Friday, October 30, 2009

While the faithful blush…

Let’s jump right on in!

Full disclosure – a bitch is not Catholic. I’m not even a former Catholic. So, outraged Catholic Anonymouses can just skip the bullshit about how I need to say five Hail Mary’s and then blah blah and blah. I was raised Baptist…we don’t roll that way.

Anyhoo…

A bitch stumbled on an article published on the anti-choice anti-knowledge freakishly inaccurate website LifeSiteNews.com (wince…yes, I know…but if a bitch can’t suffer a fright the day before Halloween something is wrong with the world). The article’s title, Abp. Dolan: American Catholic Leadership against Abortion Redeems Laxity against Slavery, caused chills to run up and down my spine.

Oh no!

Oh HELL no!

Please tell me these motherfuckers aren’t going to go there…like they keep going there over the Holocaust.

And the choir said… “But Shark-Fu, you know these antis can be trifling!”

And a bitch responded… “True, true…sad and true.”

I read on.

And damn it all to hell if New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan didn’t write the article in Catholic New York Online citing the Constitution’s prior acceptance of slavery as one reason to dismiss the constitutionality of abortion rights.

Knowing that when the Catholic Church brings up slavery they are bringing up something they ignored, in many cases supported, advocated for in certain situations and damn sure profited from….cough…Dolan made sure to acknowledge that in his own special insulting as hell way.

LifeSiteNews.com quotes Abp. Dolan…

"Our faces blush with shame as we Catholics admit we did so little to end slavery," … "but we can smile and thank God that the Church has indeed been prophetic, courageous and counter cultural in the right to life movement."

Pause…allow to marinate…continue.

Dolan went on to emphasize…

"The most pressing life issue today is abortion," … "If we're wrong on that one, we're just plain wrong."

Spooky!

Just in case no one bothered, allow a bitch to confirm that you are indeed the very definition of wrong.

“Our faces blush”

Really?

Glad to know Abp. Dolan’s response to his church’s history on slavery is the same as it would be if he were to emit a fierce stankified loud as hell fart in the middle of mass.

Lawd, have mercy!

Yeah, yeah, yeah… "two wrongs don’t make a right" jumped up into my head on this one too.

But my mind kept circling back to the premise of Dolan’s argument that the Catholic church fucked up it’s response to slavery but will redeem itself through it’s work against reproductive freedom…and my Afro began to throb and pulse in pain…not just because I’ve HAD IT with antis making slavery and Holocaust analogies, but because…well, the truth is…

SLAVERY STILL EXISTS, DAMNIT!

Shit.

As a matter of fact, states with large port cities…for example, New York…play a key role in modern slavery.

I even found several articles featuring Catholic efforts to address the issue of modern slavery…so Abp. Dolan could even get ‘bout the bitness of leading by example on this abomination from within the church…

…instead of repeating past sins while praising the faithful for working to create a world where the wages of not being a "good Catholic" are disease, struggle and death.

But that would be too much like right.

Right?

Right.

Blink.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Ugh…

A bitch is over-fucking-whelmed.

Normally I’d turn to a bitchfirmation, but my stress is too far-gone for that!

Mmmhmm, I need to vent.

Indulge me.

Longtime readers know that a bitch’s older brother is autistic. My sister and I are co-guardians and, as such, we are charged with monitoring the folks who monitor his everything.

So, I spent the last several months trudging through the waist high mud that is the system. Funding and programs and spend downs and waivers and authorizations and blah followed by blah followed by the realization that a bitch should limit my exposure to the language of social services lest I overdose.

Wince.

My brother’s Person Centered Plan was completed on time…gasp…and I was really hopeful that I had finally gotten a handle on what’s what regarding funding so we could see what we could do about saving some cash for the inevitable drama of life and maybe funding some extras that aren’t really extras but are viewed as extras by The Man.

Then news came that Governor Nixon was “revisiting” the Missouri state budget…followed by rumors over how much he was going to “slash” and from where….and ending in the announcement yesterday that Missouri is cutting more money from the already emaciated Department of Mental Health and tons of other emaciated social programs.

‘Tis likely that no new requests will get funding.

This bitch is surprised some of these departments can survive on less that 50 calories a day.

Blink.

Shit, damnit…and fuck a motherfucking duck!

It’s not that I spent a lot of time on this shit that’s got me upset. I’m an activist involved in politics…I regularly spend lots of time on shit that goes nowhere.

It’s that now I know what my brother could have had…should have…and now I’ve got to get about the bitness of some out of the box thinking to try to make that shit possible another way.

And I’m tired…very, very tired.

FUCK!

If society is judged by how it treats its most vulnerable members…

…we should have been kicked off the island years ago.

Ugh.

Sigh.

Okay.

***logs off to get busy solving problems***

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Return of the Quizzical – What came first, the frenzy or the tweet?

Lawd, a bitch is tired as hell and bitter about it.

I’ve got too much shit to do.

Get thee gone, exhaustion!

Sigh.

Anyhoo, I started this morning off exploring the wonderful world of Twitter.

Today I encountered a four-tweet batch of information-based speculation from Chucky Todd of NBC News.

