A bitch is busy as hell!

Bitchitude is on hold until tomorrow.

Toodles!

Proxy War 2.0...

Chil’ren, it is cold…too cold…nasty cold…wrong on all levels cold outside! A bitch opened the door and expected to see a polar bear frolicking in the back yard.

Mercy!

A bitch would jump right in but even the intellectual water is cold as a motherfucker…

Proxy War 2.0…
A certain Scooter B. was interviewed on my beloved NPR the other day and he decided to amplify his trash talking towards Iran by pledging to “respond firmly” should Iran keep doing what United States intelligence claims they are doing in Iraq.

Blink.

It seems that Iran is fighting a proxy war against the United States in Iraq.

Blink again.

Which was fascinating to Matt Lauer…Mere V…and this bitch, who watched the two of them be fascinated by this shit on the Today Show this morning.

By the way, Mere V. is growing on a bitch…she’s toned down the Couric-esque orangish-pink in favor of a warm faux tan that is less offensive to thy eye. Plus, she went off on Donald Trump the other day.

Nice.

Anyhoo, everyone was fascinated by the proxy war question and what that may mean for the United States and our ongoing presence in Iraq.

A bitch's thoughts on Proxy War 2.0...

Intelligence? Wherefore art thou intelligence?
A bitch isn’t trying to piss in anyone’s information collecting fortified Corn Flakes, but who discovered what when and where?

Cough.

See, a bitch was skeptical of the “discovered” evidence that “proved” all manner of connections based on the deep cover and still protected ramblings of a certain Curve Ball...and that shit was later revealed to be wrong, way wrong and pretty much all wrong.

So you can bet your happy ass that this bitch is predisposed to doubt the hell out of some paperwork that was left strewn about in an office occupied by a bunch of clearly identified and not hiding from anyone almost diplomats of Iranian origin…in Iraq…conveniently just in time to provide yet another justification for our involvement in the region and our possible escalation against Iran.

Pause.

So allow me to ask again…who discovered what when and where?

Curve Ball's cousin Pookie?

Ahem.

Same war, different proxy?
Didn't the United States engaged in a proxy war in the region in the 1980s?

Or am I'm confused?

Fuck!

Okay, Russia is friendly with Iran…Iran is friendly with the current head motherfuckers in charge in Iraq…and we’re the last kid picked for the kickball team.

This looks like the beginnings of the same war all over again with a different proxy to me.

Pause.

But this time around would we be fighting against the current head motherfuckers in charge in Iraq too? They do seem to be on rather good terms with Iran.

Would Russia be an ally or an enemy in Iran/Iraq Proxy War 2.0?

And if our diplomatic objective is to prevent war-based drama from spreading throughout the region, how does a proxy war assist or hinder that effort?

Pause again.

And what the fuck does "respond firmly" mean anyway?

Lawd, have mercy…

Weekend review and birthday wishes...

Lawd, a bitch was so busy that the weekend flew by like a dream.

Sigh.

I had board development meetings Friday, Saturday and Sunday…some non-related volunteer drama mixed in for spice…Ms. Sister Girl MacBook had to go to the Apple Store for a proper diagnosis of her 'what the fuck is wrong with her attitudinal computerized ass and why the hell won’t she turn the fuck on' problem…and then a bitch just had to attend Brother Rob Thurman’s birthday party Sunday.

Shit, I wouldn’t miss a Rob Thurman birthday celebration for anything…even if that party involved a trip far, far away and out yonder to South County (Lawd, a bitch had to take two highways...TWO!!), some reservation drama (give ‘em hell Joyce!)...and shell fish being tossed about the room like minified volley balls followed by liberal squirts of alcohol directly into the mouths of the skillful among us who captured said shell fish in their mouths.

And was that Brother Rob wearing a napkin-based crown of vegetable, steak and shrimp topped chop sticks?

Blink.

Fanfuckingtabulous!

May the faithful of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks extend birthday blessings and fantastical Sake-based joy to you, Brother Rob!

Toodles while a bitch recovers...

Well wishes to Molly Ivins!

A bitch is sending positivity and well wishes to the fantabulous Molly Ivins, who I just learned has been hospitalized in treatment for breast cancer.

Go on with your bad self, Ms. Ivins!

Ah, the trial begins.....

Happy Friday chil’ren!

This has been one long as hell week and this weekend looks like it’s going to be busy as hell too.

The bitness of being grown is exhausting as hell!

Moving forward with thoughts of political drama swimming through my mind…

This bitch is trying to catch up on all things “Scooter” Libby (damn him to hell and back for sharing a bitch’s nickname for the President…DAMN HIM!!!) and CIA Leak Trial based. I just adore a good conspiracy trial (wink) and Lawd knows this one is shaping out to be an absolute joy.

Some folks are feeling rather blah about the trial…mayhap they were hoping for a more high profile indictment (Cheney of the Duck Motherfucker Cheneys?)…and generally aren’t turned on by the trial of a former advisor to the Vice President on charges that he lied about the leaking of a CIA operative’s name to punish her husband ‘cause he told the truth about something The Man really, really followed by really wanted to lie about.

Blink.

This bitch advises folks to keep this trial in historical perspective. Third rate crimes have taken down powerful yet corrupt motherfuckers before.

Remember, these aren’t the smartest of people to begin with (wink).

Anyhoo…

Separate of the legal outcome, this trial is a rare glimpse into the nastified world that is the West Wing.

Cough.

We have Mr. Libby on trial for lying and obstruction of justice (ouch, did someone skip How to Avoid the Mistakes of Watergate Day at West Wing Camp?).

Mr. Cheney is about to be the called to testify (a bitch predicts he’ll think his subpoena is hogwash).

Mr. Fitzgerald striking immunity deals with alleged co-conspirators (Ari F., you ought to be ashamed of yourself!).

Accusations of a cover-up (please...oh, please tell me that this president bugged himself).

And allegations that the White House was prepared to sacrifice Mr. Libby to save the brain of the RNC (otherwise known as Mr. Rove).

Pause.

Heaven to hell and back again, why the fuck isn't this kind of quality programming running in prime time?

A dash of dream-based correction…

Last night this bitch exhausted my self attempting to spank the asshole out of a certain Scooter Bush.

Pause.

Blink

What?

Oh for the love of all that is dream-based and corrective…a bitch didn’t really spank him.

Lawd, don’t you think that would have made the sorta-news (wink)?

Okay, it has been a while since a bitch broke out the merciless rod of correction. Allow me to explain. From time to time a bitch enjoys dream-based correction. These dreams are just dreams and in no way reflect reality.
Cough.

Where was I?

Oh yes!

Last night…whilst this bitch slumbered...I indulged in a session of dream-based correction that involved my merciless rod of bitchitude making contact smartly with Scooter B.’s pale ass.

I descended from my bejeweled thrown and approached Scooter B. who was bound tightly to the four points of discipline.

“Do you know why you have been released from your cage and brought before me?” I asked.

“No Mistress! Surely I have not displeased you?!?” he gasped.

“Really?”

SMACK!

“Well I watched your State of the Union Speech.”

SMACK!

“Yes Mistress?” he replied, careful not to raise his gaze.

“And something important was missing…something very crucial and insulting in its absence.”

“What Mistress?”

SMACK!

“Well, there wasn’t any mention of the post hurricane rebuilding effort and the status of things in New Orleans or the Gulf Region in general…you sorry assed ignorant could give a shit waste of space and insult to leadership WORTHLESS THUG OF A SORTA-HUMAN!”

A bitch paused and considered the weight of the rod.

“Come to think of it, I don’t think you are correctable. You’re too far gone…rotten to the core…polluted beyond salvation.” A bitch sighed. “I think you should remain as you are so that the masses may witness your incompetence, lack of compassion, complete neglect of a domestic emergencies and general unworthiness. Mayhap my fellow Americans will choose better next time around if the stench of you lingers.”

This bitch returned to my thrown and cast Scooter B. back to the West Wing…then settled into the remainder of my dream, which involved Dick Cheney peeling grapes for a PFLAG meeting.

Sigh.

And then I woke up.

The State of the Union as Interpreted through the music of ABBA

Scooter B.’s Thoughts While Giving the State of the Union...as Interpreted through the music of ABBA The Winner Takes It All

Actual Transcript

Note – Yes, black people know about ABBA...for the love of all that is Swedish!

