Wednesday, May 10, 2006

On no she didn't...

Yesterday someone sent this bitch an e-mail that required a response. Having responded back a bitch just wasn't settled...so my ass is gonna go through some of the shit raise in that e-mail here.

Basically, the e-mail was a chastisement of this bitch’s blog title...and a pseudo-confrontational challenge over whether a bitch is really black…and a lengthy detailing of how this bitch’s blog perpetuates a negative stereotype of black women.

The writer challenged my blackness because this bitch contributes to Turdmania at the Eatateria, which is a recipe site. It seems that the writer didn’t actually look at the site, because it is clear that this bitch is one of six bloggers contributing yummy recipes there. Oh, and her assumption that this bitch may not really be a black person was based on…get this…the fact that there was a Passover reference made on one of the posts listed on the recipe site.

Drama!

Oh, she allowed that there are black Jews…how very generous of her...but she just didn’t think this bitch was one. My ass simply does not have the strength to go into the fact that some people attend Passover festivities and are not Jewish...others may be married or partnered to a Jew...and why the hell answer that shit when that torte recipe wasn't even my recipe?

Shit.

That shit did sound yummy, though.

Ahem.

For the record...a bitch is not Jewish, despite an adoration for Kosher bagle-dogs with spicy mustard. Someone needs to bulk up on their reading comprehension.

Onward to the issue of a bitch’s blackness!

A bitch is black. Can you imagine the kind of fucked up individual my ass would have to be to pretend to be black? Shit, St. Louis is a small town people. That bullshit wouldn’t have held for a week! And why would anyone do that? Fuck it; this bitch just takes exception to being put in the insane position of having to proclaim my blackness.

Read the archives next time...a bitch has posted pictures somewhere.

The writer didn’t challenge whether this bitch is a woman, which was an interesting element. Why stop with race? Why not challenge the entire package? Mayhap a bitch is a happy white man?

Oh shit, why is that so funny?

Confession…a bitch isn’t always angry (wink), but the black woman thang is constant.

And finally, this issue of stereotypes and whether a bitch perpetuates them here.

A long, long time ago when this bitch fretted over making other people comfortable with my blackness (y’know…the straight hair that was only getting de-naptified so that my ass could fit in with my bouncy haired contemporaries and the painfully over-polite Condi-esque verbalizing in that too formal please like me and Gawd don’t let me offend you with any human display of emotion because there’s that STEREOTYPE out there of the wild eyed inarticulate uneducated knee jerk black woman that someone somewhere must have passed a law saying this bitch HAS to single handedly destroy tone) way back when a bitch dabble in that bullshit, my ass was beyond concerned about the stereotypes of black women and how they were utilized to deny me things.

Through years of personal growth and maturity (wink), this bitch has come to the conclusion that some asshole’s stereotypical notion of what an Angry Black Bitch is just isn’t my fucking problem. Fitting in, putting others at ease and smoothing shit over does not appeal to me...bitchitude does.

Part of bitchitude is realness…and this bitch has no intention of changing me for some ignorant assed motherfucker who is attempting to lord his or her assumed power over how my ass behaves and relates

And that is what was really going down in that e-mail.

This bitch doesn’t need to declare my educational background in every sentence and phrase. It’s tempting, since my ass is still paying for that shit…but it is so not necessary, generally tiresome and pathetic.

This bitch does not need to write a formal op-ed to discuss politics and societal issues. Politics is the people’s business and this bitch writes for the masses.

A bitch will not cave to someone else’s notion of good and bad words. There’s something really sick about a society that finds offense in the use of motherfucker and shit but doesn’t bat an eye when hearing genocide, rape, oppression and starvation. Fuck that shit.

And finally…in conclusion…once more for the folks in the back row...

You are not on parole and reading this blog is not a condition of your release. Debate is welcome...censorship can take a hike.

Ahh, this AngryBlackBitch feels much better now.

Bitchitude shall proceed…by any means necessary.

32 comments:

Phoenix said...

you tell'em bitch

M A F said...

ABB, you ain't black? Damn you had me fooled!

