Holiday preparedness...

To clarify for newish readers, vodka crans are...well, vodka followed by cran.

No lime allowed (shudder).

or other I'm partial to Swedish and Russian vodkas...and I've been known to experiment with grape cran and other cran blends to add variety.

But a vodka cran will always be ice followed by vodka followed by cran for this bitch.

My goodness, all that talk about Sex on a Beach made a bitch think about sand accumulating in uncomfortable places (wink).

Anyhoo...

This bitch and C-Money are headed to Baltimore for a family reunion!

And I don't know why I always wait until the last minute to get all my shit together.

Shit.

ABB's Quick Travel Check List...
Essential oils and moisturizations for Afro
Excedrin
Claritin
Benadryl
Sudafed

Blink.

Fresh bag of Smarties (yumtastic!)
Ms. Sister Girl MacBook

And a dash of travel-based patience.

I'll post again once we land.

Toodles for now...

Remembrance...

Two years ago today was like any other day until it wasn’t. I'm sure I went to work, laughed with some people and bitched about something...and then came Katrina.

I am unable to recall Katrina without selfishly thinking about my home, my family, my friends, my neighborhood and my beloved dawgs. And I am unable to think about what happened in The Gulf without being disgusted by what did not.

After two years this nation is still reluctant to go to war with poverty or advocate on behalf of the working poor or invest in our ancient infrastructure. My home city of St. Louis is a river town with levees and water marks on some city buildings, so there but for the grace of God go all of us or any of us.

Not a damn thing has changed but the date.

I don’t need a special segment-based retrospective or a special edition of the evening news. I simply close my eyes and see all that water, so much water, and the terror, so much terror.

One massive visual indictment of public policy gone wrong and government gone insane, forever married to the rebuilding which stands as a testament to the will of the people who remain and return to make their home rise again.

Go on with your bad selves down there in The Gulf.

Go on and show 'em where it's at...

The Craig Statement or The art of making a bad situation fubar…

Last night this bitch decided to view Senator Craig’s press conference at home whilst enjoying a yummified dinner and a rather fantabulous vodka cran.

With his wife at his side, Senator Craig said he did nothing “inappropriate”…that he is “not gay and never have been”…that he’s the victim of a “witch hunt” launched by the Idaho Statesman newspaper…that he only pleaded guilty because he was freaked out by that alleged witch hunt and that he now regrets having done so…oh, and that he didn’t consult with a lawyer, his staff, his political party or his family before entering that guilty plea.

Whew!

Alrighty then.

By the time Senator Craig was done talking and the talking heads were done spinning this bitch was on vodka cran number three (yum) and well into a fantabulous state of schadenfreudel bliss.

Based on his statement, we’re to believe that Senator Craig was so freaked out by the investigation launched by the Idaho Statesman newspaper that he would plea to something he wasn’t guilty of but not so freaked out that he would avoid peaking through airport bathroom stalls, getting his foot tapification on in what I’ve come to understand is a known bathroom bootie call technique and waving his hand under the stall wall to indicate interest.

Blink.

And we’re also asked to believe that Senator Craig lied…under oath and before a judge…when he entered his guilty plea some two months after the incident, which means that he committed perjury in August to cover up the airport bathroom foot tapping to signal lust-based incident.

Am I getting this shit right?

Senator Craig says he is not lying about not being gay but he did lie about that blow job solicitation thang…that he is not guilty of the acts he swore under oath that he was guilty of…and that he can’t imagine why (blink, blink and another blink) those mean ole meanies at the Idaho Statesman newspaper refuse to take his word on this matter.

Lawd, have mercy.

And with that performance, Senator Craig of the 'hypocrisy is his favorite value' Craigs gave a motherfucking clinic on the art of making a bad situation fubar...

Update on Missouri’s heinous anti-choice law…

A federal judge ruled to temporarily block enforcement of Missouri’s newest anti-choice law, which would have resulted in the shut down of Planned Parenthood clinics and the baring of trained sex education teachers from public schools…oh, and mandate an abstinence only curriculum state wide.

Hats off to Planned Parenthood and the legal team involved in winning this crucial ruling!

This is an opportunity for pro-choice grassroots activists to proactively plan for all manner of drama but be mindful that this war is far from won.

Check out Planned Parenthood’s web site for information and ways to get active.

A bitch will keep you posted on St. Louis based organizing and Kansas City folks should check out my sister in the struggle Blue Girl, Red State.

Breaking News…Senator Craig Schedules Press Conference!

Oh my goodness!

Senator Craig (R-Idaho) has scheduled a press conference to discuss his foot tapping (thank you all y’all readers who e-mailed a bitch to explain that shit in greater detail...blush) his “wide stance” technique while "going" and the art of getting arrested for lewd conduct in an airport bathroom.

Blink.

Will he resign?

Will he try to stay the course?

Will he come out of the closet?

Or is another high profile and guaranteed to be unsuccessful degayification in the works?

Gasp!

Oh bless you gods of the internets for thy bounty of closeted conservative political trash-based gossip!

A bitch is in St. Louis Magazine?!?

Update - I don't think the feature that mentions a bitch is on their web site. Sorry for the confusion! I'll share once I get my hands on a copy.

Yes, this bitch heard a rumor that my ass is mentioned in the current (September 2007) issue of St. Louis Magazine.

I too was shocked that it was not for my stunning fashion forwardness (wink).

I have not seen the issue yet (makes note to subscribe then curses all things distribution based because the new issue has not arrived at the Schnucks on The Hill…ugh!)

Oh well, this bitch knows how to find pleasure in anticipation.

