Thursday, November 30, 2006

What your boo don't know...

A bitch hates to drive in the rain...or in the snow...so you know my ass can't stand driving in the rain-based snowish shit the St. Louis sky is currently squirting.

Fuck it all, winter is here.

Sigh.

Y'all be safe...some people drive crazy!

Anyhoo...

What your boo don't know...
Whenever my ass gets anxious whilst driving this bitch likes to put on hip hop music and play it loud as hell. For some reason it relaxes me...or maybe its that it distracts me. Anyhoo, I was driving home because our office closed early due to weather drama and this song came on the radio.

Note - a bitch's cd player is busted...and my ass is stuck with the radio when driving...and if I ever find the motherfucker who came up with the 24/7 holiday music idea this bitch is going to correct the hell out of him or her!

Ahem.

So, this song stuck to the typical formula...good beat, heavy bass and lots of unnecessary vocal scales. The lyrics were so random they made me wince. Then came the chorus.

What your girl don't know wont hurt her.

Distraction granted!

What the fuck? I kept listening and there is was again...what your boo don't know can't hurt her.

Huh?

Lawd, give me strength!

What your boo don't know may hurt her...may remain with her for life and may kill her...or him.

Fucking has consequences...beyond the possibility of a baby.

My sisters and brothers, HIV/AIDS is our disease. We need to own it...understand it...and discuss it openly with friends, lovers and family. HIV/AIDS is our disease...it is in our community and maybe even in our home.

The problem isn't music or entertainment...it's that lately entertainment is the only thing out there discussing sex. Sex has been removed from sex education...prevention has been replaced by the school of abstinence or death...and the same parents who don't know shit are now trying to educate their chil'ren about the shit they don't know.

Quite a curious plan to deal with a public health issue, don't you think?

I can't help but think of driver's education. Fuck it, driver's ed. was the one class my friends never missed in high school (wink).

Why?

You couldn't get a license to drive without passing the class and everyone wanted to drive.

What if drivers ed. removed the driving test? What if they only covered driving under ideal conditions...on country lanes with no traffic?

What if 16 year olds could take a class...never discuss responsible driving...never learn how to handle a car...and then get the keys and just go for it?

Sounds crazy, doesn't it?

Insane in the membrane even!

Sounds dangerous as hell to this bitch.

Sigh.

But what your boo don't know you do.

Don't you?

Know your status...get your learn on...and get real.

Because every day...24/7 and 12...is World AIDS Day.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Suspect...

When the news that a groom was shot in New York City by police just hours before his wedding came across my television screen I found myself saying “Please don’t let that man be black”.

Please, please…oh please don’t let him be any shade of brown.

My reaction was instantaneous…my mind automatically reverted to a rejection of the probable and a hope that this would not be another incident of brown as suspect.

Because brown as suspect makes suspects out of my brother…my cousins…my friends.

Please don’t let him be unarmed
.

Brown as suspect is what sometimes keeps me up at night...makes me fret over the what ifs...has bullets fly before reason sets in and keeps them flying when training requires otherwise.

So my mind raced, as if thinking could influence what already was…as if hoping against hope could turn back time and alter reality.

Oh, please don’t let the police be out of uniform.

This script is so predictable…so awful and predictable.

Chant it…say it…think it, over and over...please….no….please…no….please, oh please….no.


Gawd, oh gawd.

Yes.

50 odd shots...Sean Bell shot and dead at 23…the night before his wedding.

Drama in the house that Robertson built...

A bitch would like to thank everyone who participated in Dining Out for Life yesterday! My ass even got the chance to meet a few blog readers at Sweetie Pie’s.

Thanks for making the special effort to come over and say hey!

Dining Out for Life is a fantabulous fundraiser and an opportunity to educate communities about HIV/AIDS. But every day is World AIDS Day. Talk about HIV and AIDS with friends and family…know your status and encourage them to know theirs…and get to know the resources for prevention and treatment. More on that in a wee bit…

Moving forward…

C-Money sent this bitch a news item yesterday that made my Afro hurt. It seems that the president elect of the Christian Coalition told that organization to talk to the hand! Now, I’m not one to get excited about just any ol’ drama within that organization. A bitch is not a fan but my ass tries not to be petty (wink).

What got my afro throbbing was the reason behind The Rev. Joel Hunter’s declining the presidency of The Christian Coalition…because he wanted to shift the focus of the organization towards issues of poverty and the environment while the leadership is still enjoying their anti-choice/homophobia value meal…and how fucked up that shit is!