Ahem.

I don't wanna talk

About the things we've gone through (like my cowboy diplomacy and refusal to negotiate)

Though it's hurting me (more than you know...like a paper cut dipped in acid)
Now it's history

I've played all my cards (I’m no good at poker, but someone needs to take a gander at Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare)

And that's what you've done too

Nothing more to say

No more ace to play (okay…I know…it’s called a veto)

The winner takes it all

The loser standing small (and alone...so alone...sob)

Beside the victory

That's my destiny (Lawd, my legacy is tied to this shit!)

I was in your arms (well, actually the RNC Congress’s arms)Thinking I belonged there (never met a spending bill I didn’t like)I figured it made sense (fuck it, No Child Left Behind looked amazing on paper)

Building me a fence (ummm…I think of it as old school Immigration Reform)

Building me a home (ummm…in Iraq…with your money…’cause we’re gonna be there for a while)

Thinking I'd be strong there (I’m the Decider, damnit)

But I was a fool (huh?)

Playing by the rules (errr…the secret rules that Karl wrote down for me using small words and bullet points)

The gods may throw a dice (Why have you forsaken me, of Gawd of Second Terms?)

Their minds as cold as ice (give my Iraq Plan a chance…to fail…right after I leave office)

And someone way down here

Loses someone dear

The winner takes it all

The loser has to fall

It's simple and it's plain (unlike my Healthcare tax incentive plan)

Why should I complain

But tell me does she kiss (we come in peace...with guns)

Like I used to kiss you (you can have Saddam back…he's gone, gone...all they way gone)

Does it feel the same (it’s got to be better…right?)

When she calls your name (Condi!)

Somewhere deep inside

You must know I miss you (hating Iraq last year was way more funner…is that a word?...yeah, funner)

But what can I say

Rules must be obeyed (as long as the camera is on)

The judges will decide (Global warming of weather fluke?)

The likes of me abide

Spectators of the show (is it me or is the water rising?)

Always staying low (unlike gas prices)

The game is on again (make it stop, mother…MAKE IT STOP!)

A lover or a friend (Rove? Where for art thou Rove?)

A big thing or a small (can a brother get an energy plan?)

The winner takes it all (okay Iowa….three cheers for Ethanol)

I don't wanna talk (at all…ever…I’m already shipping troops)

If it makes you feel sad (like repeating historical mistakes over and over again)

And I understand (shit, I’m somber ain’t I?)

You've come to shake my hand ( do as I say not as I do)

I apologize (without specifically taking responsibility for anything)

If it makes you feel bad

Seeing me so tense

No self-confidence (cowboy diplomacy, my Yale ass!)

But you see

The winner takes it all (and if this ain’t winning what the hell is it then?)

And the chil’ren said fubar…

State of the Union List of Needed Things...

A bitch had the worst nightmare last night!

I dreamed that I was kidnapped by The Man and held rendition style in some secret bunker to make sure that I missed the State of the Union address tonight and would thus be unable to provide a timely re-cap!

Mercy.

I woke up and was pleased to see that my ass wasn’t in a secret bunker and had not missed Scooter B.’s address to the nation featuring his personal fiction of the current nature of all things American.

Whew!

Moving forward…

Most of y’all know that this bitch, being an activist citizen (wink), tries not to miss presidential addresses and speech-like events. The State of the Union is like the Super Bowl of presidential speech making, so you know that this bitch will be watching tonight and will provide a bitchitude analysis for y'all tomorrow!

But first a bitch has to prepare for the big event.

ABB’s Sharktastic State of the Union List of Needed Things

Munchables
Pre-address dinner shall be scored from Sweetie Pie’s on Manchester Ave…something smothered, something well seasoned, and something mac & cheese followed by something corn breadish.

Beverages
Grape Cran
Vodka (tonight we’ll be indulging in vodka produced by my beloved Swedes)
Water (it is a school night, for the love of all that’s holy)

Meds
Excedrin (Scooter B.’s speeches often result in vicious head-aches)
Claritin (a bitch is allergic to bullshit)
Eye drops (just in case I’m driven to tears…shit, a bitch can’t have puffy red eyes in the morning).

Materials
Note pad for note taking
Pen for note writing
Pen for tossing at television in disgust
TiVo…because a bitch doesn’t want to miss a moment of this shit.
Cell phone...’cause folks may need counseling post speech

Sigh.

That should do it.

Onward to the score card!

New way forward…way forward…
or any variation on the theme - 3 points
Al Qaeda - 2 points
Fight them there rather than here…or variations on that theme - 2 points
Nuclear in same sentence as Iran - 5 points
Provacative language as relates to Iran - 10 points
Terrorists when referring to insurgents - 2 points
War on terror when referring to Civil War - 3 points
Islamic Fascists…or variations on the theme - 4 points
Afghanistan in the same sentence as victory- 10 points
Afghanistan in the same sentence as "thriving heroin industry" - oh fuck it, what are the odds?
Axis of Evil (if he’s dumb enough to go there again) - 100 points

Madame Speaker - Priceless

That should do it!

Tune in Wednesday for a recap and point total…

Blog for Choice - Pro-Choice for Life...

Pro-choice for Life...

This bitch had a clarifying moment about choice at the NAPW Summit in Atlanta and I’d like to share it with you.

I was invited to the press breakfast and was blessed to be sitting at a table with some fired up and committed to the cause sisters. We had a great conversation about race, class and privilege…we probably got loud (wink)…but it was wonderful to sit down and hear different perspectives mingled in with shared ideas.

I had just stood up to go over and get my fan moment on with Jessica from Feministing when the sister to my right said… “When you get back let’s talk about sex.”

Blink.

Now there was no way in hell I was walking away from a comment like that…not even for a fan-based moment with the fantabulous Jessica from Feministing (wink)…so I sat down, fluffed my afro and said…

“Okay, let’s talk about sex.”

We did…specifically about the “Let’s Talk About Sex” National Conference taking place in Chicago (go Bears!) May 31, 2007 through June 3rd, 2007. SisterSong Women of Color Reproductive Health Collective wants people of color to talk about sex.

This bitch is going to go there today as I blog for choice.

Let’s talk about sex…about black women and our reproductive health. About how choice impacts the treatment of endometriosis, fibroids, breast cancer and other conditions black women are at risk for. Let’s discuss choice as it relates to access to basic healthcare for women…to our ability to choose treatments rather than have them forced on us…to our ability to empower our daughters rather than hand them over to a system that expects them to get pregnant…anticipates them getting an STD…and could give a damn if they die out as a result of inadequate care and government enforced ignorance.

Hear me on this, for a bitch is a witness to choice on a different level as it relates to me and mine…to sisters of color…and the poor.

So, let’s talk about sex…about “down there” and why some of my sisters can’t call it by name even after their child was born through it. About a government that spends millions to protect ignorance but scoffs at the idea of promoting knowledge. Women of color need to recognize...our fists should be raised in anger! Listen to what is being said…that women of color aren’t capable of making sound medical decisions…that knowing shit is dangerous for us…that we don’t value our reproductive future and that we are unfit to decide what the fuck that future should be.

Don’t come at me with rhetorical bullshit when actions have been speaking volumes in my community of St. Louis city for years.

When STD infections and unplanned teen pregnancies are more prevalent than stable employment and decent grocery stores in the hood.

When HIV/AIDS infection rates are rising for women of color and many don't even know their status.

When infertility treatments are being denied some while politicians pontificate about the sanctity of the lives of others.

When fearing a generation of AIDS orphans is no longer a third world only concern.

Is that about choice?

You bet your ass it is.

A bitch wants to talk about this until I loose my voice! I want to talk about sex…about our national fear of it…about our government’s attempts to control it by any means necessary…and about all that is wrapped up in reproductive justice.

All that is wrapped up in that simple word...choice.

We need to ask ourselves why they fear it…who benefits from attacking it…and who is getting taken down in the process.

We need to talk about sex and choice and then we need to get active.

Let’s protect and defend before defeat reminds us all of why Roe matters on so many levels to so many people for so many reasons.

I did…and I am…and I will.

No doubt a bitch is pro-family, pro-community, pro-sistah and pro-choice.

Why?

For life.

Don't you see?

