Confession - I’ve been struggling with feelings of disgust, frustration, and rage.
I’m doing some inner work.
And no, this rage is not the same as my daily indulgence of anger.
For every public display of wretchedness…there is often an answering demonstration of decency.
Usually that helps me stay balanced.
…but not lately.
Lately, I’ve been struggling against hate and losing the hell out of the battle.
The rage comes when I see a news update on the model from Texas who lost her eye and hand in a freak plane accident…and the news anchors offer up those soothing sounds and enthusiastic statements about her recovery…and when the rage eases it is replaced by hate.
Hate because a woman in my home town was arrested for refusing to leave St. Mary’s hospital…and she died in a cell from the condition that hospital neglected to identify or refused to treat due to her being a poor black woman living in this rich white man’s world…and Good Morning America could give a shit about her…most people could give a shit about her…but I can’t stop mourning Anna Brown any more than I can stop the rage or the feelings of hate that replace it.
But it is a given that we all give a shit about Lauren Scruggs...and I want to be the type of person who does too…but instead I’m sitting here struggling not to hate her for being lovable, worthy or care and concern.
I’m struggling not to dismiss Lauren’s struggle just because the media celebrates her even as they ignore stories about women of color…stories about our struggle or our disappearance or our achievement…
…or our death by medical neglect in a Catholic hospital that then has the gall to hold up heath care disparities as a excuse for a patient’s death in police custody…a patient the hospital had arrested for seeking health care...and health care disparities Catholic hospitals gleefully seek to perpetuate through the relentless anti health care reform advocacy of the Bishops.
And until Anna Brown’s life has value…until Anna Brown’s death on the floor of a police cell gets the same coverage as the tragic maiming of an unknown model from Texas…
…until the murder of an unarmed black teen inspires the same media coverage as the murder of an unarmed white teen.
Until then, I’ll be doing a lot of inner work and struggling against hate.