I can not comprehend why media remains reluctant to debate hypocrisy in faith-based organizations even when the very definition is presented to them on a motherfucking platter.

Shit, if the American Cancer Society tossed over a president-elect because she dared to want to focus on…well, cancer (gasp)…you can bet your ass the media would be coating that shit with opinion like frosting on cake.

Anyhoo...

Clearly media folks are reluctant to step to this shit.

Who can blame them?

Gawd forbid we offend the offensive...

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Remembering Bebe Moore Campbell…

Bebe Moore Campbell, author of Your Blues Ain't Like Mine, has died at the age of 56 from complications due to brain cancer.

A person’s writing is their legacy...

...and Bebe Moore Campbell has left one hell of a legacy for us all.

Dining Out for Life Reminder...

Don't forget to support Dining Out for Life today!

If you have not made a restaurant selection please join me at Sweetie Pie's on Manchester Ave for lunch.

Or you could always check out this web site for details about participating restaurants.

Either way, I encourage you to get your eat on for the cause today!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Post holiday recovery...

Thank Gawd a bitch has a day off today!

Not that I didn't have a nice holiday. I did! But this bitch can only take so much socialization before freaking the hell out...and my cup overfloweth this past week.

Today it's just me and the dawgs.

Fantabulous!

Toodles until tomorrow...

Cranberry Sauce Recipe

Okay chil'ren, here is the cranberry sauce recipe that a certain Meg posted for this bitch in a comment to my feast preparedness post.

Cranberry Sauce...lifted from Meg in a comment
1 cup sugar
1 cup water
1 12oz pkg fresh cranberries, rinsed
1 orange, peeled and chopped

Dissolve sugar into water in saucepan
Bring to boil, add cranberries
Turn down heat to low and simmer about 10 minutes until cranberries pop
Turn off heat, add chopped orange
Let cool in pan and serve or refrigerate in a covered bowl until serving time.

Yum!

Friday, November 24, 2006

Cran-tabulous...

A bitch has a confession to make.

Earlier this week I expressed an opinion here and I now want to publicly admit that I was wrong.

Pause.

Pull self together.

Continue.

But I am a woman willing to admit my mistakes.

Sigh.

Not all cranberry sauce is nastified (wink).

Thank you to Meg and others who were kind enough to send me cranberry sauce recipes when this bitch stated that I couldn't stand cranberry sauce. My ass made the cranberry/orange/sugar over heat version.

So, a bitch stands corrected.

And that cranberry-based sauce was fantabulous!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

A meme...

Todd of ToddSpot has tagged a bitch for a Thanksgiving meme!

Only for you, darling...

  1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Mercy, it should be illegal for an afro to look this good!
  2. How much cash do you have on you? $3
  3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?” More.
  4. Favorite planet? Venus
  5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? C-Money
  6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? Shit. A bitch is old school and therefore doesn’t download ring tones. My current ring tone is some bullshit classical thing that came with the motherfucking phone.
  7. What shirt are you wearing? A gray turtleneck sweater.
  8. Do you “label” yourself? Yes and no.
  9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing? Shit. The label wore off…
  10. Bright or Dark Room? Dark
  11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? I adore him!
  12. What does your watch look like? Timex sorta-silver…fuck it, it glows in the dark!
  13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Talking about that racist rant by Michael Richards with C-Money over vodka crans.
  14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? Oh shit…this phone takes text messages?
  15. Where is your nearest 7-11? Fuck that shit…a bitch is all about the Smitty’s at the corner of Kingshighway and Southwest.
  16. What's a word that you say a lot? Shit...shit?
  17. Who told you he/she loved you last? My mentee.
  18. Last furry thing you touched? Nola our office dawg.
  19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Including today? Ummm…6 Claritin, 3 Excedrin PM, 3 Anti-Enid meds and a couple of pseudo-Sudafed for kicks.
  20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? Seeing as this bitch hasn’t gotten pictures developed since 1996…we’re talking 30 rolls or more that I couldn‘t find to save my bloody life.
  21. Favorite age you have been so far? 33…this has been a good year.
  22. Your worst enemy? The Man (wink)
  23. What is your current desktop picture? Fall foliage
  24. What was the last thing you said to someone? Yeah, but did they take a shit out there or just bullshit around?
  25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? The money…a bitch is afraid of heights.
  26. Do you like someone? No. A bitch deals only in extreme emotions.
  27. The last song you listened to? William DeVaughn Be Thankful for What You Got…diggin the scene with a gangsta lean, baby!
  28. What time of day were you born? Lawd, a bitch’s mother celebrated my birthday on the wrong day for the first 11 years of my life and you want me to know shit like what time of day she pushed me out? Mercy!
  29. What’s your favorite number? 2
  30. Where did you live in 1987? St. Louis, Missouri
  31. Are you jealous of anyone? No.
  32. Is anyone jealous of you? Oh, I doubt it…I hope not…jealousy is tragic.
  33. Where were you when 9/11 happened? On my way into the office.
  34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Take it as a sign that my ass didn’t need that Twix bar.
  35. Do you consider yourself kind? I can be.
  36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? I have one…a shark on my shoulder. I’d get one on the other shoulder for balance.
  37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Sign language
  38. Would you move for the person you loved? No.
  39. Are you touchy feely? No.
  40. What’s your life motto? Keep it real.
  41. Name three things that you have on you at all times? MAC Film Noir or Underworld lipstick, a notepad and pen…and lotion
  42. What’s your favourite town/city? Are you kidding? St. Louis...because a bitch loves danger!
  43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? A Caramel Latte
  44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? Last week.
  45. Can you change the oil on a car? Yes.
  46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? Things are going very well.
  47. How far back do you know about your ancestry? As far as the docks of Virginia.
  48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? I wore a fashion forward jacket, bad ass blue eyeglasses and velvet pants to the HRC Gala event.
  49. Does anything hurt on your body right now? Oooh, honey...I'd share, but I don't even know your middle name.
  50. Have you been burned by love? No, but I’ve blisters and scars from bullshit passing itself off as love.