One tweet in particular caught my attention…

chucktpolitical Take all "Palin to Iowa" rumors w/grain of salt BUT this IA reporter is plugged into to the state GOP. Perhaps 11/21? http://ping.fm/atZJm

Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout, Charles?

A bitch lives in Missouri…right in the middle, baby…and I don’t remember anyone asking a damn thing about Sarah Palin or Iowa or if her ass was going to be in Iowa in November. My political junkie ass had to Google that shit…and all I found were regional pieces talking about some GOP group that’s begging her to come to Iowa and cast out the demons of ideological uncertainty from their state party.

Yet, Chucky’s tweet makes it seem as if everyone and their dawg has been going WILD to confirm a Palin visit to Iowa…so much so that he felt compelled to provide a good source (Todd’s go-to source on this is…wait for it…The Iowa Republican).

And a bitch can’t help but wonder if this is a case of someone needing to get out of the beltway for a spell ‘cause those District of Columbia fumes are overpowering his ability to judge shit.

Or is Chucky Todd trying to create a frenzy by acting like there is already a frenzy so he can then report on the frenzy?

Blink.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Pondering the options for opting – A dream-based exploration of health care reform …

Lawd, have mercy!


A bitch has been running around like a crazy person trying to keep up with what’s going on with health care reform. The latest shift in the never ending saga comes from the Senate, where Senators have proposed options and…well, more options in hopes of getting this thang passed.


Since health care reform is all I’ve been thinking about, it comes as no surprise that a bitch dreamed about it too.


Note to the uninitiated – a bitch’s dream based exploration posts are based on my dreams and are in no way reflect reality unless my dreams are reality and this is just a dream.


Blink.


Shall we?


Last night, while a bitch and the sorta-beagles were sleeping, my mind opened up into dreams…


The scene - this bitch is some sort of MAC consultant working with Ms. Sistah Girl Senate Health Care Reform Bill (MsSGhcrB) on getting ready for the upcoming floor debate legislative pageant walking competition where MsSGhcrB will have to WORK! WORK IT, GIRL! to dazzle those cranky Senator judges into doing the right thing.


So, MsSGhcrB is currently in training for the competition and Senators who want to see

her win are swinging by the practice room offering suggestions.


Sen. Tom Carper of Delaware dropped in recently to suggest that MsSGhcrB may want to add some state-based opt-in to her outfit. Senator Carper even produced some samples of what he was talking about – a proposal-based tunic dress that would allow states the option to select to create their own state-based public insurance options if they want to.


But Senator Carper had barely finished his pitch before other more liberal Senators in the room told him straight up that they were not impressed!


Gasp.


They pointing out that Carper’s opt-in tunic was downright unflattering from a lot of different angles and put all the responsibility on those folks advocating a public option.


Well, Senator Carper left the room…more than a little peeved that his colleagues pissed all over his opt-in fashion tunic ‘cause, hello, it’s not like he didn’t stayed up all night sewing it.


While applying MsSGhcrB eyelashes, I overhear several liberals fussing about how they didn’t like that opt-in fashion tunic AT ALL but they are feeling like MsSGhcrB wasn’t ready for prime time while wearing that bland ass compromise outfit Senator Snowe demanded in exchange for her support to get out of committee.


Mercy.


A bitch was just reaching for the glitter when Senator Schumer entered the room…walking rather fast and

carrying a garment bag in one hand and a BeDazzler in the other.


He opened up the garment bag and pulled Senator Carper’s tunic out…the turned it inside out, exposing a whole new pattern!


I’ve inverted Carper's proposal,” Schumer explained “Now states will have the option of opting out!”


He then reached for the BeDazzler and got about the bitness of bedazzling the hell out of the hem and edges.


"See, now it is a default choice available to everyone! Even if you live in a Red State you’ll start off with the public option and be able to fight to keep it…and you can wear it with or without boots too!"


MsSGhcrB quickly put the frock on.


“I LOVE the color!” she gasped. “And I really like the way legislation would have to be passed by the state legislature and signed by the governor in order for a state to remove itself from the national public plan!”


My heart swelled with hope as MsSGhcrB pulled on a pair of fierce shoes and did a practice walk worthy of Naomi Campbell to a music track mix of Teddy Kennedy’s1980 Democratic National Convention Address.


“Work it, girl!” I called out to her.


“Go on, with you bad health care reform Senate bill self!!”


And then my ass woke up.


Blink.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

A bitch’s night at the Symphony followed by hockey with White Castle cheeseburgers on the side…

Yesterday was a full on festival of entertainment and socialization for this bitch!

I kicked it off by going to my friend Jeffrey Ricker’s birthday party (happy, happy to you!!)…and loving on all the adorable dawgs in attendance...and eating too much chocolate…and then eating more chocolate, ‘cause it was there and I’d already eaten too much so why the hell not keep on going.

Mercy.

Then we headed home to feed our dawgs and get ready for an evening at the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra.

Blink.

What?

A bitch digs me some classical music…I though you knew!

And the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra is all that with an extra dash of fierce…a true local treasure in my book.

Anyhoo, the fantabulous Yo-Yo Ma came to town for a gala concert with the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra (SLSO). C-Money scored tickets through her college alumni club (behold, the power of Crimson!!). So, after the birthday party we headed to Powell Symphony Hall…and can I tell you, every time I go to Powell Symphony Hall I end up wondering why it’s been so damn long since I’ve been.