And thank you for asking…the AngryBlackBitch logo was designed by the oh so talented and always fantabulous Rob Thurman of Rob Thurman dot com.

The bathroom stall, the Senator, some foot tapping and an arrest...

Senator Larry Craig of Idaho tried to get his George Michael on this past June?

Hush your mouth!

Daaaammmn, this bitch needs to read Roll Call more often.

Blink.

It was recently revealed that a certain Senator Larry Craig of Idaho was arrested for lewd conduct in a Minneapolis men's bathroom and plead guilty.

Okay, so lewd conduct could mean a lot of things and maybe he wasn't trying to get his George Michael on.

Umm, Roll Call reported the statement of the arresting officer...which reads a lot like the Gentleman from Idaho isn't a stranger to bathroom boogie etiquette.

Foot tapping as a mating call?

Who the fuck knew?!?

This bitch would have assumed he was just getting his groove on whilst taking a dump.

Cough.

Anyhoo, this bitch decided to get to know Senator Craig through his voting record.

Let's see...Senator Craig voted no on prohibiting job discrimination based on a person's sexual orientation. He voted yes on prohibiting same-sex marriage. He voted no on expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation so it comes as no surprise that he also voted no on adding sexual orientation to the definition of hate crimes. And Senator Craig voted yes to recommend a Constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage.

Blink.

Oh my.

With that kind of anti-LGBT equality voting record a bitch can come to only one conclusion.

Senator Craig was probably trying to get some in that airport men's room.

Shall we sing?

A bitch's thoughts on the resignation of Attorney General Gonzales...interpreted through the music of Ms. Dolly Parton...to be sung Whitney Houston style (wink).

Ahem.

If you
Had stayed
You would have only been in the laws way
So you’ll go
But I know
I'll think of you every step of the way

And I...
Will always hate you
Oohh
Will always hate you

You
Motherfucker…you
Mmm-mm

Bitter ass
Memories
That is all you’re getting from me
So good-bye
Please do cry
We both know you’re not what the nation needs

And I...
Will always loathe you
I...
Will always loathe you
You, ooh

[Sax solo…yeah, I know it’s a wee bit inappropriate, but...]

I hope
Karma is vicious
And I hope you get exactly what you've earned
I wish you wretchedness!
And unemployment
But above all this
I wish you to be judged...oh, yes judged

And I...
Will always hate you
I...
Will always hate you

I, I will always
Hate you....
You...asshole I hate you
I'll always
I'll always
Resent the hell out of your rancid unethical good ole boy ass!
You.
Oooooooooh

Fuck you…..!

In the Navy!

This bitch will confess to being fascinated by the Lisa Nowak astronaut gone mental story.

Fuck it, I need a good distraction as much as anybody!

Anyhoo, I just can’t get past the fact that Nowak is still an officer in the Navy.

My Grandfather’s Navy had some pretty strict rules regarding the conduct of officers…and this scandal alone, even without a conviction, should have fucked Nowak’s career up.

Yet she stands in court today asking to have her ankle monitoring devise removed because it irritates her skin and (this is the part that made my afro hurt) it rubs against her Navy uniform.

Her Navy uniform…Lawd, have mercy!

The military is kicking out honorably serving gays and lesbians for serving honorably and being gay or lesbian…but Lisa Nowak gets to sport her Navy uniform and cash her Navy paycheck despite being the definition of conduct unbecoming.

Nice.

Someone needs to design one of those web counter things to monitor how long it takes the Navy to not ask but tell Ms. Nowak to hit the road.

Tick tock goes the bullshit clock...

Well shit…I need a bitchfirmation!

Last night this bitch sat at home and tried to remember why the hell I keep giving a shit about all manner of things.

Sometimes it feels like no one else does (which is a wee bit heavy on the self pity) and sometimes it feels as if everyone else is counting on someone else to tackle the shit that needs to be tackled (which is probably painfully accurate).

Anyhoo, a bitch was wearily spent (even AngryBlackBitches get tired as hell)…which is actually a good space to be in for mental claritude. By the time Mad Men came on the telly (my newest guilty pleasure) my mind had settled and my soul was at peace.

Note – some people have affirmations…this bitch has bitchfirmations…

Bitchfirmation for the emotionally spent…
I have been blessed with the love of my family…for a reason.
I have the gift of fantabulous friends and their support…for a reason.
I have my health…for a reason.
I have my mind and my voice…for a reason.
I give a shit….for a reason.
And I woke up today…empowered, militant and defiant…for a reason.

If we don’t speak for ourselves some dumb motherfucker will speak for us…decide for us…live for us…and own us.

So, I practice the fine art of bitchitude for that reason.

Ah…clarity has been achieved.

…so bloody exhausted…

I feel the need to wade into this Vick shit once more.

Since news of a plea hit I’ve read a lot of opinion pieces and seen press conferences featuring black athletes or public figures either defending Mr. Vick, trying to compare dog fighting with hunting or laying the groundwork for his return to football once he has served his time.

I could go on and on about how dog fighting isn’t "just like hunting" or about how Mr. Vick can and most likely will speak up for himself before going to jail.

I could, but instead I’m going to change the angle a bit. I have to, because I live in the real world and public reaction to cases like this matter here…big time.

Pause...sip water...continue...

As a mentor who volunteers with mostly black youth I regularly feel like a fish swimming against the current. I’m so tired…so bloody exhausted…and often I’m desperate for points of moral leadership from those historic civil rights organizations to back me up and keep me sane.