A bitch hasn't the strength to tag...but let me know if you do one.

Toodles!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Pre-Feast Preparedness…

Lawd, did this holiday sneak up on a bitch?

Shit.

Thank Gawd for lists and such…or a bitch wouldn’t be able to remember my own name!

ABB’s Feastitude List of Needed Things and Gluttable Foods…

Viewage…
All The President’s Men Anniversary Edition
Network
Dog Day Afternoon

Pause.

And Ordinary People.

What?

Shit, it’s a family tradition.

Drinkables…
Soda pop
Various juices...most importantly cran
Vodka
Sam Adam's Winter Lager…for C-Money
Cider-based liquids
Bubbly…for Mimosas
bourbon

Foodage…
Turkey…still at the store
Ham…ordered and ready for pick up
Corn Casserole…if you don’t know you need to know!
Dressing…trying newish recipe
Bread/rolls…C-Money’s responsibility
Cranberry sauce…loathe it, but not having may be bad luck
Sweet Potato Pie…C-Money is throwing down
Whipped cream…the modern girl always has some on hand (wink)
Greens
Broccoli Rice dish
Sweet Potato Casserole dish…you can never have too many
Apple Pie…because this bitch LOVES apple pie.
Ice Cream…and a bitch ADORES my pie topped with ice cream.

Meds...
Claritin…it’s all that dusting coming back to haunt me
Excedrin
Sudafed…because we’re celebrating

Sigh.

All topped off with a post holiday maybe this will burn some of those calories dawg walking excursion!

Enid Free for Five Years...

A bitch had a fantabulous if hectic feastitude preparedness weekend!

After shopping (mercy!) and cleaning (old ass house = dust…lots and lots of dust) a bitch finished with a delightful dinner party with friends hosted by my Play Husband!

Fantabulous!

As some of y'all know, the Thanksgiving holiday holds a special place in a bitch’s heart. No, this bitch doesn’t get all weepish over the thought of starving Puritans feasting on the bounty of others.

Shudder.

And I don't adore Thanksgiving simply because it is a food-based festival of gluttony either…not that there’s anything wrong with that.

This bitch celebrates the hell out of Thanksgiving because it is the anniversary of the death of a certain Enid. Five years ago this week, to be precise.

Who was this Enid and why the fuck is a bitch celebrating her death?

Glad you asked!

Enid was actually a group of symptomatic fibroid tumors that decided to make my uterus their home. A bitch and my surgeon spent months conspiring to shrink and then kill the collective cell dividing motherfuckers I named Enid…and finally settled on the old school method of scalpel to tissue execution.

My treatment…those months of “now I totally understand Sybil” hormones, “you want to put that where?” ultra-sounds, “you’re going to feel a little pressure” exams, “this may be slightly painful” prodding and “you shouldn’t drive after taking” painkillers…changed my life.

I emerged from surgery altered…beautifully scarred…and beyond thankful.

For the gift of this life…for the weeks of post-surgery recovery that have resulted in years free of pain and hemorrhaging…for having a treatable condition that will not keep me from friends and family this holiday …and for the learning experience that was the death of Enid.

