this to motivate on through the final push.

Rub hands together and flash a Carvillian grin.

Yes…yes…this could work! No more reading other people’s shit until the first draft is finished.

Excellent!

Hell, this learning from the mistakes of others stuff isn’t half bad. It’s not as much fun as pure schadenfreude, but still…not half bad at all.

8 comments:

GayProf said...

Wait – So plagiarism is bad?

cats said...

i wouldn't worry too much... you are definitely unique.

badgerbag said...

That's just messed up all around. I can't help the schadenfreude, for sure.

JulesoftheNile said...

Hey ABB,

Check this shit out.

http://www.cnn.com/CNN/Programs/anderson.cooper.360/blog/

Have people lost their motherfucking minds in Black Jack?

Curious for your thoughts.

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CrankyProf said...

If the damn trees and plants would just stop fucking, we'd get some relief. I swear, it's a non-stop, gang-bang, cross-pollination ORGY up here, and everyone is wheezing, sneezing, sniffling and rubbing itchy eyes.

It doesn't help that th damn pharmacies have locked up the GOOD drugs, so as to keep them out of the hands of the meth-heads.

Gack!

Anonymous said...

Long time lurker de-lurking to suggest you ask your doctor about Zyrtec. Seriously. World's best medicine since sudafed. I suffer with this stuff like you do, and this medication has made it possible to breathe again. Good luck with the doc. Love your blog.

Teresa in Chicago

Anonymous said...

As somewho who accidentally plagiarized another author's work I can almost empathize. But my error was less than a single sentence, and I caught it myself. I cannot imagine accidentally lifting forty times and not noticing it. Sorry, I don't buy that story.