The Vick investigation brought dog fighting out of the shadows and I saw it as a rare teachable moment featuring someone my students and mentee know. I hoped to explore the decision making lessons… why violence against animals is wrong… why we need to be mindful of the company we keep…the fact that money doesn’t make you better or above the law or happy or confident…and the fact that having a violent dog that inspires fear doesn’t make you a man or sexy or look grown.

Instead I have seen knees jerk in a defensive reaction so sadly predictable it makes me want to weep.

Here in St. Louis city the loss of the teachable moment is particularly painful as students return to a public school system in crisis…rising violent crime figures that don’t even inspire shock anymore…and a community still reeling from the shooting death of a 22 year old black police officer allegedly killed by a 15 year old boy over nothing.

Pause...sigh...continue...

We...black people...are not without examples of injustice born from racial prejudice within the legal system.

But I fear some lack the ability to see the difference between injustice and disappointment in the prosecution of a public figure who fucked up.

Clearly some lack the will to say the unpopular truth and lead by example.

So Vick becomes a victim and the crime he intends to plea to becomes no big deal.

Did wrong become right because he dazzled on the football field or because by fighting dogs he "kept it real"?

Jesus, is that what defines "keeping it real" now?

How the hell am I supposed to polish this twisted shit up and put it into context for young people of color who are going to learn a lesson from this case whether we want them to or not?

Damn it all.

I'm so bloody exhausted...

Another asshole heading our way...

A certain Bradley Schlozman is leaving his post as council to the Executive Office of United States Attorneys. Texans may know him as one of the redistricting minions. Missourians know Bradley from his U.S. Attorney days and the bizarre violation of Justice Department rules in 2006 (he tried to charge liberal voter registration groups with election fraud before the election).

Blink.

As a matter of fact, that strange rule breakage is allegedly what won Bradley the U.S. Attorney job…or I should say his willingness to break rules…or mayhap The Man just judged him to be the unethical slug he appears to be. Anyhoo, Brad got the gig after Todd Graves refused to sign off on some sort of lawsuit involving state voter rolls.

Oh my, what a coincidence!

Oh, but wait…it gets better.

Graves was out and Schlozman was in and...gasp!...the lawsuit was signed off on!

Mmmhmm, I ain’t lying.

They went forward with the suit and lost despite Schlozman’s backing from his new Justice Department perch in D.C. (they are appealing…’cause they have nothing better to do, right?...mercy!).

Now what in the world was going on in Missouri during the 2006 election that would inspire such…

…ah, the Senate race!

My goodness, that’s what hell of a coincidence (blink followed by blink).

Well he’s gone…and apparently trying to score a law firm job in the Midwest.

Pause…consider…continue.

Which pisses me this Midwestern bitch off!

We haven’t even started cleaning up from recent floods and now comes news of more sludge heading our way…

From the mind of Scooter B...Sorta-Thoughts on War…

The President did a fly by in Kansas City today on way to his ranch in Texas (pause and shudder over the lack of decency demonstrated by this asshole in giving a speech on sacrifice and dedication to veterans while racking up vacation days like they’re going out of bitness during a war).

Here are some thoughts inspired by his…wince followed by cough…"thoughts" regarding the broader context.

"Three decades later, there is a legitimate debate about how we got into the Vietnam War and how we left”

Which he read all about in Vietnam for Dummies while on vacation in Maine, because Lawd knows Bush’s pampered ass wasn’t paying attention at the time.

"Whatever your position in that debate, one unmistakable legacy of Vietnam is that the price of America's withdrawal was paid by millions of innocent citizens, whose agonies would add to our vocabulary new terms like 'boat people,' 're-education camps' and 'killing fields,”

And let’s conveniently not mention the innocent civilians who died during the Vietnam War...during any war...and during this war every day.

"Here at home, some can argue our withdrawal from Vietnam carried no price to American credibility, but the terrorists see things differently,"

The terrorists were emboldened by our withdrawal from Vietnam?

Huh?

Not to say that Vietnam didn’t do damage to America on the world stage (our involvement prior to war...our escalation of the war...and our withdrawal), but Bush and his minions need not fret. They’ve pretty much fucked our credibility into the basement on this one, so there’s no place to go but up.

And finally…

“The militarists of Japan and the Communists in Korea and Vietnam were driven by a merciless vision for the proper ordering of humanity. They killed Americans because we stood in the way of their attempt to force this ideology on others."

My goodness, that sounds familiar.

Blink.

Uh huh.

Isn't it interesting how some similarities just linger in the mind like a rancid fart in a humid room?

Fascinating.

My thoughts?

I think we need to come up with a plan to end this war.

A plan, not a series of "broader context" creating excuses for leaving all things fubar for someone else to clean up.

A plan...not a stump speech quote that gives a date certain without any details, because this one's going to hurt bad and we the people need to prepare for that.

A plan...because time will not make this better and speed will leave the wound clean.

A plan.

Seen one of those lately?

On the subject of Michael Vick...

As some of you know this bitch is a dawg guardian to two sorta-beagles and dawg aunt to one gorgeous chow shepherd mix.

I’m not able to discuss dog fighting or Michael Vick without feeling stroke-ish.

I’ll leave the commentary to Rikyrah at Jack & Jill Politics, who I think did a fine post on this topic.

And I urge you to support the work of Stray Rescue of St. Louis, as I personally will, in memory of the animals that lost their lives for the abomination of dog fighting.

The problem with fuck-ups in power is…

…fuck-ups with power.

Blink.

How the fuck is a bitch supposed to trust the same government that has fucked up just about everything to do anything right?

My nerves are fried…the simplest of news item now inspires terror as a bitch contemplates the minions in charge actually trying to be in charge!

