Wednesday, December 16, 2009

A bitch's vivid dream...

A bitch had a vivid dream last night.

In the dream, a gaggle of Catholic bishops were at a press conference where they declared that the church was going to withdraw social services from the entire state of Florida until the state banned divorce.

Mmmhmm, and they said they’d be denying communion to the faithful if they golfed or purchased anything Nike-based…and then they said that Florida needed to address the weakening of sanctified man-on-woman marriage resulting from The Great Tiger Woods Infidelity Transgression Against the Institution of Marriage, golf, several major brands and His Wife.

They condemned the press for casually discussing whether Elin Woods should get divorced...and threatened to deny communion to anyone caught pondering that shit…and urged the faithful to report on their friends and neighbors if they catch them pondering the dissolution of the Woods marriage or their own marriage or man-on-woman marriage in general.

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

And they ended that shit by cackling that, now that they thought about it some more, Catholic social services were going to be withheld from the entire country because of it’s tolerance for man-on-woman divorce.

Mmmhmm, and the dream was in color too!

Wink.

But alas ‘twas just a dream that I knew wasn’t for real even while I was dreaming it because you know and I know that you know and a bitch knows that those hateful motherfuckers only threaten to punish the poor when the gays try to get legally married.

It’d be too much like right to threaten that shit over society’s acceptance of and legal support for the termination of man-on-woman marriage.

Right?

Right,

Speaking of the church’s threat to punish to poor because DC decided to support marriage equality instead of submit to…well, the dictates of the church…cough…if there has ever been a better example of why we need to replace these church-based institutions that shamelessly tie a community’s adherence to dogma with access to social services, I’d like to see it.

Shit.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

How very Christian of them! This stance completely defies ALL of Christ's teachings. I find it revolting.

dinthebeast said...

Back in the '80s I heard a song on KALX (UC Berkeley's radio station) by a band called the Pop O' Pies, called "The Catholics Are Attacking". At the time, I thought they were kidding. Perhaps I was wrong?

-Doug in Oakland

Dusty said...

They are the people Jesus warned us about. Seriously..those friggin assholes are.

I love the irony in that. But I hate them with every fiber of my being.

Miss Trudy said...

Wasn't it Bush who supported social services provided by faith-based initiatives so that government could comfortably shirk that duty? Here we see what would happen, at an exponential level, if his dream came true ...

Bradley said...

I love it. I am all for banning divorce, even nullifying any marriages that aren't the first for each party.