Sigh.

Oh, and for the multitude of food this Enid Free for Five Years bitch is preparing to inhale this week…

Friday, November 17, 2006

Have a fantabulous weekend!


A bitch has a full social calendar this weekend.

And I also have to deep clean my living area (ugh!!).

Which will have to be followed by a vodka cran...or two.

Sigh.

Toodles for now!

For the love of....

A bitch read this news item and…well, honestly a bitch is very concerned!

This latest move to appoint an anti-contraception, anti-choice…basically anti-sex freak to head the nation’s family planning office just seems so…unstable.

Has anyone checked up on Scooter B. and his minions lately?

No, I mean chatted with them or caught a bite to eat with them.

How'd they sound?

Has anyone noticed folks in the West Wing speaking incoherently or talking to people who are not there?

Blink.

A bitch is serious, chil’ren!

This shit simply is not rational.

Pause.

Unless Scooter B. is now taking advice from Missouri legislators…and this appointment is the first phase of his new Operation Increase Production immigration reform plan.

Pause again.

Lawd have mercy…

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Some bitchfirmations...

A certain Christopher commented yesterday and got this bitch thinking about bitchfirmations.

ABB’s Final Exam Bitchfirmation for those of you dealing with finals
To be said whilst preparing to leave to take the exam.

You are and forever will be the shit! There is no exam that is beyond your abilities.

Fluff that afro…moisturize your hands (because no one should take a test when ashy) and go on with your bad academic self!

Mmmhmm.

Although my ass is not wading through the drama of final exams (thank Gawd!), all the holiday planning and socializing seems to be begging for another dash o’ bitchitude.

ABB’s Pre-Feastitude Bitchfirmations…
Whilst grocery shopping for yummified must have ingredients…
Girl, don’t let these ignorant assed rude as hell bumping into a bitch’s cart and not even apologizing assholes get to you! You know not everyone has home training. Just take your list of required things and get your shop on!

Take comfort in the knowledge that those same rude as hell with no home training to be seen motherfuckers will be dining on flavorless dishes and lumpy ass gravy…

When feeling stressed about entertaining guests…
Have you lost your mind? Get festive for the love of all that is holy…go on…get! Friends and family are preparing to gather, eat and be happy. What the hell is wrong with that?

Cease stressing…freshen your fantabulous signature MAC Underworld lipstick (wink)…check that afro, which is so fine it is divine…and go on with your bad self!

After cleaning what can be cleaned, dusting what could be dusted and washing what needed to be washed…

Stop…fix self a vodka followed by ice followed by cran…and chill the fuck out!

Do you know who you are?

That’s right…you are the original sharktastic ABB diva-child!

And this is going to be a sharktastic ABB diva-esque Thanksgiving party.

Girl, you know what they say they say?

Ain’t no party like an ABB party ‘cause an ABB party don’t stop (wink)!

Toodles…

Madame Speaker!

Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi has been officially selected as Speaker designate to the United States House of Representatives.

This bitch can’t wait for the State of the Union next year!

Shit, my ass may have to break out the bubbly to celebrate hearing “Madame Speaker, the President of the United States” announced in the chamber.

Fan-fucking-tabulous!

Retro bullshit...

Lawd, have mercy!

Yes, a bitch saw this news report, which demonstrates why we have so much work yet to do in Missouri.

And yes, it made this bitch’s afro hurt.

Mercy.

Y’all thought a bitch was kidding ‘bout crazy assed motherfuckers in state government…didn’t you?

It seems that certain members of Missouri’s state government have a…ummm…well, retro spin on the immigration challenge still looming before our nation.

From the report…

“The lack of a traditional work ethic, combined with the effects of 30 years of abortion and expanding liberal social welfare policies have produced a shortage of workers and a lack of incentive for those who can work.”

Someone get Lou Dobbs on the line…stat!

Where to start?

That “lack of a traditional work ethic” shit almost made me vomit. A bitch has had a lot of experience with government folks in Jefferson City...shit, some of my favorite people work there! But some of the motherfuckers in Jeff City wouldn’t know a work ethic if it jumped up and smacked them across the face...twice.

The report in question is a great example of that.

I have to admit that they actually came close to almost clever with that shit.

Oh, what the fuck…let’s give it a whirl, shall we?

"Representatives at the committee meeting were supposed to discuss immigration reform and provide related information in a committee report, but obviously a lack of a traditional work ethic coupled with years of low expectations being rewarded by an apathetic electorate have resulted in an inability to accomplish a motherfucking task."