Example – the Pentagon will power down the infamous TALON database on September 17, 2007. The database was supposed to track threats to military bases and such…but somehow it went retro all on its own (blink, blink followed by blink) and got its Nixon on by tracking peaceful anti-war protest and participants.

Oh, I’d like to be glad that another arm of our government that was being used as a weapon against political enemies of the current Nightmare in Charge and his war is being shut down.

But the same fuck-ups who lost a shit load of guns in Iraq…the same fuck-ups who used the system to violate the rights of Americans because they had the audacity to utilize their right to peaceful protest…and the same fuck-ups who contracted with a wanted criminal who supplied arms to al Qaeda and paid him a fabillion trillion dollars to fly arms for America (oh, for the love of…SHIT!)…those same assholes are now being trusted to power down a database containing sensitive information about average folks.

Mercy!

The Threat and Local Observation Notice database includes reports on some 150 local anti-war protests.

And they’re just going to “power down” the database.

Right...great...with our luck they'll shut down the internets accidentally on purpose.

If you see the Buddha…

A bitch was caught up in back to school drama this morning. I thought my mentee was set on who/what/when and which uniform she needed…only to find out that she wasn’t set on any of that shit…only to then realize that no one was working on getting that shit set for her…which is why my mentee has missed the first two days of school.

Why oh why do some people act like the first day of school jumps up and slaps them across the face every year?

Why!?!

The first day of school is like this bitch’s birthday…blink…and it should be marked in ink on one’s calendar months in advance and planned for with eager anticipation.

It sure as shit shouldn’t be a fucking surprise to anyone.

Damn it to hell and back again, this bitch doesn’t even have chil’ren.

I’m not even a teacher!

So if my ass knew the first day of school was Monday everyone should have known that shit.

Damn it to hell and back again.

Thank Gawd Brother Rob called me this morning with some spiritual counseling!

Mmmmhmmm, His Pontifical Greatness Brother Rob Thurman blessed a bitch with this nugget of realness…

The world has always had misery. You can’t take on all of the world’s misery. You can only work on what you were meant to work on.

Or something like that.

Anyhoo, it calmed a bitch down...big time!

Sigh.

Thank you Brother Rob for sharing that Zen shit you picked up at Buddha class with this bitch!

Political hair update, post trim and color…

By the way, a bitch went ahead and added color to my political hair statement.

I’m not vain, but…well, my Afro is now fantastically fantabulous.

Speaking of political statements, my stylist gave me a blow out so she could get her trim on.

Felt right, y’all…and militant as hell!

Mayhap I’ll take pictures…if I can find C-Money's camera (wink)…

The realness cloud…

A certain Marva, who is a self proclaimed black Republican, wrote this bitch an e-mail.

Blink.

After reading several posts, Marva was moved to “urge me to come down off of my fantasy cloud and face the reality that liberal politics hurt black people”.

Ahhh, this bitch hasn’t heard the fervent plea of a black conservatism in a month of Sundays.

Welcome, Marva!

Shall we?

A bitch has been floating on a cloud of realness, honey…for years…and I’m sure as shit not coming down anytime soon.

You know and I know that you know and I know that this country hasn’t seen real liberal policies in forever and a day, so let’s stop bullshitting and get down to business.

A system of public education that equally distributes funding, provides oversight as well as assistance when that oversight finds flaws and that values teaching our youth rather than dismantling public education through passive aggressive policy-based terrorism will be good for America.

Tax reform that closes loop holes and taxes rich motherfuckers too instead of handing them a pass…that eases the burden on the middle class and single parents and young people and the working poor…that actually takes in money from corporations instead of granting them a fabillion trillion ways to get over…cough…that kind of reform will be good for the majority of Americans and last time I checked black people are in that number.

Restoring comprehensive sex education to our public school curriculum and supporting those agencies who step up to assist in teaching comprehensive sex education will be good for all of us too. The Man has long denied black people access to knowledge under the guise that he’s doing it for our own good…and it has never ever ever been for our own good.

Establishing a system of healthcare that actually promotes health, eliminates or significantly reduces the burden of medical expenses for working Americans and covers every American child is the kind of public policy that will radically improve the lives of all people. And even a fiscal conservative can’t defend the dollars every state hemorrhages through inadequately run programs that rely on expensive emergency care rather than cheaper proactive healthcare.

Safe and affordable housing that encourages neighborhood stability and solid communities…community policing that integrates law enforcement into daily life to reduce distance and mistrust…a living wage, jobs that lead to careers not dead ends, drinkable water, breathable air, safe food, safe roads and bridges, less weapons and more books (Lawd, have mercy!!)…all that shit is good for people.

But Marva, I know and you know that I know and you know that what’s good for black people isn’t really the issue at hand.

You either don’t think America is capable of doing the right thing and that our government can’t do any better…which means that you know things are fucked but lack the courage of your convictions.

Or you honestly think that the reason some black Americans struggle to thrive is that they haven’t embraced conservatism…which means you’re crazy as hell.

Wake up, sister...I’ve still got some room left up on my cloud.

Just in case Bush II – The Reckoning wasn’t Nixonian enough for you…

…Jenna Bush is engaged.

So, the clued out and young as hell blond daughter of our mentally deranged President who is hated by his nation is engaged to the politically connected but personally unaccomplished son of a Republican party someoneorother.

Is Jenna's middle name Tricia?

Cough.

I should have known Scooter B. would fuck the Watergate Revival timeline to hell and back!

But it may still work...