For life.

Re-cap of more travel drama...

Lawd, have mercy on those of y’all who travel on a regular basis!

Whew.

Before I vent this bitch would like to show some love for my fellow bloggers who covered the NAPW Summit with me…Bitch Ph.D., BrownFemiPower, Pandagon and Gymno, Is There No Sin In It and A Bird and a Bottle.

Y’all are the shit and a bitch shall join you to Blog for Choice post travel rant!

Moving forward to vent about the travel-based bullshit this bitch caught whilst attempting to fly home from the NAPW Summit…

A bitch arrived at Atlanta’s massive airport-like complex with bags properly packed and papers in order (Lawd, my ass thought I was in Casablanca for a wee second). The plane was late, but a bitch wasn’t worried because I have a two hour layover in Milwaukee (fantabulous cheese to be scored at the airport there, by the way). Anyhoo, the plane finally arrived and this bitch prepared to board.

Oh but wait…hold on…Delta has overbooked the flight! Mercy, what evah will they do? Why, they’ll make an announcement promising Delta rewards (as if) and hotel vouchers (fuck that, a bitch has a sorta-beagle waiting at home) and all manner of “please allow us to bump you because we overbook every fucking flight out of Atlanta like it’s a commandment from a wrathful travel Gawd”.

Now keep in mind that the plane was already late…and was only made later while the gate attendant begged someone to give up their seat because airlines can get away with the kind of shit other bitnesses can’t…like falsely advertising that they have a produce (the fucking seat) when they are already out of it. This begging went on and on and was joined by other gate-based begging because…well, over-booking is a commandment from the Delta travel Gawd.

Blink.

Finally the chorus of begging stopped…the begged for people stepped up and the travel Gawd was pleased with the quality of the sacrifice thus the masses were allowed to board!

The flight was uneventful…a bitch caught a nap…and then woke up, checked my watch and realized that we were really pushing it for me to make my connection.

Mercy…but what can you do? This bitch isn’t one to fuss about the unavoidable…even though most of the delay would have been avoidable if Delta were such a greedy little shit.

We landed at 6:50 pm…my plane was scheduled to take off at 7:05 pm just two gates down…we deplaned at 7pm…and the gate was closed, though the plane to St. Louis was still there to mock a bitch.

And I mean CLOSED…not a soul in sight…no gate attendants to be found…SHUT THE FUCK DOWN.

A bitch was calling C-Money to have her check on available flights when a rancid heifer from the dark belly of hell (an American Airlines gate attendant) came forth with.

“You missed your flight!”

Oh no she didn’t?!

A bitch looked at her like she had lost her motherfucking mind and replied… “Because Delta’s greedy ass overbooked and we were delayed and…look, is there another flight?” And she…listen to this shit…she waved her and at me and said that I had to go over to Delta and have them take care of it. Oh, yes! I ain’t lying! Heifer didn’t even lift her eyes to address me like the paying motherfucking customer I am!

Lawd, a bitch was hot… “Thanks for nothing!” I sang as I hobbled back to Delta. The gate keeper there was decent…she hooked a bitch up with a 5:40 am flight in the morning.

Fuck it all to hell and back!

This bitch spent a shitty night in Milwaukee (great town, but raw circumstances) and arrived at the airport at 3:40 am…since the airlines clearly will fuck you over if you’re late and my ass wanted to get the fuck home. I went to American Airlines and approached the ticket counter when it opened at 4 am only to be greeted with…

“What am I supposed to do with that?”

…when I produced my Delta originated paper voucher thing.

“Is there a problem?” I replied.

“Just give it to me and I’ll call Delta. You wouldn’t understand.” She tossed back.

Pause.

Blink.

Hit play.

A bitch offered in return…“Ms., I’ve already been fucked over and treated like shit by two airlines, so you don’t have to help them reach their quote of inadequate customer service this morning. Why don’t you tell me what the problem is and we can move on from there?”

She told me, after she regained her composure, that I needed a ticket rather than an itinerary. How hard is that shit to understand?

Heifer!

I headed over to the Delta counter to get the paper ticket I should have been given last night…where no one was there…and no one showed up...ever. Finally, I called the 1-800 number, where they confused me with some other Gold Member status woman named AngryBlackBitch and put me through to the phone service the better people get.

Trust that I told them I have never been so frustrated in my life…Delta is on crack and I’m glad they can’t make a profit…and this bitch is not at all satisfied.

Lawd!

Top it off with this bitch being selected for a full pat down high risk security search because of the one way ticket forced on me by The Man’s ineptitude!

Fuck it…fuck it….mother fuck it.

Sigh.

At least a bitch got a breast exam out of the experience…

Thank you!

A bitch has tons of material and will keep posting on topics, but I wanted to take a moment to thank the National Advocates for Pregnant Women for the opportunity to attend this summit and for the fantabulous work they do.

For more information about NAPW visit their web site.

To support NAPW and the work they do check this out.

Thanks so much!

Thoughts inspired by debates...

Jumping right on in because this bitch still has Sunday sessions to attend...

I have been fascinated by the debates that have gone down here at the NAPW Summit over vaginal birth versus c-section, midwives versus OBGYN and hospital births versus home births.

Basically, folks are debating the definition of what a "normal birth" is. The one thing everyone seems to agree on is that birth is normal.

I'm not a mother and the mothers I know have chosen variations on each theme...some did the midwife thing and others did the hospital thing (vaginal or c-section) and most had positive experiences. I was troubled to listen to stories about how the state stepped in and told women that they had to have a c-section because they had one previously, violated civil rights unnecessarily and interfered with medical decisions. But do those wrongs make the entire notion of hospital birth wrong? Isn't that absolute reversal just as dictatorial towards women?

I've never been one to see princess to pauper as more liberating than prince to pauper...y'all know a bitch isn't fond of absolute statements (wink).

But having attended several sessions that broke out into heated debates between midwives, OBGYNs...oh, and the doulas too...my mind was whirling!

I thought of the women at the shelter I volunteer at and how they might absorb these messages. Most had hospital births (with the exception of the one car-based birth, the relating of which got my nerves so fried I might as well have been there). How would these women receive this debate over normal birth?

How would they feel if told that an experience they value as mothers was viewed as less than...wrong...damaging? Keep in mind that several of these mothers chose their future profession as nurses because their experience at hospital was so positive and nurturing.

Wanting to hear more from the medical doctor side of the debate, I sought out Annie Lyerly, MD, MA, Assistant Professor, Obstetrics and Gynecology Faculty Associate Center for the Study of Medical Ethics and Humanities, Duke University. She was seated at the next table!

Fantabulous.

Annie explained that what mattered most was how people felt about their birth. What constituted a "good birth" should be understood from the mother's experience. Annie Lyerly was upbeat and surprisingly positive. She explained that the issue was complex but easily understood when everyone, regardless of their personal opinion, took the time to listen to women.

If women want a hospital then listen to and honor that.

If women want home birth with a midwife and doula we should also value and honor that.

We need to remain focused on women and understand that we can't explore the risk factors of birth outside of what women say they value.

Thank you Annie Lyerly!

The best advocates for anything are passionate people. I can confess to getting riled up on a topic now and then my own self (wink). Regret comes from realizing that I'm speaking over and not for the very people I wish to advocate for...from talking at and not talking with...from waiting for someone to finish talking rather than listening.

We all need to listen to women, find out what we value and develop policy that empowers those things.

More too come...

Thoughts inspired by sessions...

A bitch has been attending NAPW Summit sessions like crazy!

There's a lot to cover and this bitch is taking tons of notes.

Several of the sessions have touched on the issue of reproduction as a privilege attained through class. Some women are seen as "legitimate reproducers" while other women are seen as having no business even considering childbirth much less moving forward with it. Those women who are seen as not being legitimate producers may be poor, women of color, lesbian or immigrants...but they are often not supported in their quest for motherhood or in their role as mothers.

Women who are not valued experience that quest differently...as illustrated through the challenge of involuntary childlessness. They often do not have access to fertility treatments since the growth of the fertility industry has been towards those legitimate producers...and certain medical treatments have been so defined as "fertility only" that women seeking treatment for other reasons are denied coverage.