Blink.

As for the “effects of 30 years of abortion”, a bitch smells a familiar fragrance.

Are they trying to say that decent workers are being aborted while lazy workers are being born?

Gasp!

Well then, what about the effects of the pill? Or condoms?

Double gasp!

Mayhap all birth control shares the blame for illegal immigration?

But I’m still confused? It’s that work ethic part that I keep tripping over.

If man on woman fluid exchanging for the purpose of child creating sex is the solution to illegal immigration, but some man on woman fluid exchanging for the purpose of child creating sex may not result in work ethic infused babies…well, howthe hell do you determine who should and who should not have man on woman fluid exchanging for the purpose of child creating sex to guarantee the resulting babies have work ethics?

Ahhh…

Oh fuck it all, that’s not new!

America has been there before.

Miles and miles and miles yet to go...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Wassup Creative Writing Class 101

A certain Kirin from Canada de-lurked to tell me that my ass has multitudes of fans in Creative Writing Class 101!

Fantabulous!

This bitch adores fans ... and Canada ... and creative writing (wink)!

Thanks for reading a bitch's blog.

Oh, and my sister C-Money would like to thank all Canadians for Molson Golden ... and, ummm bears .... oh, and hockey (specifically, Hockey Night in Canada) ... and Tim Hortons doughnuts (yummy)!

Toodles...

Yesterday...

A bitch has been feeling overwhelmed lately. I can’t put my finger on one specific thing…rather it’s a lot of unrelated things weighing on my mind.

Sigh.

But a moment of joy happened today as I was driving home to let the hounds out for their mid-day pee and I just have to share it!

Yesterday, a gospel song by Mary Mary, came on the radio.

Now, y’all know I adore gospel. It’s one of the things I miss most about church! If you haven’t heard Yesterday you need to. The lyrics are inspiration defined.

So, this bitch is driving up Vandeventer and Yesterday comes on the radio.

I had enough heartache and enough headaches

Blink.

Are you there Gawd? It’s me…Shark-fu!

I've had so many ups and downsDon't know how much more I can take

Mercy!

See I decided that I cried my last tear yesterday

Have you ever heard the right song at the perfect moment?

Yeah…it was like that.

Either I'm going to trust you or I may as well walk away
'cause stressing don't make it better
Don't make it better, no way

Ain’t that the truth?

See I decided that I cried my last tear yesterday
Yesterday, I decided to put my trust in you
Yesterday, I realized that you will bring me through

Tell it!! Tell it!

I decided that I cried my last tear yesterday!

Mmmhmmm…a bitch was having church whilst driving Ms. SisterGirl Cabrio!

And it felt…perfect.

I was singing my heart out…feeling those words in my bones! I turned the volume up and just let it go…gave it all up…and, in the process, relaxed and released all that drama and bullshit.

I glanced over and saw that the woman in the car next to me was singing too...singing the same song! Our eyes connected and we exchanged smiles…the music of liberation shared between us.

Fellowship.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Some thoughts on the documentary F**K...

C-Money and this bitch caught F**K, which is a documentary participating in the St. Louis International Film Festival.

Most of y’all know that a bitch adores ripe language. Shit, this bitch has even been accused of having quite the potty mouth my damned self (wink). So there was no way in hell my ass was going to miss seeing this movie…even if it did start at 9:45pm on a school night!

F**K was fucking worth the late night viewage.

FUCK...and a bitch is going to uncensor the spelling of that shit going forward...took me on a journey through the various uses of the word. I was introduced to the diverse population of people that freak out about it. The movie explored fear of fuck, the humor contained within fuck, the power contained within fuck, the impact of censorship on culture, the FCC’s split personality on how to handle the word fuck and the culture war feeding off of naughty language and behavior.

Whew!

And this was all done in fucking fantabulous detail.

The interviews were, however, the best part of the film.

They included but where not limited to Ice-T, Drew Carey, Bill Maher, Dennis Prager, Billy Connolly (funny as hell…for real!), Alan Keyes (total freak…and apparently rotting from within), Dr. Hunter S. Thompson (Gawd, a bitch misses the hell out of that motherfucker!), Michael Medved (still desperately seeking a Puritan revival), Janeane Garofalo (SisterGirl was rocking some seriously fantabulous fashion forward with a vintage twist eyeglasses) Ben Bradlee(of the Watergate Washington Post Bradlees) and last but certainly not least Mr. Pat Boone.

Yes, Pat Boone.