I would be interested in learning the ethicity of the emailer in question. (I have my suspicions of course.)

CrankyProf said...

It's a sad fact that reading comprehension is at its nadir in areas of the blogging community recently.

Once again, a Bitch brings it, with her own style and words to live by.

Preach ON, Bitch!

Limecrete said...

If you're not really black, you've done one hell of a good impression all those times we've seen each other.

Regina said...

Sing it, ABB!

Seriously, it amazes me how many people can come up with the same old tired crap about how they don't like "the B-word", can't deal with angry people who admit to being angry, and attack your presentation of yourself as giving folks a bad name. And then to follow it up by arguing that you can't possibly be who you say you are because they don't like your presentation of yourself. It's all so standard. Gimme a break.

All that shit is tired, and thanks for making the effort to put it to rest, once again.

EverydaySuperGoddess said...

Wait...

You're NOT a happy white man?

WTF?

Reteva said...

Dear ABB. I just wanted to say that through your unique literary style you proclaim your intelligence in every damn sentence. I've been a fan for quite some time now, and I can admit freely that your jaunty colloquialism based mode of expression is one of the key factors. Your use of slang, jargon, and what some may deem a 'stereotypical' southern black voice only counterpoints your obvious and impressive intelligence. You challenge the stereotype; you don't play into it. Hallelujah sister. Keep it coming!

A White Bear said...

Sounds like the age-old Reading for Comprehension problem. Isn't it clear from reading any of your posts at all that not only are you truly an Angry Black Bitch, but also a hilarious, intelligent, caring, and multifaceted writer? Is this the same emailer who opined that Twisty Faster was probably a straight dude making fun of radical feminism? Next, I'm sure I'll be getting an email claiming that no way am I actually a big furry polar bear with deadly claws, but merely a moody female grad student with too much time on her hands. Oh, wait... damn it!

So what's with this rhetorical tack of accusing various bloggers of being extremely covert white straight male satirists of lefty thought? It's about as interesting and successful as the old anti-evolution argument, "But the human eye is so amazing it couldn't happen by accident!!!!" They're momentarily disarming in their stupidity, but have no lasting interest.

Anonymous said...

I have to admit I did think the worse when I first heard the name of your blog. Admittedly, because of the stereotypes I had in MY own mind. I'm not an everyday visitor, but I've been here on occaision and I must say that you are funny, clever and interesting to read. I am a white man, and I like to think of myself as a liberal open-minded person, but I know I still have issues with race/gender/sexuality etc. to deal with and hopefully overcome. I think your blog helps me with that. I get exposed to viewpoints I don't always hear expressed in my circles and they are expressed with passion and intelligence. Now I'll show you just how white I am by trying to use a phrase I picked up from some of my co-workers who are people of color: Shake those haters off, girl!

A black bitch is a good read.

Hattie said...

One bitch to another: you got it right.

leomange said...

a bitch,
i understand the need to rant when people are trolling, but like in zoos where you aren't supposed to feed the animals, blogger should have a sign saying: "don't feed the trolls." that being said, it's your blog to do with as you please, and i never questioned your anger, blackness, or bitchiness because those are three constants here...

whatever... preach on!
signed,
a happy white man (wink).

kusala said...

Sometimes you are so right on that it hurts.

As for those who don't get it: in the words that a friend often uses, "Fuck *that* noise!

Elle said...

I Love You!

monkey said...

-the race to race-
how utterly tiring that you had to put that individual on the bus. it's not your responsibility to educate the masses, but a huge thank you for showing patience, and actually doing it.
puttin' in work, 24/7. remember to stop, and take care of you.
and on that note of racing to race, i was asked twice this week, "what are you?". no shit. what am i? can you please make an attempt at better articulating your question? and furthermore, why is it so important to you? asshat.

Anonymous said...

She probably also wrote a letter to Stephen Colbert asking why he heaped so much praise on the president. Some people, they just don't get it.

fairyfemme said...

As an IWC (That's ignorant white chick) I can guarentee your accuser that...