After an enjoyable time sipping bourbon and people watching, we took our seats and settled in for the first performance of the night - Schubert’s Symphony No. 8 (otherwise known as "Unfinished"). David Robertson got his conducting on and SLSO played the hell out of some Schubert.

After a brief break, Yo-Yo Ma and his cello took the stage.

Yo-Yo (we’re not close, but a bitch feels like we’d be brunch buddies if we lived in the same city) made Dvořák’s Cello Concerto come to life!

‘Tis a rare gift to experience music played with passion, joy and power.

And watching Yo-Yo Ma perform was a once in a lifetime kind of gift for me.

It was over to quickly, but then Yo-Yo may came back for an encore! He borrowed the first cellist’s cello (a bitch thinks the conversation went something like “Dude, are you using that?” from Yo-Yo, to which the first cellist responded “Sure, no problem man” even though he was really thinking “OMG, Yo-Yo Ma is going to borrow my cello and I left my iPhone in the car so I can’t even twit pic this shit!!” SHIT!!) and then proceeded to dazzle us all over again.

We got the ultimate bonus performance, y’all…and it was like asking for a three piece with a pepper and getting an extra piece, a biscuit and honey for free!

Yay!

C-Money and this bitch left Powell Symphony Hall (we didn’t go in for the post concert Gala) on a classical high…but the evening was far from over, because my beloved St. Louis Blues (sans T.J. Oshie who had his ‘pendix taken out and is on the Jell-O eating bed rest list for two weeks) played a hockey game while we were getting our classical on.

Thanks to the magic of DVR technology, this bitch was able to catch the symphony and not miss the game.

Sadly, DVR technology was unable to help the Blue’s power play.

But vodka and White Castle cheeseburger yummification made suffering a loss to the goonified Stars less awful.

Sigh.

What?

Oh, don’t even try to tell me that we were the only people who satisfied our crave for White Castle after the Symphony.

Pause…consider…continue.

Okay, maybe we were in the minority there but a bitch suspects those Gala attendees thought about it real hard…

Anyhoo, all in all it was a fantabulous day of super social outgoingness.

Happy, happy, happy and joy times three!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Friday!

Let’s jump right on in, shall we?

Yes, I saw a wee bit of Ann Coulter's appearance on Joy Behar’s CNN show.

No, I wasn’t shocked by her saying that all assassins are liberals.

I was, however, pleasantly surprised to see that she’s touched up those roots. This bitch suspects she wanted to look her blondest best when launching this latest desperate bid for attention...

…‘cause if editors and producers really like what she’s got to say her picture will be blasted across the internets and her crazy talk will air on television sets and people will start booking her again and she’ll get a show slated to air opposite Rachel Maddow and then won’t they all be sorry for not picking her for the neo-con kickball team this year!

Cough.

Anyhoo, saying that all assassins are liberals is more than just a historically inaccurate and wacky in a bad way statement – John Wilkes Booth was a lot of things but Super Duper Liberal wasn’t one of them – it’s also a pathetic attempt to regain the position of Most Offensive Conservative in America.

The thing is that we’ve already moved on from Ann Coulter.

Think Bay Buchanan or Mary Matalin.

And the choir asked... "Who the fuck are they?"

And a bitch replied... "Exactly."

The blogs now have Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin and a reanimated Pat Buchanan and those wacky birthers and…

Well, I guess Ann didn’t get my direct message tweet saying that it was fun while it lasted but now her ass has been blocked.

Blink.

Anyhoo, onward to more interesting shit like...

...did y’all see the story about the man who pleaded guilty to DWI in motorized La-Z-Boy?

There’s a picture and a bitch is praying to the YouTube gods of that someone caught this shit on video!

Toodles...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Pondering the formula...

A bitch is pretty damned good at avoiding entertainment that is going to insult the hell out of me and make my ‘fro hurt.

I have high blood pressure and, even though ‘tis under control, I try to limit the number of times per day I’m exposed to shit that works my last nerve.

Anyhoo, the other day Brother Rob sent me an email to alert me to Pat Buchanan’s latest public display of rancidity. Having already accidentally exposed myself to a freakish dismissal of slavery aired on 105.7 The Point’s morning show (using some listener story about a black child who dressed as a “happy slave” for Halloween…so see, some black people have a sense of humor about it why can’t you?) ...Lawd, have mercy... I knew it wouldn’t be wise to test my pressure for at least 24 hours.

Shit, all I wanted was a little Rage Against the Machine to jump start my morning…but I should have know better than to stay on that radio station once the on-air talent came on. The second they started talking, a bitch detected the distinct accent of an ig’nant asshole following the offensive formula radio stations have determined to appeal to straight white men between the ages of 14 and 24.

permission to be ig'nant/bigotted/vile + rock music = listeners

A bitch used to sell radio, so I get that shit.

What I don’t get is why MSNBC is applying that same formula (minus the rock music) to their political programming.

The cable networks seem to be in a race to see who can claim to have the most rancid conservative commentator…

…and MSNBC just took the lead with Pat Buchanan.

