Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Why a bitch almost sent the first ever AngryBlackBitch action alert over Michelle Malkin’s appearance on the Today Show…

...and then changed my mind.

Matt Lauer just interviewed Michelle Malkin on the Today Show…and it was almost some crazy ass shit.

Well, it wasn’t actually an interview.

It was more like handing the mic over to Malkin and letting her do her best Ann Coulter impression.

Sigh.

Malkin has a book.

The Today Show decided to provide her a platform to promote her book and spout some of her conservative rancidity…and Lauer, being his usual challenged self, appeared unable to put a lid on that shit once it started to almost boil.

Malkin attacked Michelle Obama…making certain to reference the chapter in her book where she allegedly provides proof of whatever the hell it is she thinks the First Lady has done.

I don’t speak stupid so I’m not sure what charge she was trying to make.

Malkin went on to present the standard conservative talking head talking points only to be cut off by Lauer before she could go further. A bitch suspects she was on the verge of making a birther argument…but we’ll never know, thank the gods.

Anyhoo…my immediate reaction was to post the contact information for the show’s Senior Producer and ask that all y’all contact him and demand that they cease providing a platform for crazy ass rotting from within conservatives with a book to sell.

But then I paused and considered…wink…and concluded that Michelle Malkin’s appearance, even without the addition of a “and he’s not even a citizen!” claim, was so fucked up from the floor up lame that she actually made the Obama administration look good.

The problem is that Malkin didn’t deliver the goods...she failed to fully rile...no boil and barely a few bubbles in the pan.

There’s an agreement here and Malkin failed to live up to her part of it!

The Today Show agreed to show her book, announce the titled and then let her give the masses a taste of what’s in it.

Malkin was supposed to lose her fucking mind, make some crazy ass charge against liberals and then drop at least one “oh my Gawd, did you hear what that woman just said?!?” quote that would then be taken up by liberals and denounced soundly across the internets. Best case scenario for both parties involved would have been for Malkin to do a full Coulter and have her crazy ass quote result in further television appearances to defend it all the while driving traffic to the Today Show ‘cause some people like to see public displays of crazy in the morning.

But that didn’t happen.

Malkin gave it the college try, but she’s still Coulter lite.

Hell, my histamine reaction to her appearance didn’t last through the first commercial!

And since the Queen of Rancidity Ann Coulter hasn't earned an ABB Action Alert it just wouldn't be right to launch one for Malkin's sad imitation just because she almost made my knee think about maybe jerking a little.

Sigh.

Mayhap she should had led with the birther stuff and saved the Michelle Obama is responsible for blah, blah and blah incoherant mess for FOX?

Blink.

13 comments:

Jasmine said...

Excellent recap. I'm glad somebody watched it so I didn't have to.

Julia said...

Oh, I love the line "I don't speak stupid." I think I'll post that directly over the computer (wink).

Chris said...

That was funnier than hell....glad I found your site through another blog buddy...I'll be back!

Tina said...

Tell it like it is! Love it!

mconfibeauty said...

Bitch,
Your recap is soo funny. You're right, she didn't deserve the energy. She have those producers of the Today show so punked for putting her on with that bullshit. Nice blog. Will return soon.

Joshua said...

ABB. I stumbled on your blog through a link from the Rude Pundit's site. Awesome commentary. I wish Malkin would have started with the birther conspiracy, then the new deather conspiracy, moving on to a new Bobama conspiracy.

Jaelithe said...

During that segment I told my husband that I would henceforth always refer to Michelle Malkin as "Self-hating child of immigrants Michelle Malkin" because when she almost started on that birther B.S., all I could think of was WHAT would YOUR immigrant Daddy say about what it takes to be an American, Michelle?

But I calmed down a bit after I realized, like you, that she was really not that effective even at appearing crazy.

doctor quantum said...

I watched that Malkin interview and while you were "spot on" including your analysis of Matt Lauer's ineptitude (I've always liked Matt); I couldn't help wondering how different things would've been had Bryant Gumble been there. Bryant would've left "Coulter-lite" bumblin' and stumblin'! She's louder, prettier and crazier; but to me, "La femme Malkin" is the Clarence Thomas of...um, ahem, "journalism."

Jeff said...

While I missed this particular episode of Profiles in Rancidity, I tend to think of televised appearances by Coulter/Malkin/etc. as the equivalent of Southern people putting their crazy relatives on the front porch for everyone to see.

Heidi said...

"I don't speak stupid"

OMG!! that is it, what more is there to say?

Anonymous said...

Picture this--you're walking thru the woods and hear muffled screams and cries. Following your ears you soon find youself at the edge of a quicksand bog where you see Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, Connie Rice, Karl Rove and Paul Wolfowitz up to their necks in the quicksand, rapidly sinking. What do you call that scenario? A GOOD START!

Annaly said...

'Coulter lite.' I luv it. Seriously, what happens in your life at such a young age to make you so hateful?

Shark-fu said...

Annaly...
Hateful? I think you misunderstand anger...