Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Dearest Graydon...we need to talk.

Dearest Graydon Carter of the Vanity Fair editing Graydon Carters,

A bitch needs a moment of your time.

Let’s be frank, shall we?

You know that I know that you know that I know that your latest cover of alleged “It” celebrities had more to do with how Vanity Fair defines beauty than true it-ness.

No need to argue or defend.

I get it, son!

I’m not going to lecture you about how worn out and tired these covers have become or how predictable the article on how the photo came together is. You’re a businessman and there must be some sort of profit in magazine cover concept regurgitation behind Vanity Fair’s addiction to magazine cover concept regurgitation.

But, Graydon…honey, sweetie, darling...proclaiming that those actors reflect the "new Hollywood" is the very definition of wrongness!

Plenty of writers are calling you out on this shit, m’dear, and I won’t chew the remnants of a well-chewed bone.

I will simply add my voice to the chorus – the cover of the latest version of Vanity Fair’s New Hollywood issue is less diverse that a group photo of interns at the Heritage Foundation and fails to acknowledge the break-out performances of up and coming actors of color despite the fact that this year has seen break-out performances from up and coming actors of color.

That ain’t new, Graydon.

That’s business as usual.

My gods, man…that cover is a freakish look-a-like of a debutant class photo from the Veiled Prophet Ball!

Pause…consider…continue.

Have you been hanging out with that Chris Matthews?

Blink.

Sincerely tired of this tired ass shit,

Shark-Fu

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Shorter Shark-fu:

Boo hoo! No one cares that I'm butthurt when proper genuflection to blacks doesn't happen! Boo hoo!

Cherie said...

Not to mention they are beyond skinny to match their extreme paleness--taking the Twilight craze a bit too far aren't they!?

Shark-fu said...

Anonymous troll - Get thee gone back to your mother's basement!

But feel free to genuflect prior to exit.

Toodles!

Devin said...

What do you mean there's no diversity? Why, some of them aren't even blonde!

Rileysdtr said...

Tell me those scrawny arms and legs were photoshop shrunk.... my wrists are bigger around than their thighs.

T13 said...

that pic honestly makes me wanna barf, and I'm white.
No Gabby Sidibe = no genuine reflection of the breakthroughs from hollywood this year

Delux said...

That photo is a complete hot mess. And were there no male actors who might be worth a damn? (chris pine, my new soulmate, hint hint)

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but it's sad when I don't recognize half of the "break out" acts of this year without a picture, and I've spent more time than ever in front of a television and big screen. I could recognize Zoe Saldana's name alone, without a picture, and immediately think of some amazing movies she's made recently. That's a sign of true "break out" material. Who the hell are those women in Vanity Fair?!

Dear VF, you fail.

Sincerely,
Me

SagaciousHillbilly said...

sigh. . . it's so fucking embarrassing when they do shit like that. What fucking hole have they been living in for the past few decades? Geez, I've been living in rural WV since 1971 and I've got a higher degree of cultural diversity mentality than a bunch of NYC magazine publishers?!?! WTF?

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Oh, and how is it that all men are defined as being interested in only pasty faced skinny assed heroin banging looking chicks? Some of us are insulted every time we see this bogus Hollywood depiction of beauty.

I am not Star Jones said...

that cover shows why Tyler Perry will always have an audience for his films.

Nancy said...

I'm going to add to the chorus of "Where the hell is Gabourey Sidibe?!"

Kristin H. said...

They look like Aryan outcasts fresh out of Auschwitz. Like starved Children of the Corn. That cover is actually creepy.

Joy said...

"less diverse than a group photo of interns at the Heritage foundation"

That had me cackling out loud.

Valsadie said...

I HATE this annual Vanity Fair issue! Every year actresses of color are given short shrift on it - it's always a long "fold-out" cover and any actresses of color on it are never in that left section which makes the de facto cover on the newsstands. So when I saw this year's cover and that they weren't even TRYING--??! I'm actually interested in the John Hughes article in there, but I left the copy I spotted on sale yesterday right where I saw it at the newsstand. I REFUSE to buy that issue.

Don't make no damn sense...