This bitch experienced a bit of that myself whilst seeking treatment for fibroids. I wasn't trying to get pregnant (gasp). I just wanted to murder my fibroid Enid (that evil heifer) by removing her and hers from my uterus and get back to the bitness of living. However, my treatment was classified as a fertility treatment and my insurance company felt strongly that the only reason a woman wanted to address fibroids was to pursue pregnancy. Clearly the company manual neglected to mention the pain, constant bleeding and general drama associated with fibroids... y'all can trust that bitch brought those assholes up to speed (wink).

Anyhoo, I know that I was blessed to have insurance and I shudder to think of the women who face fibroids without it...who are often given the choice of pain or hysterectomy...and who rarely find funding sources for the kind of medical treatment this society has reserved for those legitimate producers on the cover of glossy magazines who are deemed worthy of pregnancy.

As I pondered the issue of who is and who isn't seen as a legitimate producer a bitch was conflicted. I am a volunteer in St. Louis and I work with young women who are homeless and either pregnant or new mothers. Motherhood is challenging...chil'ren cost money...and some of that legitimate shit is based on that. For example, I teach classes from the perspective that planned parenthood is empowered parenthood. No, unplanned pregnancy isn't the end of the world and unempowering (is that even a word?)....but black women who have chil'ren young and before they graduate high school face challenges because the same society that does not see them as legitimate producers does sees the denial of support as a punishment for having the audacity to argue the point.

The question for me as a volunteer on the ground and in the trenches is how to empower motherhood while encouraging sound planned decisions that benefit both mother and child? I'm talking about the world that is not the world we would like to build...the world that defines struggle as punishment and being poor as the wages of sin.

Sigh.

Yeah, these NAPW sessions sure know how to challenge a bitch to think outside of my box...BIG TIME (wink).

Thank Gawd they aren't leaving this bitch hanging!

One of the same sessions that explored the empowerment question also brought about an experience that demonstrated a possibility for addressing it.

Nicole Banton, a Ph. D. candidate at GSU, sat on the Feminist Sociologists Pulling the Strands of Their Lives and Work Together session I attended. She is a filmmaker and writer who is exploring the social factors that impact African American women's infant feeding choices, as well as how these choices impact their lives.

Nicole showed a film she is working on that documents black mothers and their breastfeeding experiences. Black women are less likely to breastfeed than other women. The film was excellent and I have Ms. Banton's contact information so I can score a copy for my classes once it is done...fantabulous!

Through the session I learned that inadequate health care, cultural insensitivity and family history play a role in why black women are less likely to breastfeed. Women of color shared their stories and the session went on and on as attendees shared strategies and advice.

As I went over my notes late last night I came to the conclusion that motherhood being a right doesn't mean planned parenthood is off the table...and that we can all learn a lot from listening to women rather than talking at them.

Good stuff!

More to come...

Preparing the pallet...

A bitch looks at learning opportunities the same way I look at a plate of smothered soul food goodness...with anticipation and joy. I knew that this was going to be one hell of an intellectual meal when I read the session titles...and when a certain Matrice (did a bitch spell that right?) of NAPW fame greeted me with a warm hug and smile (wink).

Preparing the pallet...
Lynn Paltrow, JD, Executive Director of National Advocates for Pregnant Women (NAPW) gave the opening keynote address to begin the summit this morning.

What a bitch took away from the keynote address...
As an volunteer and activist I have personally experienced the transformation of thought that often comes from applying theory. What we once were so sure as shit about we apply to a real situation and then are forced to adjust...only to become sure as shit about the adjusted theoretical certainty until the next opportunity to apply comes about.

Whew!

There are important questions being asked here. What is the role of law and what role is it currently playing in the lives of pregnant and birthing women? Who is considered a legitimate producer and who is not? What is the role of the individual as opposed to the law? If we advocate for pregnant and birthing women do we in some way "take away" from working women?

Are we really at cross purposes...pro-choice and life, working women and stay at home mothers, affluently educated and the working poor or those that have and those who have not...or do we have a common path yet discovered? Does that common path head towards mutual empowerment or more inequality?

I hope to explore these and the many other questions being asked here in Atlanta over the next several days.

However, I come here carrying the belief that there is a disconnect between public policy and the law and between what actually empowers and protects people...a disconnect that is clearly seen in the lives of pregnant and birthing women.

As a shelter volunteer, I have come to know women who have endured substandard housing because they fear what the system might do if they report that their house is unsafe...and a bitch has met women who have experienced the vengeance of the system towards teen mothers without housing.

I know women who did not seek treatment for substance abuse problems because they feared a system that is quick to take your child away and slow to fund treatment programs...women who have not reported violence because they know the system as weak and aren't willing to risk the backhanded slap they know for the potential safety they can only speculate about.

Public policy can not benefit the public if it fails to benefit women and children...shit, it can't even be termed public policy if huge portions of the public are marginalized by it. To address that flaw we must dive into the muck and influence policy makers.

So, we are gathered here to discuss and debate how to move forward...how to work together to advance the health and human rights of pregnant and birthing women.

In advancing the rights of one you advance the rights of many.

More to come...

Travel-based drama and the modern bitch...

Lawd have mercy!

A bitch has encountered all manner off travel-based drama! Fret not, it has already been worth it...but bitch has clearly offended the technology gods BIG TIME!

Yesterday my ass arrived at Lambert St. Louis airport and promptly checked my bags. This bitch travels with a lot of product...and a bitch is broke...so there was no way in hell I was going to have some security person toss out my hair lotion and have me looking tore up for three days in Atlanta (wink).

My ticket took me to Atlanta via Milwaukee where I switched from American Airlines to Delta. Everything went fine...I caught some serious sleep in flight...and then we landed.

Atlanta has the largest airport a bitch has ever had the misfortune of hiking through! And no, this bitch is not airport ignorant. I've been to London and Paris. Shit, I lived in Dallas and DFW is big as hell!

No, there was something evil about the largeness of Atlanta's airport...wicked and torturous. A bitch road the airport subway to the terminal...hiked several miles to the Delta luggage area...and was told that my bags were at American. Illogical but in the way of airline illogic, so a bitch hiked over to American...only to be told that the bags were at Delta.

Pause.

Lawd, please give the extra strength a bitch needs to travel in my new nicotine free
world....please grant me the strength to not go off old school on this woman who isn't even the woman who told my ass that my bag was where is really had no bitness being, which is why it wasn't there.

Hit play.

Having not gone off but desperate for a cigarette in the worst way (no, I didn't...but I'm bitter as hell)...a bitch finally found my bag and took the shuttle to the hotel.

We're staying at the Hilton and this bitch is trying not tho be quizzical about whether I'm somehow funding Paris Hilton's lame as hell attempt at a bohemian revival...makes a bitch want to slap some personality into her, but my ass is attempting non-violence in 2007.

Anyhoo...

I checked in...grabbed a grape soda...headed too my room and began to unpack. Since I'm at the NAPW on a bloggership, I unpacked Ms. Sister Girl MacBook and plugged her ass in.

Nothing.

Just a gray screen with a working wheel and a darker gray apple icon mocking me.

Fuck.

Fuck it all the hell and back on the red eye!

Sigh.

Needless to say a bitch is now working off of a borrowed iBook G4 (thank you to the fantabulous Tiloma...a bitch adores you like ice tea in the summer)...and a trip to the Apple Store is planned for Monday.

Oh well, such is life.

Shit, I managed to not fall off the nicotine wagon in the face of travel drama.

That's got to be a good thing.

Now onward to the NAPW Summit...borrowed iBook G4 (newly re-named Ms. Sister Girl iBook) on lap!

Traveling...

A bitch is traveling to Atlanta, so bitchitude shall be delayed.

Toodles for now...

Clearing shit up once more...

Every now and then a bitch gets an e-mail either confronting me about my blackness or politely questioning whether this bitch is indeed a black woman.

For example, a certain someone sent a bitch a rather nice e-mail asking to confirm. He was confused because the Riverfront Times profiled my blog and mentioned Brother Rob Thurman as a contributor...which he was kind enough to be for a week way back in the day whilst a bitch got my vacation on.

For the record, Brother Rob is not a bitch and a bitch is not Brother Rob...though Brother Rob is a bitch's Blog Father.

A bitch is black…well, actually I’m more of a warm Hershey brown color (wink)…and has been since birth.