Okay, give me a White House wedding so someone can leak the Pentagon Papers on Iraq a few days later and freak out the President, inspire a flawed burglary and the subsequent arrests of assholes linked to the White House….gasp…which will be followed by a cover up uncovered by some good journalism thus resulting in a political/legal crisis that ultimately results in resignation of Bush and the end of our long national nightmare just in time for my birthday in February!

Happy, happy, happy followed by joy times three!

Blink.

There's just one problem...the part of Ford would be played by Cheney.

Oh Gawd!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Never fucking mind.

Logs off to start Jenna Bush must not be allowed to marry petition...

You say correction, I say recession…you say recession but I say depression…oh, let’s call this fucked up shit off!

The markets are tumbling from their artificial high and you would have thought someone cancelled Christmas this year.

Daaaaaaammmmmnnnn!

There may be stories about lead paint covered toys, trapped miners and genocidal car bombings in Iraq…but nothing inspires a sense of urgency in Americans like money, honey.

A bitch has always been annoyed with financial news. I can’t stand all the splitting of hair and unnecessary use of charts (wink). But what really turns me off is how the American economy is so often analyzed as if it is separate from the lives of Americans.

This correction/recession/depression is a reminder that the foundation of our economy is the people...and when the people lose their homes, can't pay their bills and can't find jobs the economy and markets will suffer.

Shit.

Scooter B. has been coasting on an economic policy pass for two motherfucking terms. Do you remember how those financial shows gorged themselves on that “ownership society” shit?

Blink.

Spend, spend and spend again…and never you mind that your credit is fucked and the bill’s got to come due eventually.

So here we are, with the markets gone to shit and industry soon to follow...and the President on vacation, both literally and figuratively.

And allow me to proactively address any defense of Scooter B. regarding this economic drama…he bathed in the economy when he thought it was public relations gold so his rancid lame duck ass is going to have to soak in it now that it’s been revealed to be liquid shit.

Pause...consider...gasp!

These markets better settle or this bitch is going to have to count pennies for vodka!

Brother can you spare some cran?

Political Hair...

This bitch was checking in with my LiveJournal people (love y'all like crushed ice on a hot summer day!!) when I stumbled upon a post linking to this fucked up shit.

My Afro is a corporate fashion don't?

Because a fashion editor from Glamour magazine said so?

Oh, hell no!

They also say that the diner orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally was embarrassing, so obviously they don't know shit.

Confession - a bitch doesn't read Glamour. I find that it doesn't speak to me, so my ass would have completely missed this shit if a certain LiveJournal diva hadn't picked it up from Jezebel.com.

My favorite bit was the connection between natural black hair and "political hairstyles".

I fucking love that!

Hell yes, my hair is political. But I can personally testify that straightening my hair back in the day only earned this bitch a sore scalp and an empty pocketbook (wince).

But hey, now I'll have something to dish about with the sistahs tomorrow night at the natural...make that "political"...hair shop.

A bitch plans to add a touch of color to my anti-corporate political statement after a trim and deep conditioning...

Harnessing the power of spontaneous combustion one playground debate at a time…

Some people really do declare themselves assholes when discussing immigration.

The temperature outside is at least 300 degrees and these motherfuckers want to debate which rich white man with immigrant ancestry is willing to crack down harder on people seeking an immigrant future.

Lawd, give me strength!

Romney and Giuliani are tossing “yo' momma” immigration disses back and forth and…fuck it, it really is too hot for this bullshit!

Shit.

Pause…consider …reflect…

Actually...come to think of it...the temperature might be just right.

Harnessing the power of spontaneous combustion one playground debate at a time...

Eureka y’all!

A bitch has decided that this immigration bullshit discussion and the spontaneously combusting school yard story broke on the same day for a reason!

That’s right!

Instead of tearing down all the spontaneously combusting playgrounds, we need to hold immigration debates on them…in the middle of the day…during a motherfucking heat advisory.

Each candidate will be handcuffed...ummm...err, make that "secured"... to a podium and the audience will be comprised of a diverse group representing the masses not the country club.

If someone proposes a viable solution-based reform they will be released.

If they propose bullshit followed by an indictment of the other candidate’s nanny’s paperwork then they will get to roast.

Literally.

Blink.

What?

This plan will maximizing efficiency while recycling those playgrounds most likely to erupt in flame (wink)!

As a matter of fact this proposal is rather "green"…up until the point the playground catches fire.

Love ya Albuquerque!

Last week this bitch went to Albuquerque and I adored it!

The mountains were captivating…the food was the very definition of yummified goodness…and the diversity of culture was fascinating. As a matter of fact this culture buff could spend a month in Albuquerque and not be satisfied!

Anyhoo, New Mexico impressed the hell out of me.

And my allergies disappeared too (wink)!

This bitch will definitely be going back…

Summertime and the livin’s sweaty…

Ugh.

A bitch feels like I’m literally wilting.

I discovered that the QuikTrip has crushed ice and I almost cried!

Lawd, have mercy.

Anyhoo…

Longtime readers know of my interest in the Today Show. Millions of Americans watch it and this bitch keeps tabs on anything sorta-news based that's consumed by a large percent of the masses.

Today this bitch gets to offer a smidge of praise.

Mmmhmm, I know…shocking (wink)!

But the Today Show has earned it by adding a fourth hour to their multi-hour program…

…and announcing that it will be hosted by Ann Curry, Natalie Morales and Hoda Kotb.

Three women of color in journalism getting an hour of the highest rated program on in the morning is worthy of acknowledgment.

And if they crank out some news this bitch may extend the holiest of bitch-based television honors…a season pass in my TiVo (gasp!)

We shall have to tune in and see what’s what.

