Friday, May 19, 2006

Friday ponderings...

Happy Friday, chil'ren!

A certain sorta-beagle woke this bitch up at 5 o'clock this morning because she needed to pee. Then, being evil and without shame, the same sorta-beagle snuggled back into a deep hound slumber.

Nope, nothing right about it!

Anyhoo, the strangest things float about in my mind when my ass is sleep denied.

ABB’s Friday Ponderings…
Have you ever watched a news story and been fascinated by it only to have it completely unresolved because mainstream news outlets simply do not believe in follow through?

Me too!

My ass was driving to a meeting this morning and passed a pizza place which made my ass think about that man who may have been a pizza delivery man and somehow ended up with an explosive device hooked to his upper body. He was caught trying to rob a a bank...and he had some kind of note with demands, but he said he had been kidnapped and forced to try to rob a bank or something like that, so the cops pulled him over...he begged and begged for help...and then just blew up.

Mmmhmm, the poor man blew up on local television.

Blew up!

It was on CNN for a split second. A man was apparently kidnapped, forced to commit a crime, outfitted with explosives and murdered.

Can a bitch get some closure? Where the fuck did this story go?

Shit.

Anyhoo, a bitch was pondering that while on the way to a meeting and wondering if they ever caught the folks who made that guy put the bomb on or if they found out that the guy put the bomb on himself.

While pondering the status of the man who blew up story a bitch began to ponder what CNN has been covering. What the fuck is so damned important that a bitch can't get closure on the man who blew up story?

Fluff and nonsense! On both channels...flufftitude on a Katie Couric scale!

Have y’all even watched CNN Headline News lately? Not CNN with Anderson Cooper of the if that blue is not trademarked under his name he needs to fire someone because he’s sporting it with the ruthless brand consistency of a Tiffany gift box Coopers.

Ahem.

No, a bitch is referring to the other CNN channel…the minified CNN...the one that still bothers to update the sorta-news every half hour on a semi-regular basis.

If you have been watching a bitch has a question. Is it me or has the minified CNN gone FOXesque? Nancy Grace was one thing, but now they have this Glenn Beck character. Have you seen him? Did it make you check your TiVo to make sure it hadn’t wrongly selected FOX?

Note – a bitch has trained The Precious (otherwise known as my TiVo) to not go to or record any FOX related stations. My ass recommends it highly!

Anyhoo, what spews out of his mouth is crazy talk. What the fuck is the minified CNN thinking?

And, if they have an hour to hand over to some crazy talking character, why the hell can't they update this bitch on the status of the man who blew up while delivering pizza story?

Lawd, a bitch needs a nap.

Toodles!

15 comments:

chris said...

good blog. u are funny!!!!!

GayProf said...

Ooooh - Anderson Cooper. He is dreamy...

Sorry, what were you saying? I sorta lost focus there.

Akasha said...

The man who blew up, that is straight out of a movie. I do not believe that art is immitating life so much. I wish I could remember what movie it is that has such a plot. Damn! It will come to me in the middle of the night three days from now.
Hope you get some closure but don't count on it. he blew up that's it for him as far as tv is concerned.

Christopher said...

Gayprof, you'd better back the fuck up off my bf...I will beat a bitch down who messes with my man!

I'm sorry, ABB, but that just had to come out.

schlecht said...

Thankfully they have the BBC News on PBS (where I live anyway)which actually covers news that matters.

jOoLz said...

i heart my tivo.

thatfarmgirl said...

Amen. I have wondered about that pizza delivery guy fairly often myself.

adrienne said...

OMG, I love your blog!!!

Todd said...

I adore you ABB! I just redesigned my blog and realized in retrospect it looks like an homage to my Coop. Your Tiffany comment made me laugh all the harder.

I'm in total agreement concerning Fox; it is verboten in this household. I heard about that fellow that got blown up, but I believe they still have no idea as to whether he did it to himself or not.

Anonymous said...

My love of too sexy Anderson Cooper led me to this blog which I now have bookmarked, you are hilarious!

Anonymous said...

ABB, this bitch has a 1.5 hr commute (ea way) so she purposely subjects herself to a good chunk of
nutcase right-wing radio up heya in the S.F. Bay area... just keepin an ear on them mofos.
I've heard Glenn Beck for years on the radio and yes, he is one of the many self-absorbed,
morally impotent, socially ignorant, consistently banal, cluelessly privileged voices so
representative of all forms of corporate media today.

catnmus said...

I found this link at wikipedia about Brian Wells: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Wells It says that just last September, the story was on America's Most Wanted, as the crime was still unsolved. There's also a link there to a website put up by Wells' brother, searching for information. It's got sketches, images of the notes he was given, etc. So I guess the reason there's been no news is that nothing has been happening.

girl600. said...

The pizza bomber story is very interesting. I've seen the actual footage of him exploding. Did I need to see that? I makes it stay in my mine, and gets the point across. I found you by looking up Oprah chat/message boards. I like your style. I didn't know that Gloria Vanderbilt was Anderson Cooper's mother, til I saw what's gonna be on Oprah on Monday.

Bee-ryan said...

I don't know what the deal is with reporters giving half of the story. Plus, have you noticed that they ask the dumbest questions? Man, I can't believe that they go get an education to be some horrible gossipers.

Roslyn said...

I want to know the answer to this one myself. You would think they would've done a follow-up or something. It was just too freaking bizarre.