A bitch can’t name a single song of his and yet I do know that he was a 'somebody' sometime somewhere in the history of the 'used to be star fuckable' sorta-celebrities.

Even after seeing him in the movie this bitch probably couldn't pick him out of a lineup.

Doesn't matter...honestly, fuck it...Pat Boone still stole the show by giving this bitch a new naughty word!

Boone.

What?

Shit, Pat Boone said that he doesn’t curse…he just replaces words like 'fuck' with his name.

Boone!

Go boone yourself you motherbooner!

Get the boone out of my face, you boone-tool!

Gawd, this situation is booned up from the floor up!

Sigh.

Boone is fan-fucking-tabulous.

Thank you Pat Boone for being such a judgmental motherbooner!

A bitch is giving Fuck by Steven Anderson 4 out of 5 militant afros.

Monday, November 13, 2006

The King Memorial...

"Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream."

Ground was broken today for The King Memorial, which will be the first memorial to a black American on the National Mall.

All manner of Presidents, politicians and celebrities were on hand for the moment.

Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it did make me think.

The Civil Rights Movement stands as a testament to what the masses can accomplish…what everyday women, men and children can do in the cause of social justice. I like to remember that and the power of the individual in a world obsessed with the power of the celebrated and elected.

For me, those of us who inherited the torch are living memorials.

Hopefully, The King Memorial will remind us of the responsibility we all have in protecting our priceless inheritance.

Fallout thy name is reality - a dream-based speculation…

A note – a bitch’s dream-based speculations are…well, they’re just dreams for the love of all bitchitude!

Anyhoo, a bitch dreamed a little speculation last night.

Fallout, thy name is reality – a dream-based speculation…

A certain President Scooter B. sat at his desk in the Oval Office tossing sharpened pencils at the ceiling. Hank Williams Sr. blared from the radio and, after tossing his last pencil skyward, Scooter B.’s deliberate twang joined the chorus.

“I’m so lonesome I could cry!” he belted mournfully, leaned back and closing his eyes.

Scooter B. continued to hum and rock slowly in the chair silently hoping that the thoughts of failure and stupidity would fade away.

Sensing another presence in the room, his eyes shot open.

“Father?” he whispered. “Why the glum face, old man?”

“I came to see how you’re doing. Took quite a beating Tuesday, didn’t you boy?” with panther-esque grace, 41 eased forward and ran a boney finger across the top of the disturbingly bare desk.

“Fuck it all. You came here to gloat!”

“No. You need help, son.” 41 said quietly.

“Why? Why did this happen?” Scooter sobbed. “Everyone blames me! Even Laura don’t look me in the eye no more.” Rising he turned to look out the window. “It’s just me and Barney. I know that now. At least a man can always count on his dog.”

“Oh shut the fuck up. Son, the time has come for you to face reality”

“No! I’m the decider! I decide shit and then it becomes reality!” Scooter B. wailed.

“Mmmmhmm. You decided yourself into the reality of a mid-term correction.” 41 replied calmly.

Stunned Scooter B.’s eyes shot to his Father’s face.

“I can handle things! Not like everybody says. I'm smart!” Scooter B’s eyes filled with Fredo Corleone-esque tears of frustration.

"Gawd you are a mess!" 41 turned away in disgust. “If you’re lucky Baker and Hamilton will find a way out of this shit storm.

41 stalked out bumping into a visibly excited Cheney. Taking in the Vice President’s hunting gear, 41 raised one inquisitive eyebrow.

“Hunting rabbits, Dick?”
he asked.

“I just got back into town and heard there was a lame duck ‘round these parts.” Cheney snarled.

“Lawd, save us.” 41 muttered as he walked out the door.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Veterans Day!

Happy Veterans Day!

And to my friends up North, Happy Remembrance Day!

Today I honor the women and men who serve and remember those who are no longer with us.

My Grandfather and Father, rest their souls...my Uncle and cousins...my friends and neighbors...and those readers who are on active duty.

Thank you and be blessed...until we study war no more...

Friday, November 10, 2006

Still miles to go...

Happy Friday, chil’ren!

A bitch plans to get my write on this weekend and invest some time in my much neglected book.

Sigh.

Oh well…nothing to do but pick up thy pen!

A certain bitter assed knavish troll sent this bitch a question via e-mail. Said knave-based troll expressed concern that a bitch will not be able to go on now that “my people” have taken control and are free to “ruin” America.

Pause.

“My people” have yet to take control, son. Unless a bitch missed something Tuesday night and angry black women swept into the majority...and a bitch is doubtful I’d miss that shit…Congress is still populated by wealthy straight (on paper) white men.