Meanwhile, thank you Gawd for the blessing of crushed ice…

The Departure of Rove – A dream based exploration…

Last night this bitch tumbled into a fitful sleep and dreamed of devilment and deception within the dark halls of power…

The corridor was cold and damp…the air heavy with the tension of strategery gone wrong.

A bitch, clad in a fantabulous slick black leather body suit and matching boots complete with steel heels (oooh, la la…a bitch works it in dreamland), was in search of a certain neo-con mastermind who was missing from his cage area.

Cautiously…because even in my dreams this bitch can’t walk in heels (wink)…I navigated the tunnel beneath the White House in search of Karl Rove. And this bitch was pissed to have to go looking for his rancid ass because that motherfucker knew he was scheduled for a fierce session of correction featuring the Merciless Rod of pain-based encouragement.

Suddenly, Scooter B. (President Bush to the uninitiated) appears through a door. His eyes were red rimmed and his face blotchified. Curious, a bitch followed as he went a wee bit down the hall and opened a door. He entered and a bitch peered in through the opening to see a bedroom and Karl Rove, who was folding t-shirts into a suitcase.

“Don’t go!” Scooter B. begged. “Don’t leave me alone with these people!!”

“You need to stop, George. You knew the deal going in. I’d help you get elected and stay as long as I could use you…but your lame duck ass is worthless now.” Rove replied and, without looking at Scooter B., continued to pack.

“But, but, but…ugh! Where will you go? What will you do?” Scooter B. questioned.

Rove, his eyes dark with power, gazed toward the wall yet seemed to be seeing beyond into the future. Above ground thunder and lightening flashed angrily through the sky.

“I must hunt.” He said softly.

“It is time.”

A bitch jumped into the shadows as Rove closed his suitcase and exited stage right.

Scooter B. followed slowly sobbing softly as he closed the door.

“Stop right there, Scooter B.” a bitch demanded as I stepped from the shadows.

“Oh no! What do you want of me??” he cried and shrunk back against the wall.

“Well, your friend has decided to go elsewhere…thus you are now the head asshole in charge of all things fubar and administrative.” With a flick of my hand, this bitch transported us both to the Chamber of Correction.

“But I’m uncorrectable Mistress!” Scooter B. cried as he was secured into the four points of correction.

“Oh, I know. You’re a lost cause, son. But the moon is full…I’m all dressed up…and there’s nothing on television.” A bitch smiled. “Might as well make sure the rest of your term isn’t a total loss.”

With a flick of my wrist the Rod of Correction sliced through the air.

“Shall we?”

Consequence and sacrifice..

When President Bush took this nation into our current war I was still living in Texas.

I worked with several Bushies and we constantly debated his policies and his sanity (wink). This bitch watched the pre-war debates in Congress, the media and the presentation to the United Nations and I just wasn't convinced that preemptive war was required. Obviously my Bushified colleagues felt otherwise.

One day we were at lunch...a bitch was addicted to Herrarra's yummified sour cream burritos (sigh)...and the topic of war came up. America was marching towards Baghdad and CNN was in multi-orgasmic fully embedded bliss, so no one could understand why I was so worried.

Well, this bitch sat in a booth at Herrarra's with a mother of two sons (13 and 10) and the father of two boys and one girl (9, 7 and 3) and tried to explain my concern.

Even the best planned military exercise has unanticipated consequences...and this war was anything but carefully planned.

War isn't an action adventure show that airs in prime time for three years and then wraps up with a big gushified happy ending...war is death, destruction and chaos...and preemptive war is all of that with the additional burden of cause.

But none of these angles seemed to matter.

"Didn't you see our progress on CNN? Didn't you see?!? We're kicking ass! We're the best army in the world and this whole thing will be over before you know it. Bush is making the world safe for freedom and blah, blah followed by blah..."

I sat back and returned with the following.

"What if we're in this war for years? What are you prepared to sacrifice?"

They grumbled and rolled their eyes.

"Your sons?"

A face went pale then flushed red.

"Your sons and your daughter?"

A mouth tightened and nostrils flared.

"Well, I don't think it will go on that long but if it does my sons will have to make up their mind."

This bitch raised a brow.

But didn't you raise them to love their country? If a cause is so just that this nation should risk other mother's sons...why would you not encourage your son to take up arms?

"Well, this is all a hypothetical and I don't think it will come to that."

Sighing, I took out my wallet and stood to pay my bill.

When I read this news item I thought of that conversation and those chil'ren who are now young adults of draftable age.

I thought about how those pro-War parents never even considered the possibility that their sons wouldn't have a choice.

When some other mother's son becomes your son...well, that changes things doesn't it?

The draft has long been the consequence of "stay the course" and "see the mission through to victory".

But it still ends up being some other mother's son, doesn't it?

Oh, how easy it is to support a decision that only demands sacrifice from others.

Arctic showdown...

As you know Russia has claimed the Arctic by planting their flag old school style in the sea. Mmmhmmm, they said that the Arctic is and always has been Russia's property!

Oh, ummm...and that anything energy-based found there would also be Russian.

The flag planting claimification of the Arctic was a direct challenge to Canada and America...one that Canada appears to be prepared to meet with defiance.

Canada (a bitch's flee to country and the Land of Smartie-based joy) has vowed to defend the Arctic from invasion and conquest...and Russians.

Holy shit, that's the language of escalation (some people say "surge", but a bitch is allergic to bullshit)!

With all of the protests and trash talking flying around this bitch feels like I woke up in 1914!

I can see it as clear as the Arctic Sea used to be...Russia allied to Iran makes a land grab for the Arctic, Canada allied with America pledges to defend the ice-based territory...America steps into our role of arguing against appeasement...Europe splits into factions and before you know it all hell breaks out evolving into the Great Arctic Conflict to end all Arctic Conflicts.