I am a woman.

I’m not always angry, but something pisses me off at least once a day which is a good thing since a bitch doesn’t have time to fret about content for this blog space.

Ahem.

No, Brother Rob Thurman is not playing the part of an AngryBlackBitch on-line. Lawd, y’all think that man is clever as hell…which he is…but St. Louis is a rather small town and even Brother Rob couldn’t have pulled that shit off for more than a month…two months max.

C-Money is a real person...unless this existence is an altered reality and everything that is isn’t and that isn’t…well, is…ugh.

Fuck it all, now my afro hurts!

My older brother Bill really is autistic, although a bitch suspected him of faking it for years when we were kids.

What?

Shit, he never got in trouble for anything! Who can blame the 6 year old me for seeing it as a hustle?

Pause.

Betsey the sorta-beagle is a true to life sorta-beagle.

My Play Husband is not Brother Rob, but his own Play Spouse self. Mercy, y’all have Brother Rob involved in all sorts of mischief!

Ummm, no that wasn’t me at City Diner last week…must have been some other angry sistah with a fantabulous afro.

And no, a bitch isn’t on the payroll of a political party or candidate.

Gawd save me from the conspiracy theories of others!

Sigh.

That should cover the e-mails my ass has received so far this year.

Additional visual confirmation of a bitch’s blackness will be available at the NAPW Summit in Atlanta tomorrow through Sunday...

Like sheep...

Okay, so a bitch woke up sluggish as hell this morning. My ass hasn’t been sleeping well, so things were moving as if through molasses.

Dawgs were let outside to…well, to do what dawgs do when they are let outside to do it (wink). Coffee was prepared and a bitch settled in to find out what went on whilst my ass was sorta-sleeping.

Condi’s traveling…the Golden Globes were golden…Saudi Arabia is threatening to step into some province if the United States new plan fails to stabilize…and political junkies are all speculating over what Dobson’s rebuke of McCain will mean for McCain’s potential presidential bid in 2008.

Sigh.

A bitch poured my second of coffee and clicked over to CNN…the most trusted name in news…and was enjoying my second cup of coffee when Miles of the NASA adoring O’Briens segued to Soledad of the not related to Miles O’Briens…who was in Kirkwood Missouri…standing outside of the apartment complex where two teenage boys were rescued last week.

What the fuck?

Soledad was freezing her ass off…trust me, it is cold as a nightmare outside right now…and interviewing a woman about what parents should tell their chil’ren to protect them from abduction.

A bitch still hasn’t figured out what the fuck about that interview required Soledad to be outside in front of that apartment building in Kirkwood.

Then she chatted with the police officers who initiated the rescue…outside in the unforgiving cold…in front of that apartment building. Jesus to Gawd, don’t those men deserve a warm room? Take them inside and buy them a cup of coffee, for the love of all that is holy!

Finally I couldn’t stand seeing Soledad freeze live on television any longer…looked like she was suffering from exposure to a bitch…so I clicked over to NBC only to see Meredith V. interviewing one of the rescued teens and his family!

Which resulted in this bitch snorting coffee all over my beloved AngryBlackBitch long-sleeved tee.

Fuck it all!

A bitch attempted to watch Good Morning America only to see them fuss about how Oprah scooped them on the other potential exclusive kidnapped but now rescued teen interview.

Now it looks as if Anderson Cooper (we’re not close, but a bitch loves him like family) will be keeping them honest from Kirkwood tonight!

Lawd, have mercy.

Blink as realization hits.

CNN has embedded their top talent in Kirkwood fucking Missouri.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph…the invasion has just begun…

Pondering nuclear empowerment...

Over the weekend C-Money and a bitch watched Chisholm ’72 – Unbought and Unbossed. The late Congresswoman’s 1972 run for the Presidency is chronicled in this fantabulous documentary that NetFlix was kind enough to deposit in my mail (wink).

I knew about Shirley Chisholm’s historic election as the first black woman to Congress in 1968, but I have always wondered about her later run…in 1972…for President of the United States of America.

Shirley Chisholm was an educator and an activist…a politician and a trailblazer…but what has always fascinated me was the reaction the establishment had to her.

The "not now"s that were so quickly followed by the "even if the time is right it sure as shit isn’t your time’s.

Politics is often personal as a motherfucker and Ms. Chisholm encountered many a back stabbing asshole in her lifetime.

It was the attacks…those dismissive responses from some of the black men she served with in Congress…the smug amusement from the anointed heirs to the Democratic thrown…those attacks that forced the personal to collide with the political in the form of Chisholm ’72.

Candidate Chisholm gave us this…

“But in the event I'm not able to achieve said nomination, I want to be in a position where all of those forces in America that have never had any real input into who is going to be the chief exec of this land will have me as their instrument. Namely blacks, women, young, Spanish-speaking peoples. And therefore in the most beautiful possible, bloodless revolution at the DNC we can get together a ticket that is reflective of all different segments that make up this great land called America."

Her candidacy resulted in 152 delegate votes at the Democratic National Convention.

I’ve often thought that her loss was our loss.

Anyhoo…

You may ask why a bitch is thinking of Shirley Chisholm on the day set aside to honor Dr. Martin Luther King’s birth. I guess I just felt like exploring some of those folks who inherited the legacy and ran with it.

Pause.

See, I do not celebrate Dr. King’s birthday and legacy by exploring the fantastical sacrifice and achievement of an uncommon man. I see that as insulting to Dr. King and to the burden of activism he carried with him until his murder.

This bitch celebrates the power of the individual…the nuclear potential present when the personal meets the political…the ability with each and every one of us to get up, get active and keep it real as hell.

Dr. King and the many faceless activists of the Civil Rights Movement marched for the rights of citizenship in spite of the way things were…in the face of the strict interpretation of the Constitution in place at the time…and in the face of great ignorance and unchecked hatred.

So today a bitch celebrates the legacy as it lived in Sister Chisholm, who ran for office “in spite of hopeless odds”…who was “the first” all over the place…and who paved the way so that a real consideration of a person of color and/or woman as President could take place today.

Unbought, unbossed and undaunted.

That’s empowerment on a nuclear level…

Do you believe in miracles?

Well, we certainly had a weekend to remember in Missouri!

A bitch is still trying to process that two teens were being held by a kidnapper in Kirkwood, which is a suburb of St. Louis. The story of their rescue has to be one of the most emotional local stories I’ve ever witnessed.

Fantabulous doesn’t come close to describing it!

I sincerely hope that both families are granted the privacy and distance they deserve as they reunite.

Mercy.

Five things you may not know...

Lawd, a bitch has been tagged by a certain Devin.

Five things you may not know about a bitch…
1. I am technologically challenged. Ms Sister Girl MAC Book and this bitch get along mostly because I demand very little of her.

2. I don’t order food over the phone for delivery. It’s just a thing…a weird quirk. I’ll eat food that has been delivered…I’ll even pay for it if my ass is flush, but a bitch won’t place that call.

3. A bitch really can't stand public restrooms…or nasty restrooms…or those portable potty things (ugh). If forced I will deal, but I have a bathroom thing.

4. This bitch doesn’t like things blended into my ice-cream. I am an ice-cream purist with the exception of caramel, that marshmallow yumminess and brownies.

5. A bitch longs to be in a John Waters movie. Shit, I don’t want to be famous. I just want to be able to put that shit on my resume!

John...ummm, errr...Mr. Waters?

Call a bitch (wink) 'cause I can be in Baltimore in 3 hours!

Be tagged if you feel tagged.

Toodles…

Weather-based drama...

Nastified weather is coming our way!

A bitch is fretting, because St. Louis doesn't handle this shit very well.

Shit!

Anyhoo, be safe...

Pondering Scooter B.'s plan...

Happy Friday, chil’ren!

Let’s jump right on in.

A bitch is a recovering avoider and, as such, can spot a fellow avoider with one eye closed. Avoidance comes in many flavors…conflict, drama, confrontation, arguments, bills, sex, food, work…all that shit. But all avoidance shares a root motivation of not wanting to face the consequences of a thing.

I used to avoid confrontations …my motivation was that I didn’t want to face the consequences of that shit, those being arguments and/or moody assed people. My recovery began when I realized that my avoidance didn’t prevent the arguments or the moody assed people.