When government is populated by the faithful of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks you’ll feel that shit in your bones…trust a bitch.

The fine art of bitchitude is still practiced here!

Mmhmmm, there is plenty of shit left to do.

State politics (still fucked up), city political drama (only not fucked up in comparison to the fucktitude of the Missouri state shit), the Missouri Department of Mental Health (quick to trifle and slow to come correct), our on-going battle to protect and defend choice (ugh, talk about a multi-front war), education reform (nice campaign issue, but a pain in the ass to deliver on), anti-bullying legislation (needed BIG TIME in Missouri), civil rights protection (because folks get fired, denied housing and discriminated against all the time) and all manner of domestic policy shit that has been neglected or fucked up from the floor up by The Man.

I’ll shut up when the job gets done, motherfucker.

On a much lighter note...

The St. Louis International Film Festival is going down, chil’ren!

This bitch plans to view all manner of movies.

My ass is most looking forward to FUCK directed by Steve Anderson and Son of Man directed by Mark Dornford-May.

See you at the films...

Thursday, November 09, 2006

National Summit to Ensure the Health and Humanity of Pregnant and Birthing Women

A bitch has been invited to blog the 2007 National Summit to Ensure the Health and Humanity of Pregnant and Birthing Women!

Thank you everyone at the National Advocates for Pregnant Women for the bloggership that is making it possible for me to participate. A bitch is truly honored and beyond excited.

The best part is that I know my volunteer work with pregnant and birthing women here in St. Louis will benefit from this experience.

A bitch eagerly anticipates being able to share the experience with all y’all in the land of bitchitude too!

This bitch will be attending the summit from January 18 through January 21 2007 in fantabulous Atlanta, Georgia.

Lawd, I can already taste the peach cobbler!

Mercy!

To find out more about the National Advocates for Pregnant Women check out their web site.

For information about the National Summit to Ensure the Health and Humanity of Pregnant and Birthing Women check out this web site.

Remembering Ed Bradley…

Ed Bradley died today of leukemia.

I grew up watching Ed Bradley. He made me want to know and understand things...to not stop at the surface, but to go deeper and form an opinion.

In an age of media spectacles and desperate stunts, Ed Bradley remained a journalist. Even when he pissed me off I had to admire that.

I will remember his presence…the measured tone and confident intellectualism...and the cool as hell jazz of him.

Save the date!

Dining Out for Life 2006
A bitch encourages everyone to participate in Dining Out for Life!

Dining Out for Life benefits local AIDS Service Organizations. Restaurants agree to donate a portion of their proceeds…hosts volunteer to fill seats and educate diners…and everyone enjoys a yummy meal for a fantabulous cause!

So, please plan to dine out (wink) in support of Dining Out for Life Tuesday November 28 in the St. Louis area.

Mayhap a bitch will see you at Sweetie Pie’s on Manchester Ave. for lunch. Hmmmm?

For information about participating cities, restaurants and this wonderful fundraiser visit the Dining Out for Life web site.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Oh my...

Lawd, have mercy!

Rumsfeld is gone! After years of dream-based whoop-ass and merciless correction…spankings upon spankings upon spankings, I tell you…it turns out that the people voting in record numbers did the deed.

Who knew?

On a much lighter note…
Go on with your bad self, Deval Patrick! A bitch was so involved in the battles here in Missouri that my ass didn’t learn that Massachusetts elected their first black Governor until this morning.

And a bitch is pleased to note that Mr. Patrick won with the endorsements of NARAL, NOW, Planned Parenthood and MassEquality PAC.

Fantabulous!

On a Pro-Choice note…
To my sisters and brothers in the struggle to protect choice in South Dakota…HELL YES!

Way to defend, y’all!

And on an Arizona specific note…
Congrats go out to Homer (wink) and his fellow Arizona residents for defeating the proposed marriage ban!

Whew!

This bitch plans to float on this wave of vote-based correction for the next 24 hours at least.

And then we, the people, have work to do. Our job doesn’t end at the vote, chil’ren…it begins. Promises were made and the responsibility of holding government accountable is ours.

So, let’s celebrate our victories and analyze our losses.

Go on and shake that groove thang! Mmmmmhmmm…get ig’nant up in this motherfucker!

Just don’t misplace that to-do list whilst celebrating.

We’ve only just begun to fight…

Shall we sing?

Hmmmm.

What on Earth should a bitch talk about today?

Pause.

Oh, that’s right!

Ahem.

Shall we sing?