And finally the Ice War comes to an end due to the unanticipated victory of the PolarGrizzly Bear Hybrid Insurgency who rallied to battle shouting "Bear Power" and "The Time has come to end human migration!"

Mercy!

Blink.

Fuck it...I'm with the bears...

So I lied...

As usual, a bitch is way early for my flight to Albuquerque.

Getting to the airport too early is just my way (wink). So, I decided to kill some time and catch up on the news...which resulted in my seeing this shit...which prompted my ass to post.

Sigh.

Elizabeth Edwards, wife of candidate John Edwards, is in the news for recent comments made to Ziff Davis Media. Specifically, she said "we can't make John black, we can't make him a woman" and "those things get you a certain amount of fundraising dollars".

Blink...close eyes and pray for patience...okay, continue.

This bitch has grown fond of Elizabeth Edwards for her keeping it real style...such as her calling out of The Queen of Rancidity, Ann Coulter. But, uh...hmmm.

The topic she was discussing was the role that the internet is playing in this pre-race race-like marathon to the White House. I must agree that the ability to reach voters through web based interaction has helped candidates unable to run expensive television spots.

And I'll agree that Clinton and Obama have been getting the media's attention because they are considered historically significant (though Clinton is not the first woman to run for the nomination of a major party nor is Obama the first black person to do the same).

Consider...reflect...continue.

Wouldn't it be amazing if the two things that used to guarantee a candidate would not be taken seriously turned into the things that get a candidate taken seriously?

Blink.

Can you imagine the response if being black made the difference in Presidential races? And wouldn't that just be some crazy assed shit? Fade cream would be replaced by over the counter blackness in a bottle pills in a heartbeat!

Mercy.

On the road again...

UPDATE - A bitch has arrived! Very pretty...and I adore the mountains too! Thanks for the food-based advice!

A bitch will be traveling to Albuquerque to attend the Equality Federation's Summer Thang, so bitchitude shall be delayed.

My flight will probably be delayed too (wince).

Sigh.

But I've never been to Albuquerque, so this bitch is looking forward to travel-based exploration!

Toodles for now...

By request - music and meaning...

By request for Ms. Monica...

Okay, so I love a good protest as much as the next bitch (wink)…but this one just doesn’t resonate with me.

Al Sharpton has launched the Decency Initiative to rid rap lyrics of “objectionable” language by encouraging divestment in the corporations that produce the objectionable music.

He has lined up 20 cities for a day of outrage.

Blink.

Oh, I’m outraged about a whole lot of shit going down in the city…but, ummm…I’m still not feeling this.

I agree that some words are offensive…but this bitch doesn’t dig the notion of banning language.


I like the sound of “Decency Initiative”, though.

Pause…consider…continue.

But it could use a more strategic purpose.

How about using the Decency Initiative to recruiting black adults as mentors? St. Louis programs are desperate for black mentors to participate in the lives of chil’ren and young adults…which may actually result in those youngsters not seeing each other as lesser than and not articulating the language of Southern trees and strange fruit.

Or….

How about using the Decency Initiative to foster a dialogue within the community about music? Oh, and kick it off with some respect instead of the current holier than thou pontification that landed this topic in the news but failed to inspire a constructive discussion of a damn thing except Al Sharpton and pension funds?

Or…

Why not use the Decency Initiative to provide food for the hungry…to provide clothes for the thousands of youth who will miss the first week of school because they don’t have a motherfucking uniform or to recruit more people of color to teach.

How about we put the bullhorn down, drive to the ‘hood and participate in the community as equals not prophets…with respect rather than a lecture…and with some motherfucking commitment rather than a ‘I’m here as long as the camera is on’ performance?

Blink.

Oh, I understand divestment just fine.

But wouldn’t the decent move be to divest in bullshit and invest some of that energy into empowering people?

After all, if we want the people to sing of joy we might want to give them some to sing about…

Happy birthday, C-Money...officially...

Yes, we’ve been celebrating for days…but today’s the day you were actually born.

My sister and my friend…oh Mistress of Realness and Advice (wink)…I thank God everyday for the gift of you.

Thank you for being my family.

I love you.

Happy birthday!

A nod of the afro...

This bitch just read a post that I had to share with y'all!

Mirror on America posted about NPRs Black Bloggers Roundtable (no, I wasn't invited...sob...but I'll be okay...sniff...) and a discussion broke out in the comments.

A lot of people have a lot of shit to say about black bloggers and what we cover. Some folks don't even realize we're out here (mercy). But my brothers and sisters are present on the web and that number groweth.

This post and the comments that follow are a great example of the realness, bitchitude, debate and perspective we can provide through blogging.

Go on with your bad selves, Mirror on America!

Quickly...

This bitch would like to thank everyone who came out to AMP on Saturday to celebrate my sister’s birthday and view our portrait Sisters with Afros.

We drank, we ate cupcakes…we conquered!

Thanks y’all.

Today this bitch spent a thoroughly enjoyable time guest blogging at Rude Pundit. The only thing better than bitching on someone else’s blog is bitching on your own.

Many thanks to the Rude One for the invitation.

Remembering Oliver Hill...

Oliver Hill died Sunday at the blessed age of 100.

In 1954 Hill participated in a series of cases that evolved into Brown v. Board of Education. When the dust of legal arguments settled, America was faced with the notion of integrated education. For the rest of his life, Oliver Hill witnessed this country wrestle with integration…battled against integration…dance around integration…and integrate by force, with soldiers lining the walkways leading to the doors of public schools.