Anyhoo…

A bitch spotted some serious avoidance hidden deep within the bullshit that is Scooter B.’s revised Iraq War plan.

What the fuck do we want to accomplish? It used to be nation building, but this revised plan makes my afro hurt because it reads as if a nation has already been built. Saying Iraq is a nation doesn’t make Iraq a nation. And too much of this plan is built on the assumption that Iraq is a nation because we want it to already be a nation.

What the fuck should be accomplished? We’ve invaded and occupied, de-Ba’athified and executed…yet, we can’t seem to nail down what should be done.

And Scooter B is clearly avoiding the question of whether what should be done can be done militarily.

It occurred to me that the answer may be found within the avoidance. Who is avoiding what and based on what motivation? Scooter B. is the avoider…an examination of his past demonstrates that he avoids owning failure…his motivation is that he dislikes the consequences of failure.

Pause.

Scooter B.’s plan is all but screaming that his administration doesn’t intend to go for victory…whatever that may be...and that is why the plan doesn’t lead there. No politics on the table, because he could give a shit about the political outcome. Scooter just wants this war over and no longer talked about. Nor does the plan lead to long term stability. He just wants it stable long enough to allow for an exit and the plausable deniability of failure. That's been set up by the nifty addition that our continued support is contingent upon the ability of the Iraqi government to achieve what it has no wish to achieve nor the ability to achieve should it want to achieve it.

But if the goal is American withdrawal without consequences that is an impossible goal.

Someone somewhere is going to face the consequences of this war and withdrawal contingent upon not facing consequences equals prolonged drama...followed by those motherfucking consequences anyway.

Which brings a bitch back to that avoidance thang. I have learned a lot in my avoidance recovery (wink) but one thing stands out…avoiding confrontation never prevented the drama I was avoiding confrontation to prevent.

War overfloweth with consequences and there is no avoiding them…

Re-cap in song...

Shall we?

A bitch’s re-cap of Scooter B.’s Address to the Masses - The Knave and his music…

8 o’clock in the evening…a hush descended over the Bitch Squad living area. All eyes turned to the television set to see Scooter B. at a podium. After an awkward as hell cue (someone didn’t anticipate the intensity of the countdown to live television) Scooter B. took the stage.

And I am telling you

I'm not going!

You're the only war I've ever known.

There's no way I can ever go,

No, no, no, no way,

No, no, no, no way

I'm facing my legacy having lost you.

I'm not governing without you.

Don't you want to be free?

I'm stayin',

I'm stayin',

And you, and you, you're gonna stabilize your asses for me!

Ooh, you're stabilizing for me!

And I am telling you

We’re not going,

Even though the rough times are showing.

There's just no way, There's no way.

We're part of the same war on terror

We're part of the same flawed policy implementation

We both share the same ramifications

We both have the same low approval ratings

And time and time we have so much to loose

No, no, no,

No, no, no,

I'm not wakin' up tomorrow mornin'

And findin' that there's no viable democracy standing as a shining example in the region.

Iraq, there's no way,

No, no, no, no way I'm going to loose you.

I'm not going to loose you

You see, there's just no way,

There's no way.

Tear down the infrastructure

Yell, scream and shout.

You can say what you want,

We’re not walkin' out.

Stop all the oil revenues

Push, strike, and kill.

I'm not gonna leave you,

There's no way I will.

And I am telling you

I'm not going.

You're the only war I’ve ever known

There's no way I can ever, ever go,

No, no, no, no way,

No, no, no, no way I'm going to loose you

Oh, I'm not going to loose you.

We’re not going to loose you.

Here’s an increase in troops

I'm stayin',

I'm stayin',

And you, and you,

You're gonna embrace freedom!

Oh, hey, you're gonna embrace democracy!

Yes, ah, ooh, ooh, chill the fuck out

Ooh, ooh, ooh, stabilize motherfukers!!

Lawd, my legacy!

Oh Gawd, my legacy!

For the sake of my legacy!

Y’all are going to pull your shit together for meeeeeeeeeeeee!

And the church said fubar…

Pre-address preparedness…

First, a confession…
Something deeply personal and emotional has been weighing on my soul…plaguing a bitch with regret...and a bitch just can’t stand it one more second!

Pause.

Take deep breath…exhale…and jump in.

A bitch fell off the non-smoking wagon over the holidays.

Sob!

But my ass is back on it now…double sob followed by sniffle...and nicotine free once more.

Whew.

Public confession is a beating and a half. A bitch doesn’t know how you Catholics handle that shit on a regular basis!

Moving forward one day at a time…

This bitch is double checking my Presidential Address to the Nation list of needed things!

But first a bitch needs to get a handle on the pre-address spin.

The morning chat show spinage – The President is in Education and Explanation mode, so anticipate Professor Bush tonight.


ABB’s analysis of this shit- a bitch thinks Scooter B. is still in The Decider mode. Mmhmmm, more along the lines of “Son, all I've ever asked of my Marines is that they obey my orders as they would the word of God.” mode. But we shall see.

CNN is providing Dan Bartlett with a safe space to spin, which has resulted in this pre-address article-esque offering of what will be said tonight.

Lawd, a bitch hasn’t see Danny B. since the mid-terms.


This shit must be serious as hell!

Since that is about all the spin a bitch can tolerate, let us journey onward to the list of needed things!

ABB’s Presidential Address List of Needed Things…

Beverages…
Vodka
Cran
Ummm.
Water?
Pause.
Yeah, a bitch had best drink some water…it is a school night!

Materials…
Remote control
Notepad for note taking
Ms. Sister Girl Mac Book
Calculator for calculating costs and double checking Scooter B.’s math.

Loyal pet to soothe frayed nerves…
Betsey the sorta-beagle – to be positioned on couch within easy reach.
Dawg snacks for Bestey the sorta-beagle to keep her on the couch within easy reach (wink).

Pause.

Well, I suppose that will do. Shit, it’s not as if Scooter B.’s speeches last more than 30 minutes!

And finally…

The Rules of the Game...
What?

Oh, come on!

Y’all don’t turn Scooter B. speeches into drinking games?

I call bullshit on you!

Ahem.



For ever utterance of...
New way forward = 2 points and 1 healthy gulp of vodka cran

Admission that more troops should have been sent earlier = 6 points followed by one shot for a bitch and one for my homies
New course = 2 points and 1 healthy gulp of vodka cran
Political reconciliation = 2 points and 1 healthy gulp vodka cran followed by a cuddle with soothing sorta-beagle
Sectarian violence = 4 points and 1 shot vodka
War on terror = 4 points and 1 shot vodka (Lawd, how the hell do you fight a war against an emotion?)
Evil doers = 6 points A bitch isn’t expecting this one, but if he drops it we’ll have to give that 2 shots vodka followed by another cuddle with Betsey the soothing sorta-beagle

Buckle up chil’ren, Scooter B. wants to chat with us at 8 o’clock bitch standard time…

Oversight is an everyday food...

Whew!

Sorry chil’ren, but a bitch got busy yesterday and then my ass lapsed into a quizzical about life and purposeless people and…well, a bitch got busy.

Save the date…
A certain President Scooter B. is expected to address the masses Wednesday on his revised war plan. Y’all know a bitch never misses a presidential address (wink) so anticipate a recap following the announcement of the already leaked revisional thang.

Moving forward…

A bitch is preparing to get my blog on at the NAPW Summit next week. I’m looking forward to learning a lot and sharing what I learn with y’all. Plus there is the added benefit of finally getting to meet some people I’ve admired for ever and a day.

Fantabulous!

National Advocates for Pregnant Women works to secure the human and civil rights, health and welfare of all women, focusing particularly on pregnant and parenting women, and those who are most vulnerable - low income women, women of color, and drug-using women.

As someone who mentors and teaches pregnant and parenting women, I’m thrilled to know that NAPW is out there doing the work that they do. I’m also grateful for the challenge issued by NAPW to re-think what I'm doing and work to build a better system.

See y’all in Atlanta next week!

Anyhoo…

A bitch caught Meet the Press last Sunday and it was a classic! Senator Biden (D-DE) went toe to toe with Senator Graham (R-SC) over what the hell needs to be done in Iraq.

If you missed it a bitch recommends it highly…four out of five afros on the bitch review scale…a must see.

Why?