Hell, Buchanan has been an ig’nant racist misogynist longer than Glenn Beck has been alive!

He’s so rancid...

And the chil'ren asked "How rancid is he?!?"

... he's so rancid, he makes CNN’s insistence on paying Bill I like to ponder the benefits of killing all black babies Bennett look weak as a motherfucker.

And no one’s even talking about Bill O’Reilly or that dude on CNN who is scared damn near to death of Latinos.

I just don’t get it.

When I sold radio one thing was clear…straight white men between the ages of 14 and 24 are loyal as hell listeners and they have little to no spending power.

Oh, there are bitnesses that need to target them, but not as many as need to target women between the ages of 25 and 54. Thus, despite the huge ratings and impressive loyalty, we often ended up selling stations like 105.7 The Point at a discount.

Now, that might work with a radio station that’s part of a bundle due to the massive consolidation of ownership…but I’m pretty sure television networks need to keep their appeal broad so they can make the case to advertisers that they (the network) deliver lots and lots of viewers.

But Pat Buchanan doesn’t appeal to normal people. Have you seen him? Ain’t no way in hell he’s pulling in women between the ages of 25-54!

Maybe he’s there to appeal to some segment some consultant said MSNBC just had to start appealing to.

Mayhap those “traditional Americans” Buchanan claims are losing “their” country?

But a bitch has news for MSNBC.

There’s another formula that y’all need to keep in mind.

If the percent rancidity of Buchanan (R/B) exceeds the percent of liberal fantabulousness of Rachel Maddow (LFoRM), television sets tuned in to MSNBC will begin to pump out the stank of bullshit.

% RB > LFoRM = BS

And this non-traditional angry black bitch between the ages of 25 and 54 doesn't tolerate stank...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

On that ig'nant as hell Louisiana judge or why I need a lifetime supply of Excedrin Racial Tension Headache meds…

Pause…stretch…begin.

A bitch received tons of emails requesting my thoughts on a certain ig’nant judge in Louisiana who refused to marry a local couple (one man and one woman…says so on their birth certificates!) because the one man is a person of color and the one woman is white. The judge has not backed down, claiming that he is not a racist because he has allowed people of color to use his bathroom…and that he did it out of concern for the couple’s future chil’ren.

Blink.

Governor Jindal has called for the judge to get the boot.

What a difference 40 plus years makes, huh?

I mean, socially accepted shit that seemed so crucial when done back in the day can make folks wince and instinctively jump up in protest when done in the present day.

That’s something to think about…since the issue of who should be allowed to get married and the argument that chil’ren may be harmed is still on the table for thousands of LGBT Americans.

Cough.

Anyhoo, this bitch is going to focus on that 'I've let black people use my bathroom' bullshit today.

Shark-Fu’s Official Statement on People Who Work a Nerve Saying Ig’nant Shit that They Mistakenly Believe Makes Them Look Good or At Least Not Look Ig'nant on the Issue of Race…

For the record…

1. Sharing with me that the maid your family employed in your youth was a black woman...
2. Tossing out examples of when you didn’t fired a person of color for acting uppity…
3. Confessing that you adore that Prissy from Gone with the Wind but you sort of feel guilty about that…
4. Admitting that you still watch Seinfeld and just love that wacky Kramer…
5. Telling me that African babies are just so darn adorable you wanna adopt every single one of them and take them away from "that place"…
6. Admitting that you once took a person of color home to meet the family (when you were at college, natch) because you’re not like [insert Archie bunker parent]…
7. Or citing your childhood nanny of color who was…wait for it… "just like family”…

...Lawd have mercy…introducing that shit into a conversation/debate/discussion is not the way to make the case that your ass has done the inner work to get progressive on race.

Just like offering up that he let black people use his bathroom (a bitch suspects that he threw away the towels and had the little woman wipe the place down with bleach after) is not proof that the Louisiana judge who refused to marry that couple is not a racist.

But that shit is very helpful to this bitch as I make the case for immediate mass production of Excedrin Racial Tension Headache meds

Friday, October 16, 2009

Falcon the Balloon Boy and the wild ride that never happened…

Happy Friday, y’all!

Let’s jump right on in.

As I type, this bitch is watching the Balloon Family on ABC and NBC at the same time. Balloon Boy has just exited stage left on NBC…apparently he got ill mid-interview, but a bitch wouldn’t be surprised if Balloon Father didn’t jump up into the next segment and announce that Balloon Boy is now trapped on top of the Empire State Building with a giant primate.

The entire Balloon Family is still on ABC, though.

Mercy.

I missed most of Balloon Boy 2009 – The Non-flight of the Foolish…didn’t even know it was going down until someone sent an email asking for prayers and such. But apparently yesterday everyone and their dawg was watching live coverage of a flying saucer-esque balloon that allegedly had a young boy in it and was definitely flying across the sky at a very high altitude.

This bitch totally gets why this story got picked up.

A freakish and photogenic shiny silver balloon + a young child on board + and slow news day = no-brainer.

I get it!

What I’m currently fascinated by is the press…now doubtful ‘cause of something Balloon Boy said on Larry King last night about doing it because of a “show” (Lawd, have mercy!)…yeah, so now the press is attempting to find out if this entire thing was a stunt or if maybe the kids were pulling a stunt on their parents that got out of control or if this whole thing was really what it was reported to be and Balloon Boy really was hiding in the attic while the whole world was watching his balloon as if his ass was in it.

