Monday, February 28, 2005

And the Oscar goes to.......

What a fabulous night of Hollywood glamour?!? I gorged myself on the multitude of Star Fucking exploits. The evening began with the pre-show featuring the one and only Star Jones.

Star to Maria Full of Grace actress: (note that question was stated in slow overly pronounced loud English because Star thought the Columbian actress couldn't speak English) "I was told that your father is a veterinarian. I just have to know, do you like dogs and cats and all those animals?"

Maria full of Grace lady with unbelievable restraint: "Yes."

You've just got to love it! The prep. work for this kind of event must be beyond daunting!

The Oscar frenzy spilled over into the morning shows with Katie displaying her undercover anchor skills in the now signature Coach evening bag Katie Cam! You can't make this shit up. Katie took said cam to the Vanity Fair party where she kissed ass while announcing to everyone "I've got a camera in my handbag!". Gonzo journalism is truly dead.

Katie takes the Star Fucking prize with her mix of aging anchor she-cat playa-hating & step below stalker anxious approval seeking interview with Hillary Swank post 2nd Oscar win.

Katie: "Congratulations! You look amazing. I loved your performance in Million Dollar Baby, Hillary! So, do you feel that you are better at choosing movies now? Because, in the past, you've made some bad choices but it seems that now you've found your stride.". Commentary from Angry Black Bitch - Ooooh, that was bitchy! Backhanded I hate you because your talented and nice question of the year award winner, for sure!

Hillary: "Well, thank you Katie! I do feel that I've grown from the blah blah blah blah." ABB translation - I can't believe you went there B-Atch. But I understand why your such a she-bitch - I'd be pissed too if I was a NYC diva wanna be trapped in a perky girl next door persona. Whatever! My 2 Oscar havin ass is so outta here.

Total delight all around.

Other highlights.
Chris Rock's break down of the war in Iraq based on The Gap and Banana Republic. Classic.

Sean Penn trying to come off hard in defense of Jude Law's played out over exposed year of disappointing ticket sales. Defend the craft, my brother! Defend the craft!

Beyonce overload. Robin Williams with tape over his mouth (finally!). The sound of censors crying as Tim Robbins approached the mike. Audience diving award presentations. And the bloody Counting Crows. I thought they were all dead! Finished off with a Prozac dosed Dustin Hoffman and Babs dragging out the Best Picture presentation until you thought Scorcese would jump on stage and pimp slap them both!

Belch!

OMG! Overly full of tinsel town glamour. Loved it. Two thumbs up. Better than Cats. I smell Emmy!

1 comment:

This Guy said...

I have been teasing myself all day, not allowing myself to check your blog until I finished my work. Worth the wait!