Because this was the kind of debate that should have happened before Congress authorized Scooter B. to go to war. Shit, Senator Graham even mentioned the Powell Doctrine!

Mercy!

Above and beyond that, they also brought up pesky shit like what happens when we leave…what are the consequences of a failed war in Iraq…shit like that.

A bitch has to admit that some of this post mid-term election shit is pissing me the hell off!

What the hell are you talking about, Shark-fu?

A bitch is glad you asked chil’ren!

Congress is charged with the responsibility of oversight. Repeat that word for me would you.

Oversight.

Congress does get a pass because the Head Motherfucker in Charge (HMIC) happens to be from the same party as the majority. Congress represents the people…the masses…this bitch and my motherfucking interests.

So, this bitch isn't handing out gold star stickers because all of the sudden someone read the motherfucking job description and said… “Hey y’all, maybe we should question what the fuck this motherfucker intends to do and how much money it’s going to cost and where the fuck that money is really going!?!”

That shit is way overdue!

And this bitch has had is up to here…mmmhmmm, already tired as hell…with the press and their overwhelming concern that oversight equals gridlock.

Oversight is a good thing…it’s what has been missing…shit, a bitch can’t wait to find out where the hemorrhage is and stitch that motherfucker up!

Average people have to present a business plan with details and justifications before they get a small business loan...bitch happens to think our government should be required to rustle up some rational with all of that pork.

Pause.

Come to think of it, pork is a sometimes food anyway!

Oversight?

Well, oversight is like the banana of government policy…

The 52nd City STUFF RELEASE PARTY

WANTED--- STUFF!
Holiday stuff, sports stuff, kid stuff, barbecue STUFF,
yard STUFF, Old STUFF, new STUFF… STUFF of all kinds!

Shake off your winter blues and make your way down to Snowflake (3156 Cherokee) to show off your STUFF. The 52nd City Magazine is kicking off their latest issue--STUFF on January 13 at 2 p.m.

Tickets are only $8 and include a mystery bag of STUFF for all who attend. So, bring your stuff (you know you got some) and you’ll get stuff. Food, tasty libations and entertainment will also be included that evening. Contact andrea@52ndcity.com to reserve tickets. The 52nd City STUFF RELEASE PARTY will include a SHOW AND TELL. You might call it an open mic for all those who want to bring stuff or an interesting collection and share a story. Contacthttp://www.andreaavery.com/to sign up and let them know what you plan to show and tell. For all who attended they will receive a bag of STUFF and the latest edition of 52nd City Magazine. This issue of STUFF will feature the writing and artwork of local St. Louis talent and their view of material things.

52nd City Media is a cooperative venture of area artists and writers dedicated to developing, incubating and releasing diverse and experimental works of interest created by local talent. When we launched this magazine, St. Louis was the 52nd City in population. Things change. We like that.

Info on just a few of the featured writers in STUFF:

Steven Schreiner is an Associate Professor of English at UM-St. Louis and the author of the poetry collection, Too Soon To Leave (Ridgeway: 1997). His poems have appeared in Poetry, Poet & Critic, Prairie Schooner, Missouri Review, Colorado Review, Denver Quarterly, Malahat Review, and other journals.

Heidi Dean can see the Bevo Mill from her front porch, has experienced love at first sight, and gets an unabashed kick out of throwing things away. She finds joy in writing songs, essays, and thank-you notes.

Chris King’s piece is drawn from a longer, unpublished narrative, 2leggeds. He is currently shopping a novel, The Cricket That Didn’t Sing. His book of poems, A Heart I Carved for a Girl I Knew, was published last year by Skuntry (www.skuntry.com).

Friday!

You must not know ‘bout me…you must not know ‘bout me!

What?

A bitch is feeling that song...or at least that line.

And I don’t usually like Beyonce...go figure!

Anyhoo…

It’s Friday and I am blessed to have made it through this week…trust a bitch.

I do want to say congratulations to Speaker Pelosi!

A bitch is thrilled and hopes that this will re-energize many a movement to seek their political voice and make ours a more representative government.

Speaking of government…

A bitch tumbled upon this story and thought it worthy of note. It seems that the White House and Secret Service agreed to keep the list of White House visitors secret.

Secret?

Yes, secret!

You know…like Nixon and those tapes.

Mmmmhmmm…that kind of secret.

Now, some may ask why this bothers me. That’s a good question with easy answers.

If you don’t want a record kept of a meeting…meet somewhere that doesn’t keep a records of who the fuck meets there.

If you already met with someone…and did so because your dumb ass thought no one would ever find out about whatever illegal and/or inappropriate shit you were up to…and now you are thinking that you can prevent or cover up some sort of something or other…fuck you, you sneaky ass motherfucker.

Mercy.

I knew this was coming. Democrats now control the House and have already announced that they plan to investigate all manner of shit.

The White House and Secret Service are attempting to deny folks access to the list of visitors to the White House because that list may generate investigative drama like what happened when the Clinton’s visitors list was revealed.

Some will say that the investigations of the Clinton years were a waste of the people’s money, political witch hunts and distractions from the people’s business.

True, but we knew that going in.

Oh, yes we did...hush.

Not all investigations are bad…just look at Watergate. This bitch happens to think we need to know who met with whom at the White House during the Abramoff scandal…oh, and the CIA leak incident…and those energy meetings from back in the day…oh, and during the lead up to the war.

And this bitch is more than a wee bit suspicious about the timing coupled with the undercover shadow government nature of this move.

Sniff.

Sniff again.

Once more.

Ugh.

What the fuck do they have to hide? Better yet, who the fuck do they think they are trying to hide anything in the first place?

Shit!

That’s the people’s house…and there hasn’t been an administration honored to serve in it that’s been irreplaceable.

A bitch plans to monitor this for signs of activist judges gone wild...

Oprah gets her education on...

Did you know that Oprah opened up a school for young women in South Africa?

Of course you did!

Couldn’t miss that shit with a map and a plan, could you (wink)?

A bitch has run the spectrum of emotions about Oprah’s new school. My ass has separated my dislike of the star fucking that always accompanies shit like this (mark my words, someone is going to come up pregnant) from my honest respect for Ms. Oprah and what she has been able to accomplish.

Reaction #1 – Jealousy is a sorry, sorry thang…
Shit.

Damn that Oprah!

A bitch has always wanted to open up a school of bitchitude here in St. Louis.

...sometime after the knee first jerketh…

Fuck that, this bitch’s dream isn’t married to Oprah’s.

I can still open a school of bitchitude!

Reaction #2 – Isolationism is like an infection…
Why South Africa? It’s not as if we’re running low on poor young women getting left behind.

...but reflection is a nice antibiotic…
Hell, I suppose the world is global and just because my ass thinks in terms of the community I live in doesn’t mean anyone else has to.

Oprah is right about American students not having to pay tuition…although someone might want to hip her to the fact that taxes pay for public education (just ask folks living in Clayton…shudder). She’s wrong about that I-Pod bullshit…some kids are spoiled materialistic little shits, but a lot of them are aspiring not acquiring.

But she is right about the fact that education is undervalued here despite its link to stability and prosperity.

I wonder why that...you know, the fact that not valuing education is illogical...why that wasn't inspiring to Oprah, because it inspires the hell out of me.

Some people see obstacles where a bitch sees a challenge.

Reaction #3 - Enough with the star fucking…
Lawd have mercy. A bitch had to work hard to avoid all the celebrity hair flipping, serious face contorting whilst searching for the perfect quotable sorta-deep thought associated with the media blitz that was the Grand Opening of Oprah’s Leadership Academy in South Africa.

Don’t get me wrong…go on with your bad self Oprah...but daaaaaaaaaammmmmmn!

It’s a school, right?

Just checking…because y’all are behaving as if it is a shrine.

Finally a bitch arrived here…
A bitch is inspired.

I just wish inspiration wasn’t such an obvious afterthought.

If we are going to discuss education and the need to encourage, by any means necessary, the leadership of young women so that the gender footprint of power is equal to the one made by population…then we should discuss it.

But if we are going to indulge in an 'oppression off'…in some pathetic and ill informed debate over who has the worst deal in education, what community needs more and what group of neglected chil’ren should get a break…then someone needs to slap someone back into reality.