Observing the difficult time these morning anchors are having getting to the facts of the matter sure as shit is fascinating!

C’mon now, people…get your grill on or shut the fuck up ‘bout it!

Hell, a bitch suspects that all y’all aren’t really pissed at all.

I bet the ratings from yesterday’s festival of speculation-based viewage are HUGE.

Pause…consider…continue.

So, if the Balloon Family didn’t do it all for a show…

…this bitch’ll bet some reality show producer will change that before the weekend is over.

Blink.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

By request – A correction…

It’s been a long time since this bitch has indulged in a dream-based correction. Hell, a lot of you have no fucking idea what I’m talking about! Longtime readers know that this bitch has vivid dreams that I try to write down the second I wake up…some of these dreams result from hearing about trifling bullshit and are a bitch’s mental response to my natural urge to deal out some correction-based whoop ass. These dreams are just dreams and in no way reflect what a bitch would ever actually do while awake…’cause I’m mostly non-violent now (wink).

Ahem.

Anyhoo, I did not dream about a correction last night.

Pause…wait for sounds of disappointment to quiet…continue.

But that does not mean that a bitch can’t indulge in some wakeful correction-based realness!

Shall we?

Yesterday I read this post at Joe. My. God. about an Illinois teacher who has allegedly lost his motherfucking mind. Dave Burk is alleged to have told his students..

"How would you feel about your tax dollars going to pay some black fag in New York to take pictures of other black fags?"

Burk was ranting about the National Endowment of the Arts.

Jordan Hunter, an openly gay student at the school and yet another example that our youth are amazing, is leading calls for Burk’s termination.

Burk, through an attorney, is claiming that he never intended to offend anyone even though his attorney carefully phrased his remarks so as to not admit that anything was said that would offend.

Motherfucker please!

You know damn well that shit is offensive. A bitch would looooooove to hear which part of “black fags” you reject most – the black, the fag or the combo?

Asshole.

If I were the Ruler of the Known Universe one of my first acts would be to declare bullshit apologies illegal.

Sometimes "sorry" don’t cut it.

As a matter of fact, "sorry" pisses me off!

Yeah, that’s right…that apology is just another offense.

And the chorus asked… “Why bitch?!?”

And a bitch replied… Because the only thing worse than some ig’nant hate-filled wouldn’t know a Mapplethorpe if his life depended on it motherfucker whose salary is paid for by a lot of LGBT or black or LGBT & black at the same time tax payers insulting and verbally harassing youth is that same ig’nant motherfucker denying that he got off while doing it.

I’m sorry and I didn’t realize that tossing gobs of shit at the students would offend some of them! does not pass the smell test.

I’ll repeat…motherfucker please.

Saying that shit made his sorry ass happy as hell. It gave him a “moment”…a flash of power to give vent to his rage and disappointment over the reality that being a straight white man in America isn’t paying off the way his Momma always told him it would…

…when she should have been taking care of the home training he so clearly lacks.

A bitch thinks Jordan Hunter had the best response … "If he wants to talk about a poor place to put our tax dollars, I think his salary is a poor place to put our tax dollars."

Preach.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A quizzical on the lack of outrage over the end of the marriage of John and Kate who have eight…

Shall we?

Confession – this bitch has not, does not now and most likely will never watch John and Kate Plus 8 (now Kate Plus 8 with the exception being when it’s John Plus 8 on the weekends).

So, the John and Kate Plus 8 saga has been impossible to avoid. It reminds this bitch of the American Idol frenzified coverage that has been so wall-to-wall that a bitch knows what’s what and my ass never even watched that show...not once.

Why bother, when television news is basically a reality television highlight reel?

Since the J&K+8 drama has been forced upon this bitch (summary – they have a reality television show that documents their lives with eight chil’ren, several of which were born at the same time. Their marriage is falling apart and now shit is getting ugly so the future show is up in the air but the train wreck is keeping the gossip watchers busier than hell)… I took a moment this morning to skim an article about some new development requiring John to give thousands of dollars back to Kate and blah, blah and more blah.

Fuck it.

This bitch could give a shit 'bout that news…but I am quizzical over a certain something that has been missing from the over the top and freakishly dedicated coverage of J&K+8.

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

Where the fuck are the defenders of man-on-woman sanctified marriage?

***cue crickets with cicada singing backup***

I’m serious.

Where’s “the church”…where's that asshole from Focus on the Family…the politicians…and why the fuck hasn’t Sarah Palin released a statement on the monumental threat to chil’ren, family and the nation posed by the implosion of one of the most popular multi-birth families on television?

My gods, a bitch can’t believe there hasn’t been a letter writing campaign…a march followed by sit-in at [insert television network covering the hell out of this story 'cause it's a ratings dream come true]. I can't believe there hasn't been a massive action to protest the HUGE threat to traditional blah blah that John and Kate divorcing could be!

For the love of all that would prevent the man-on-woman sanctified marriage movement from being completely full of shit, these people are making divorce must see tv. There should be Congressional hearings and a federal amendment banning man-on-woman celebrity divorce in cases where the marriage, though dysfunctional, is a ratings downpour.