There 'ain't' a white person on this earth who could pretend to be black this good. LOL

Personally, I always thought that the title of your blog was a sarcastic, F-You to the white stereotype of the angry black bitch. Kind of a,

"You want an angry black bitch. You gonna GET what you asked for, double time!" LOL

Course, *shrug* I'm just an IWC so...what do I know? *rolls eyes at accuser*

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear that someone is giving you grief. I check your blog at least once a day, and I love your intelligence and humor.

BTW - you set a GOOD example by sharing stories of your volunteer work.

Here's wishing you many years of vodka-crans and Smarties! :)

Todd said...

What utter fcuks some people can be! Even I found (and cherish) a snap of the ABB. Oh yeah, she smokes cigars.

ayala said...

You are amazing and I think the world is a better place because you are out there being yourself and willing to share it here on a stage for other people to learn from, be inspired from and yes, even, be pissed off at.

I am a white woman raising an AA daughter and every day I read your blog I am grateful that you are willing to expose your truth and reality to others.

birdnesthead said...

Dear ABB.

I've always liked the name of your blog. Kind of reminds me of the bumper sticker "If you're not outraged, you haven't been paying attention." Not an exact parallel, but humourous, edgy, and well... Bitchy!

Keep it up cause we bitches (black or not) love it!

EL said...

Nothing to say but WTF?

People are still doing this crap.

Sorry it happened to you ABB.

Anonymous said...

I simply LOVE your blog!

Paul said...

wow, what's that feeling coming over me... a sense of...FREEDOM! I'm finally free to get over myself and call you by the title you have chosen for yourself, bitch!

Um, I will continue to refrain from using the word for most other women... just my hangup, I guess.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure she was a Karl Rove brain-washed Republican Christian who thinks Bush is a prophet bringing about peace in the Middle East.

(I actually had 2 women explain this to me.)

They said, "Bush is the lion and the Jews are the lambs in the Middle East. He is protecting them and will bring about the peace to that land." I said, "I think it was Bush's grandfather Prescott that was supplying arms to the Germans during WWII and the American government had to tell him to stop it! So actually he was providing arms to the Nazis which were slaughtering the Jews....so if Bush is in the bible ....he is not a prophet...he is a profit-tier $$" They explained, "Jesus is with George Bush .... we are in the Ends of Days ....so unless you have Jesus in your heart, you will go to Hell!"

They then prayed to Jesus to open my eyes to see the truth.

All i see is a white man in the White House making lots of $$ for his friends.

So they can have all that $$$, because in the end ... ABB will be who ABB is ...and there are some of us that respect that!

Thank you for being you!

:>)

Terrence said...

I love it. "Part of bitchitude is realness."

Keep it real,
Terrence

Anonymous said...

ABB, I for one have never doubted that anything you said wasn't heartfelt & about as honest as it's possible to be in this medium.

At times you've had your heart out on view for all to see, & I salute your strength. I'm finding my own reserves again through the example of you, Twisty, Heartless-bitches Gendergeek & others.

How anyone could doubt your sincerity after actually reading some of your blog is beyond me.

Some people are always going to feel threatened by the principals of equality and equal worth.

Then again some appear threatened here by certain individuals obvious superiority with the art of creative word arranging - I just enjoy the show ;)

Katchen

Anonymous said...

"this bitch has come to the conclusion that some asshole’s stereotypical notion of what an Angry Black Bitch is just isn’t my fucking problem"

Amen. My version of this is: other peoples' backward-assed ideas about what a feminist is are not my problem.

SuperB

BZZZT said...

You go!

bitchphd said...

Heh, I get those too sometimes: "you shouldn't call yourself a bitch because blah blah blah."

Then I send a snotty reply, and then they write back: "now I see why you call yourself a bitch."

Ha!

elissa feit said...

Hi a bitch,

I'm just boggling at the contradiction in the mailer's concept that you both 1. perpetuate a stereotype and 2. you're not stereotypical.

I mean, shouldn't the mailer's head explode?

- e.

The Misanthrope's Wife said...

posts like these are why i read your blog

jai said...

I ((heart)) you for making a mockery of an ignorant bitch (the old school kind)