Both of my parents attended segregated and then desegregated schools. They struggled to overcome years of inadequate education and the resentment that resulted from knowing their education was anything but equal.

I was raised knowing that many battles were waged on my behalf and feeling the responsibility that comes from being blessed with opportunities so many were denied.

So I pause today and remember Oliver Hill and those who battled with him so that I could go to school and get an education.

And I pray for the strength the continue their work, because this nation is still making a mess of the math...still comfortable with the policy of have and have not…still questioning education as a right…and still not making the grade.

Oliver Hill has passed on.

This legacy is ours…

Feeling Howard Beale-ish...

This bitch woke up feeling a wee bit Howard Beale-ish.

Blink.

No, I don’t plan to blow myself up on national television (wink)…but this bitch is tired as hell of this shit.

I understand the appeal of a word-based sorta- debate over a hypothetical nuclear response to a not yet real scenario. This bitch even understands that politicians running neck & neck in certain straw poll adoring states welcome random speculation that may inadvertently make them appear to have a fucking clue about all things national security based and diplomatic.

I get that…I really do.

But…cough…ENOUGH ALREADY!

Blink.

Could one of these candidates please, pretty please, talk about the shit that is already going on? Is it too much to ask for a candidate running during a war to focus on the war we are currently fucking up rather than engage in several rounds of bullshit over a war no one in their right mind wants to start?

Heaven to hell and back again, a bitch just wants take out the Merciless Rod of Correction and whoop some sense into y’all!

…didn’t I tell you (whack) ‘bout talking crazy (whack) when the whole motherfucking world is watching (whack) and they already think we’re crazy (whack)?...

Blink.

What?

Anyhoo…

Clearly they can’t guide themselves.

Mayhap I should assist?

America is at war. Rational people want it to end. Given the fact that our current President is living a delusion, it will likely end under the next President.

What the hell do you plan to do?

Cue sound of nighttime crickets.

Ahh.

Well, no wonder!

There’s been an outbreak of Bullshit complicated by a severe Original Thought deficiency.

Ouch. That’s got to itch like a motherfucker!

All y’all need to shut the fuck up for 24 hours…watch Thirteen Days followed by War Games…take two doses of Audacious Hope and a tablespoon of The Courage of Your Convictions and sleep this Bullshit off.

Gawd, I need a drink…

Sister’s With Afros C-Money’s Birthday Cupcake Gathering

Oooh, that sounds so uppity!

Anyhoo, in honor of my sister C-Money’s birthday (which is actually August 7) the faithful are invited to gather at AMP tomorrow ‘round 10pm.

Our portrait by the fantabulous Fern Taylor will be on display.

And this bitch is whipping up some cupcake-based yumminess too!

All are welcome.

The Sisters With Afros C-Money Cupcake Gathering
AMP on Manchester at Boyle
Saturday August 4, 2007
10 pm

Cupcakes available on a first come first eat basis…

Oh, Minneapolis...

Words can not express my emotions upon learning that the 35W Bridge collapsed last night in Minneapolis.

My prayers are with everyone touched by this tragedy.

I was born in Minneapolis and I live in a river city...merciful God, I can't even imagine what y'all are going through.

We are with you Minneapolis and do not hesitate to let us know what, if anything, we can do to help…

Socialize my name...

Sorry about the delay, y’all!

A bitch is beyond busy.

Jumping right in…

Mayor Giuliani has called universal healthcare “Socialist” and those who propose universal healthcare for all Americans “Socialists”.

Blink.

Mayhap someone’s advisors recommended a healthy dash of McCarthyism to spice up the ‘oh shit, I really don’t stand for anything’ Giuliani resume?

Sigh.

Anyhoo, Giuliani feels that Democratic plans would socialize medicine.

Is that automatically bad?

I don’t get it.

Blink.

Instead of having the government do something other than wage war with the fabillion trillion fantabillion dollars we the people bleed into it yearly Giuliani proposes…drum roll please!!...a $15,000 tax deduction so that families can buy private healthcare.

Blink.

My fellow Americans (wink), I can’t think of a better example of a politician completely out of touch with the country he lusts to lead …or a better example of how desperate those insurance lobbyists are to derail any attempt to address the huge corporate profit yet limited coverage reality of healthcare in America today.

First of all, Americans are not all a part of a family unit. Some of us are single. Too many of us are uninsured. How the fuck does that tax deduction help us?

Oh, wait!

He has no details for this magnificent defense against socialized medicine!

Of course!

Let me guess…a bitch should trust you on this, right?

Lawd, have mercy.

The average American family is drowning in debt. Wages have not increased but costs have. If you give the average American family a $15,000 tax deduction they’ll probably need that cash for pesky shit like food and credit card payments.

But wait!

A tax deduction like this wouldn’t translate into cash in our pockets, would it? Most likely Rudy will pull some sort of medical savings plan out of his narrow ass.

Well fuck it, the trick has always been to use language like "socialism" and avoid any question on the specifics.

Would someone please get this stupid motherfucker a copy of Sicko?!?

Private health insurance is as fucked up as private industry which is as fucked up as the fucked up from the floor up greedy motherfuckers that run it.

A $15,000 tax deduction will just find its way into the pocket of The Man, which is probably why Giuliani's advocating it on The Man's behalf.

Shit.

44.8 million Americans are without healthcare coverage.

9 million children are uninsured and that means they are at risk.

Medical debt is a top reason people file for bankruptcy.

I think its time to say that the experiment of private industry insuring the masses has failed here in America.

If the cure for that failure is socialized medicine then call this bitch a socialist and paint my Afro pink.