And what about the chil’ren?

What about their right to be raised in a house torn apart by bitterness and lies by two people, one a man and that other a woman who were joined together in sanctified marriage by intelligent design to go forth and populate the land with photogenic wee ones that love the camera and already know that the camera loves them back...mmmhmm, to be raised by parents who can’t stand each other and have a tendency to give television interviews that are so chock full of TMI that a bitch has to change the channel?

Huh?

***crickets and cicada begin to sing Whitney Houston’s "Didn’t We Almost Have it All"***

I just don’t get it!

Unless…

Pause...consider...continue.

...unless all that defense of marriage talk with campaigns and spokes-people and commercials and interviews and websites and organizations and federal dollars funding more campaigns and commercials and websites and counselors and so forth and so on…unless all of that was, is and will always be bullshit.

Blink.

***logs off to enjoy the crickets/cicada show***

Monday, October 12, 2009

Congrats to the Equality Marchers…

A bitch caught coverage of the National Equality March on CSPAN and online and was impressed with the diversity of voices represented among the speakers!

Congrats to the organizers and the marchers…

…and to the local communities they represent and return to, fired up and ready to work toward LGBT equality and social justice.

The one thing we did right was the day we started to fight!

Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on!

By Request, pondering the Nobel Peace Prize…

I must admit to being shocked by the news that President Obama has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize…but not shocked by the reactions that poured in through the internets immediately following the announcement.

Shall we…with assistance from The Beatles (wink)?

Two, one, two, three, four
Ev'rybody's talking about
Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism,
Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, That-ism, is-m, is-m, is-m

There were the Corn Flakes pissers…
You know, folks who keep saying...

"This is just another example of how that international community wants to reward Obama for his constant apologizing about American exceptionalism and so here I am pissing in this fresh bowl of Corn Flakes with a Norwegian flag floating in it to water the...umm, cereal bowl of liberty!"

All we are saying is give piece a chance,
All we are saying is give piece a chance!

Then there were the knee jerk defenders reacting to the Corn Flakes pissers…
Who offer...
"You neo-cons are out of control, whipping your contrary weens out and pissing in well deserved bowls of corn-based flakes just because you are addicted to pissing in and on anything associated with President Obama! Shame on you…and your nasty habit of urinating in breakfast cereal and calling it an act of patriotism!"

C'mon
Ev'rybody's talking about ministers,
Sinister, Banisters
And canisters, Bishops, Fishops,
Rabbis, and Pop eyes, Bye, bye, bye byes

There were the “oooh, do I get to express my inability to be impressed by anything? Yay!” folks…
"It’s not as if the Nobel Peace Prize has been a legitimate prize since they gave it to [insert person found lacking by individual no longer capable of achieving a state of being impressed by anything]. I’m going to skip the ceremony and listen to Morrissey while reading Kafka on my Kindle."

All we are saying is give peace a chance,
All we are saying is give peace a chance!

...and then there are the peace makers, who took the opportunity to point out the many ways President Obama has yet to work toward peace...and could now be inspired to focus on...

Let me tell you now
Revoluton, evolution, masturbation,
Flagellation, regulation, integrations,
Meditations, United Nations,
Congratulations

These are the voices that were drowned out by the conservative talking heads dropping intellectually lazy insults and the liberal and/or progressive talking heads raising somewhat inaccurate defenses.

Ev'rybody's talking about
John and Yoko, Timmy Leary, Rosemary,
Tommy Smothers, Bobby Dylan,

The voices of peace activists, who ask legitimate questions about this nation’s continued use of rendition…about the still unresolved issue of Gitmo…about the wars we continue to fight…and about the weapons we continue to maintain and make even as the chorus raises its call demanding the destruction of the tools of war in the name of...

Tommy Copper,
Derek Taylor, Norman Mailer,
Allen Ginsberg, Hare Krishna,

Barack Obama

Blink.

What does it mean for society when the voice of the peace maker is drowned out or easily dismissed by the disagreement addicts and the reactionaries who live for the moment when their adversary stops talking so they can launch in with the clever what-what they just thought up…and it all gets so bloody loud that it’s easy to make the mistake of thinking that no one is talking about...

...how not to make war, how not to shoot it all out, how not to walk with fear, how not to ignore the millions of innocents killed through war, how not to get tired of the struggle, how not to pander to the dream even as you work to silence the activists singing over and over and over again that...

All we are saying, is give peace a chance.

All we are saying, is give peace a chance.

Lawd, have mercy.

If the Nobel Peace Prize being awarded to President Obama accomplishes anything…

…may it help one person of influence hear the chant above the bullshit and give peace a chance.

Friday, October 09, 2009

A tip of the Afro to Harry Connick Jr…

A tip of the Afro to a certain Harry Connick Jr., who kept in real…on air…after a skit on an Australian television show featured performers mocking the Jackson Five in blackface.

Connick Jr. was judging and he…well, he judged that skit to be insulting and inappropriate.

He earned a tip of the Afro for doing so in real time…not after getting shit for appearing on the show. His response was immediate…as it should have been.

Harry Connick Jr. went on to say that he would not have appeared on the show had he known about the skit ahead of time.

