Friday, February 19, 2010

Head Cold Robustus Coughitus Nastificus with a touch of Ebola…

Oh…my…gods.

A bitch’s sinuses have been taken over by an alien life force…some sort of evil parasite that requires host nasal passages to thrive!

I’m on day four of this shit…better than yesterday but still fucked up from the floor up.

Ugh.

One good thing are the meds. My daytime meds are boring as hell…’cause I have to avoid happy pills that may elevate my blood pressure and instead ingest the American Heart Association endorsed pills that sorta address the rancidity in my snout but not really ad certainly not with that extra zing I used to get from the good shit.

Sigh.

Oh, but the nighttime meds are an absolute joy! Fantabulous, I tell you! A bitch was seeing double last night…for reals, it was WILD…hell, I was sooooo out of it I thought I saw Team Canada almost lose to Team Switzerland in men’s ice hockey!

Pause…listen to information Betsey the sorta-beagle whispers into a bitch's ear…continue.

Cough.

Um, okay…so, apparently Team Canada did almost lose to Team Switzerland (not that the Swiss aren’t good and stuff...but damn.)

Betsey tells me that the game came down to a shoot-out and that kid Sid had to shoot twice to close the deal!

Oh my.

Anyhoo, as you can tell a bitch is highly medicated and unable to distinguish reality from the funny random shit floating through the purple haze in my Afro…and one should not blog in this condition.

“Hey beagle, is Tiger Woods really gonna speak to the world at 10am CST or are those the meds talkin’ again?”

Wince.

Toodles ‘til wellness…

12 comments:

haphazardmusings said...

Oh, dear. That sounds like nothing short of the 7th layer of Hades.

I've found that sinus irrigation has relieved a lot of cold-like symptoms (and prevented them in the first place). I'm usually a walking sinus infection from October to April, but this year I've avoided illness for nearly 4 months. This is what I've been using: http://www.neilmed.com/usa/sinusrinse.php

It's a little odd at first, but honestly, I love it.

Jaelithe said...

Get well soon!

Black British Chick Online said...

Got a bitch of a cold myself, hun - can't shift the bastard and it's been with me all week. Holler back - loving the blog

xx

snobographer said...

Being sick sucks.

Do we have to hear from Tiger? Why? How's it any of my business?

The New Black Woman said...

I was sick pretty much the entire month of January with the flu and a minor sinus infection/cold.

But, the nighttime medicine is AMAZING! I'd take it every night if there were not consequences:-)

Anonymous said...

As long as you get better by your birthday then all will be cool. Get well soon.

Jesse said...

I just got over that godawful ick. Feel better!

JoyfulC said...

Okay, so it wasn't a pretty win for Canada over Switzerland.

Rest assured that we're only too aware of that here in The Great White North. We're not resting upon any laurels.

Get better soon. I very rarely get colds, but when I do, I swear by Vick's Vap-O-Rub and lots of chicken soup... and HOOCH! (which is the same thing as vodka, but being married to a moonshiner, ours is homemade)

Rev. Bob said...

Me too on the sinuses. I've been trying to figure out, if you swallow a pound of your own snot, do you gain or lose weight?

Michael Bersin said...

It's a right wingnuttia plot, I tell you. They somehow got the bugs into blogtopia (hack, hack, cough) to keep us distracted from writing anything about loaves of French bread and such.

Jeff said...

I think the same evil creature is staging a coup d'etat of my sinus cavities. I feel your pain--almost quite literally.

rae said...

Happy Birthday, and may you continue to share your bitchitude with the world for many years to come!