Think about it…move away from the ego fest that was the media blitz on this school…pause and give the concept of this school some mental attention.

The education of young women, their empowerment, the development of leadership skills and the demonstration of what it takes to make that shit happen…that’s what’s on the table here.

A bitch happens to think that’s a good thing (wink).

So, I’m left beyond tired of the star fucking and who wants to kiss the hem of my gown interviews and inspired by what an individual can do to further the cause of education, leadership and empowerment in a community.

Not a bad dish altogether, despite the unfortunate presentation.

Pondering the trifling among us...

Do the trifling among us know that they are trifling or are they in denial?

Just a question…a quizzical…a pondering of sorts.

I don't think they know.

What?

Shit, some of them are so over the top trifling! They can't know. Okay, a bitch will admit that once in a while a trifling assed motherfucker will do something trifling as hell and then shoot me a look as if to ask 'Is she going to smack me upside my head or is she buying this shit'. But most trifling assholes don't know...don't care...and are poised to violate the Thou Shalt Not Trifle commandment for life.

Gasp!

Something must be done, chil'ren!

Ahem.

A bitch would like to do a version of Intervention on A&E for those addicted to trifling behavior.

What? Oh, hush...you know you'd watch that shit (wink).

Just think about all the trifling ass people you know…and you know your ass knows some trifling person all too well…being featured in episodes where the nature of their trifilocity is detailed, a plan of intervention is developed and then a team of Trifilocity Detoxification Specialists comes in and intervene!

Shit, don’t try to tell me that wouldn’t be quality programming!

Hell, Scooter B. could be featured in the pilot episode!

Picture this! Scooter B. would be shown looking smug and full of…ummm, decisions. In a well edited vignette, we would detail moments of trifling behavior. For example, that 'I’ve got a mandate and I intend to use it.' speech-like moment would fit in there.

I could go on and on...we have a lot of material to choose from, trust a bitch.

Cough.

Next, we would have one on one interviews with people who find Scooter B. trifling. Folks could detail how his trifling ass behavior has impacted their lives and why they think the time has come for an intervention.

For example, this bitch would bring up the combative go fuck yourself manner in which Scooter B. treated Dems in Congress…that I’m the Decider and you can kiss my grits way that he shoved through massive cuts to social programs, a tore up from the floor up educational non-reform reform and attempted to force feed his No You’re Never Gonna Get It (pause to shake groove thang...my lovin, my lovin...cough...sorry 'bout that, but that song is still the shit) Social Security non-starter to the nation.

Pause…collect thyself…continue.

We’d end with the intervention. People would read letters…and then Scooter B. would have to come to terms with the need to detrifle or face the consequences!

Someone might even say "line-tem veto my black ass"...ummm, no...scratch that...Lawd knows the networks fear potty mouth language (wink).

Shit.

I haven’t worked the rest of it out yet, but at some point the afflicted falls to his knees and sobs “Oh, my Gawd! I’m trifling! Oh….oh no…I’M TRIFLING!” and demons fly out of his eyes or something.

Blink.

Think of it as a detrifled ah hah moment!

Shit, that was fun as hell. Mayhap I could get this produced!

Hell, if The Real Housewives of Orange County made it past pilot anything can happen...

A quick review...

Shall we?

Fantabulous!

This bitch couldn't avoid the coverage of the execution of a Saddam Hussein...and it got me thinking about the entire Saddam saga.

The Capture…
Saddam was found in a hole-esque bunker.

Okay,hold it.

Fuck that shit.

That was a motherfucking hole! Bunker my black ass. Saddam was pulled out of that nastified hole looking tore up…hair all crazy tore up. A bitch watched the telly as images of Saddam being inspected for...ugh...flashed across the screen.

Now, this bitch was surprised that they didn’t just blow Saddam’s ass away outside of the hole.

What?

Well, I was! But I quickly came to the conclusion that the United States must want a trial. Yeah, they must want some confirmation that Saddam was indeed the Dark Side and the new Iraqi government is indeed full of goodness thatshines like a warm light and shall serve as an example to the region, which will facilitate the eventual democratization of the blah, blah and blah.

Oh, fuck it.

Ahem.

My ass came to the conclusion that they wanted a trial to demonstrate that Saddam was a tyrannical asshole. Which was known to our government…cause we used to be tight like that...way back in the day when Saddam was our tyrannical asshole.

So, bring on the made for television call to justice!

Not.

The Jerry Springer-esque Trial…
Post invasion war crime trials of known used to be our homeboy tyrants should go smoothly. There’s an abundance of evidence…everyone wants to find the tyrant guilty…no need to fret about an impartial jury…hell, you’ve even got a fresh off the motherfucking presses judicial system that was written knowing that said tyrant might one day be brought before it.

But the trial of Saddam started to play out like the mutant love child of Maury P. and Jerry Springer! Assassinations…attempted assassinations…public rantings and fist wavings…damned if they didn’t even have a pseudo-protest infused 24 hour I changed my mind right before breakfast fasting.

Shit, we can't even get a well produced show trial out of these assholes!

Okay then.

Cough.

Anyhoo, surely the current puppet government is going to pull it together post conviction and get some mileage out of the execution of the tyrannical leader of the former puppet government.

Not so fast...think again!

To the gallows…
A bitch was amazed by the coverage of the conviction…and the apparent confusion coming forth media wise on the next steps.

And once the press got a hold of the law…and found out that Saddam was legally mandated to go to the gallows within 30 days of his conviction being upheld on appeal…well, you would have thought a hanging was on CNN’s Christmas list!

The ever updated and yet still somehow breaking news headlines were full of bloodlust.

This bitch was waiting for Soledad O’Brien to host Explaining Hangings – A Parent’s Guide to Discussing Executions.

Mercy.

But for sure they’re going to pull it together, lead by example and administer justice with the kind of clarity of purpose Saddam never afforded his fellow Iraqis!

Certainly they…

We?

Ummm…they, if you believe the West Wing, have learned something and will take this moment to join together as one nation and bring an end to the…

Mission accomplished…
Oh, for the love of GAWD!

Who the fuck brings a camera phone to hanging?

Jesus!

How the fuck did people fail to notice?

Pause.

And was a bitch the only person pondering South Park movie plot angles as the CNN Noose Ticker time clock wound down?

Resolvitude...

Whew!

A bitch is emerging from my hermit-like state to face the new year.

My ass sank into a full on end of year funk...a major funk....a 'who the hell needs to get out of bed' kind of funktitude, if you know what I mean. Blink. It took me some time to see the funk for what it was and then I had to get over being pissed off at myself for ever allowing the funk to settle in.

Mercy.

Oh well, I clearly needed it. This was a productive life exploring and then affirming funk, so it was worth a few days hiding under the covers whilst avoiding people (wink).

Pause...stretch...resume.

I have come to understand that many people, including myself, avoid life exploring mental wanderings because they have the potential to produce funks. Scooter B. comes to mind. All that determination appears at first glance to be the mark of leadership, but it may actually be the intense avoidance of inner work for fear of a funk.

Or he could just be one stubborn motherfucker.

Blink.

Where was I?

Oh yes, resolvitude!

Resolutions require reflection on what has been and what is. What emerges post reflection is an understanding of the goals ahead and how to bloody well reach them. Whilst getting my hermit on, my ass hit a wall of reality, indulged in the funk that resulted and was left with no other move but to climb. I passed by the mistakes and misunderstandings, climbing over the painfully accurate realizations and rubbing my boot in the face of the many doubts and frets that come with the burden of an enlightened mind.

On the other side there is the future...2007...and a bitch has work to do.

2007 Resolvitude

On honesty...
A bitch resolves to be more honest with myself and work on seeing shit for what it is rather than what I would like it to be.

Fuck, that's going to be a tough one.

Sigh.

On the struggle...
A bitch resolves to further define my role and to seek knowledge from others to better fulfill it.

On health...
Oh fuck it all.

A bitch resolves to eat more vegetables, drink more water...and limit my adoration of all things smothered to a sometime thing.

Shit.

On the evolution of my afro...
A bitch resolves to give my afro free!

Go on and grow with your bad ass self.

Three cheers for keepin it real in 2007, chil'ren!

Happy New Year!

A bitch hopes that everyone had a safe and fantabulous New Year's Eve!

Happy 2007...