As for the show and the decision to mock the Jackson Five with a blackface rendition of the Jackson Jive…well, the host admitted later in the show that they are aware in Australia that blackface is insulting.

A bitch hopes the host has learned that referring to men as “boys” is also insulting...

...even as I acknowledge that the host would be rewarded here in the states with conservative super star status, tons of donations and a campaign exploratory committee plus a show on FOX.

Blink.

Anyhoo, keep on keepin’ on Harry Connick Jr.!

Thursday, October 08, 2009

For those who get their information ‘bout black folk from conservative media and then try to leave rancid comments here…

Let’s jump right on in, shall we?

Every time this bitch does a post mentioning Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh or FOX News a crew of knavish minions pop up and attempt to post distraction-based comments. Since a bitch moderates the comments posted to this blog…for just that reason, ‘cause I can’t stand distraction-based off topic ig’nant bullshit comments…many of them go unaddressed. It occurs to me that at least one of these knavish minions may just be misinformed and…well, a mind is a horrible thing to waste.

So, this bitch is gonna clarify some of the wrongness that has landed in my in-box over the last week!

Ahem.

#1 You blame white people for every wrong ever done since the dawn of time.

That is so not true!

When I write a post about a wrong thing a white person has done (for example, Rush Limbaugh saying that basketball is the sport of gangs) that is not the same thing as saying all white people do wrong things.

Pause…allow slow minds to catch up…continue.

A bitch has a lot of white friends who have done nothing to deserve the insult of having everything Limbaugh says associated with them and theirs.

So, ease thy troubled mind!

When I blame something on all white people I promise I’ll start the sentence off with something like “All white people are responsible for [insert wrongness]”.

Christ.

#2 You are unemployed, have ten chil’ren and are blogging from a public library.

Lawd, have mercy.

I know that over-exposure to FOX television or conservative radio can skew one’s outlook, but c’mon now!

A bitch has a job.

Technically, I have more than one since I’m also a freelance writer.

I sure as shit am employed, not that a person’s worth is determined by their employment and not to validate the notion that only employed people can see bullshit and call it out for the stinking pile of crap that it is.

I do not have chil’ren.

I know…that goes against everything some of you trollish asses have been led to believe about women of color. But if you actually left your mother's basement and got out more you'd realize that a lot of the shit you think is true isn't.

Not only do I have a job…not only am I not a parent…but I blog from my home using the internet service I pay for my damn self!

No shit.

But hey, I am a Simon’s Rock College and Brandeis alum…so the few of you who blamed my brain on an east coast liberal arts education got that one right!

Sigh.

Oh, oh…one more thing!

I don’t like basketball…and I’m not in a gang, unless the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks counts.

Tonight I’m gonna watch my beloved Blues play ice hockey (the official favorite sport of angry black bitches)…

...right after I attend the monthly meeting of the Society of All Black Folk and find out what we're all supposed to believe/want/fear/desire/enjoy/eat/vote for and blah followed by blah and more blah.

Lawd, give me strength.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

The Google are coming and pondering the reform marathon…

The Google image is one of those scanner bar code things today.

It’s freakish!

Mmmhmm, a bitch suspects it is a code for the Cylons to get busy.

Pause…consider…continue.

Or maybe it is code for the Google to get busy…maybe there have been Cylon-esque Google-bots living among us just waiting for that scanner code looking thing to be posted on their homepage.

Mercy.

Anyhoo…

After a summer of trifling bullshit, it looks like the opinion polls on health care reform are finally settling down.

Yay.

A bitch would be bitter if this shit didn’t matter so damn much.

Even so, the country is still undecided. A bitch suspects this has a lot to do with the fact that most of the country hasn’t been listening to the facts on health care reform. Most of the masses have been wading through bullshit, so it may appear that the message isn’t being well received but in reality ‘tis the bullshit that’s being rejected.

Sigh.

All this really means is that the fight continues…and this bitch will be phone banking for a while.

So, if you happen to get a call from someone about how real reform includes women’s health care and women can not be worse off after health care reform than we are now it may be this bitch!

Or it may be one of the thousands of other people working hard on this issue.

Real reform is a marathon, not a mad dash…and we’ve got miles yet to go.

But a bitch believes we will get there…

…and hopes that the Cylon Google-bots haven’t gotten there first.

Blink.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Pondering the company you keep with Theo the sorta-beagle…

A bitch woke up to a stormy and rainy morning today…so naturally, Theo the sorta-beagle was shaking his ass off in response.

Sigh.

This dawg is not a rain dawg at all. The only thing worse than witnessing Theo’s skake fits is having him attempt to climb into my t-shirt with me. Note to self…trim that sorta-beagle’s nails!

Mercy.

Anyhoo, in an effort to distract Theo from his storm-based fear, a bitch settled down to read some sports…

…only to have a mini-nightmare my damn self!

Rush Limbaugh is in some sort of partnership to buy the St. Louis Rams
.

Yeah, I didn’t give a flying shit either. Hell, a bitch was surprised to learn the Rams are still around…wince…but something captured within the Limbaugh story chilled a bitch to the bone and damn near had my ass shaking like a sort-beagle in the midst of a rain storm.

Limbaugh’s alleged partnership is with a certain Dave Checketts…of the Checketts Group, which owns my beloved St. Louis Blues hockey club.

Gasp.

And Limbaugh called Mr. Checketts “Dave” in the article…like they are tight or something…like they are homeboys from way back in the day and regularly gather in Cape Girardeau for beer and sing alongs of racist jingles while dancing ‘round burning crosses in Limbaugh’s back yard!

Good Gawd, Dave Checketts!

A bitch had no idea there was less than one degree of separation between my Blues and that rancid evil rotting from within and stinking with it knave from Cape Girardeau!

Christ, what if Limbaugh’s hatred of all things decent and good rubs off on my team?

What if my fear that ig’nance is indeed an infectious disease is proven true by an outbreak of Bigotted Asshole over at Scottrade Center?

Shit.

Well, I’m not having it!

Limbaugh can do as he wishes with the Rams…they can’t be fucked up anymore than they already are.

But he needs to keep his cloven hooves off my hockey team!

Shit.

A bitch can only pray that the NHL’s diversity efforts will act as an asshole repellent toward all things Limbaugh.

Blink.

***logs off to shake alongside Theo the sorta-beagle while chanting "Hockey is for Everyone"***

Monday, October 05, 2009

Recovery…

Let’s jump right on in, shall we?

This bitch was sick last week.

I spent two days on the couch…miserable with a touch of the plague…and watched the news unfold about the horrific beating death of another young Chicagoan.

Mercy.

Regina Bell's If I Could has been playing through my mind...so, please indulge me.

If I could, I'd protect you
From the sadness in your eyes
Give you courage in
A world of compromise
Yes, I would

Another young life taken…another shrine of teddy bears and dime store candles to mark the spot and then deteriorate week after week, fading before the weary eyes of those left behind.

If I could, I would teach you
All the things I've never learned
And I'd help you cross
The bridges that I've burned
Yes, I would

If I could, I would try to
Shield your innocence from time
But the part of life
I gave you isn't mine
I'll watch you grow
So I can let you go

I could care less about Olympic bids…about winners and losers in some kind of international game that may or may not trickle down some prosperity upon the masses.

But I care about Chicago…about my hometown of St. Louis…about all the cities where teddy bear shrines line sidewalks, mothers wail and slap at their faces, where young people bury their friends and talking heads talk at each other about this solution or that solution or this program or that program…where violence in the community is a guaranteed stimulus plan for undertakers and funeral directors.

If I could, I would help you
Make it through the hungry years
But I know that I can
Never cry your tears, babe
But I would, if I could

If I could, in a time and place
Where you don't wanna be
You don't have to walk
Along this road with me
My yesterday won't
Have to be your way

I care that there are streets where violence is accepted…where folks greet news of shootings with shrugs because that’s just the way is goes.

I care because those streets aren’t so very far away…because I know young people who live there, ‘round the corner from the intersection between Gang Violence Gone Crazy Street and Community Apathy Run Amuck.

If I knew, I'd try to change
The world I brought you to
Now there isn't
Much more that I can do
But I would If I could

And so, I wept…while curled up on my couch…fever in the blood and soul on fire…I wept frustrated tears for all the Derrion Alberts who didn’t make it home.

I’d shake a fist at the heavens if I thought it would do any good.

If I could, I would try to
Shield your innocence from time
But the part of life
I gave you isn't mine
I'll watch you grow
So I can let you go

But this crisis didn’t develop overnight…it will not be solved by theatrics or speeches.

And there won’t be any wall-to-wall coverage of the struggle…no international announcement of the outcome met by cheering crowds and a shower of confetti.

If I could, I would help you
Make it through the hungry years

And all of that will not matter because this battle for hearts and minds is beyond worth it.

There are no throw away places, no lost chil’ren and no problems without solutions.

But I know that I can
Never cry your tears

There is just the crisis before us and all those teddy bear shrines lining the road to our backs.

No quick fix.

No pill to make it all go away.

As much as I wish…oh, how I wish that it were just that simple.

Lawd knows, I’d make it all better.

I would…

…if I could

Friday, October 02, 2009

Lawd, have mercy…

Okay, so this bitch has been trying to write about all manner of things but my brain is still more than a wee bit befuddled by anti-plague meds.

Ugh.

Thank the gods it’s Friday.

I plan to rest up this weekend...indulge in some distractitude-based television…and then catch up on all the shit that has been piling up in my in-box.

And look…yonder…’tis a healthy portion of the scandal-based news that David Letterman revealed on his show last night!

Perfect timing.

While I was watching NHL hockey...Dave was stunning his studio audience with his confession that he has had sex with women who worked for him at the time and then someone contacted him and threatened to expose that shit unless he (Dave) forked over millions.

Gasp.

And get this…the accused is an award winning producer from another CBS show 48 Hours Mystery.

Oh my!

Well.

Ummm.

Yeah.

Although that’s a 10 on the distractitude scale…

…the though of Letterman and sex is actually making my Afro nauseous.

Shudder.

Mmmhmmm, but it is hard to turn away even as it turns my stomach…kind of like when a bitch accidentally stumbles onto a Discovery Health Channel mystery diagnosis freakish surgery episode and can’t break away.

Blink.