A bitch is feeling rather disco again, chil'ren...

Swing voters were afraid
They were petrified
Kept thinking they could never live without Jim Talent by their side
But we spent so many nights explaining how he did them wrong
They grew strong
They learned how to carry on
So don’t come back!
Stay in outer space!
A bitch had better not walked in and have to look at your sorry assed face!
We need to change our stupid lock
You need to leave your fucking key
I’m going to do whatever possible to
Ensure you never bother me!

Go on now go
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt us with your fucked up neo-con lock step with Scooter votes

Pause.

You think we'd crumble
You think we'd lay down and die
Oh no, not the Show-Me State!
We will survive
As long as we know how to vote
I know we’ll stay alive
We've got all our lives to live
We've got all our votes to give
and we'll survive
We will survive

Shit.

Missouri is going to thrive (wink).

Congratulations Senator-Elect Claire McCaskill!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The Ms. SisterGirl Cabrio Voter Shuttle...

A bitch had to wait in line for 30 minutes to vote this morning and my ass couldn't be more thrilled!

Lawd, a bitch is all emotional...for real.

To the 9 first time voters I had the honor of driving to the polls this morning...go on with your bad selves! Thank you for leading by example, getting your suffrage on and making this bitch laugh and cry at the same time.

To my fellow volunteers, many of whom are still door knocking as I type, y'all are and forever will be the shit!

Vote chil'ren!

Make sure your friends, family, partner, mate, lover, bootie call, co-workers and neighbors are able to get to the polls.

Be the transportation, conversation or nudge that makes the vote a reality for someone today.

Mmmhmmm.

Fluff your afro...'cause you know you want to look cute now that CNN has planted themselves in the 'Lou for the long haul...freshen your lipstick, go forth and get your suffrage on!

This bitch and the Ms SisterGirl Cabrio Voter Shuttle are off to North City...

Monday, November 06, 2006

Duck Motherfucker Part II – The Quest for Jackalope!

A bitch just read this shit about how Vice President Cheney plans to spend Election Day.

While we the people are getting our vote on a certain Dickie C. will be getting his hunt on.

Pause.

Is it me or does this travel announcement read like a warning?

Blink.

Should any of you be wandering in South Dakota…and happen to hear someone yell “damn all of you…duuuuuuuuck motherfuckers!” or “Whoooweee! I’m gonna kill me a jackalope!”…ahem…a bitch cautions you to duck and I mean duck fast as hell.

A bitch can’t help but wonder who Dickie C. is taking with him.

Sigh.

Even this bitch’s thoughts and prayers go out to those poor unfortunate sorry assed minion-based targets…

Girl, get your suffrage on!

Let’s just jump right in, shall we?

Congratulations go out to the St. Louis HRC 2006 Gala Committee for a successful event! A bitch attended Saturday…wearing my new fashion forward eyewear, of course (wink)…and had a fantabulous time.

Girl, get your suffrage on!
Channeling vote-based energy to the music of Corinne Bailey Rae

To my sisters in the struggle…to the millions of American women between the ages of 18 and 34 who never miss an episode of Grey’s Anatomy but can’t get their happy asses to the polls to save their lives.

Mmmhmmm.

Girl, get your suffrage on!

If you think politics doesn’t have anything to do with you…if you think the only things on ballots are candidates and issues that don’t apply to you…you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Politics will jump yup and bite you in the ass when you least expect it. There are huge issues being discussed…stem cell research, tax increases that will impact how much your happy ass pays for all kinds of shit and a potential minimum wage increase that you need to voice your opinion on.

Voting shouldn’t have to be sexy for you to participate…it shouldn’t have to be marketed a special way or spun out via YouTube complete with focus group tested fruit flavors and a cool suitably trendy free music download.

Lawd give me strength!

American women got the vote in 1920…and women of color waited until 1965 for a federally protected vote.

Before that...less than 100 years ago in our nation’s history…public policy happened to us. And catch that knee before it jerks. Catch it! Take a walk through history before you start mouthing off about how shit happens to you now....you ain't seen shit compared to 1915.

Apathy is powerful...it has managed to accomplish what jail, fire hoses, police dogs and intimidation failed to.

Now is the time to shake it off, y'all!

Get your motherfucking vote on...or get out of my face.

Too many were denied and there is a reason they were denied…because the vote has power.

Never forget that. That is the reason The Man wants you apathetic, comfortably numb and blissfully ignorant.

Power.

And that is the reason lives were risked…lives were sacrificed…to gain the vote.

Power.

I really wish I could stop giving a shit. Lawd knows I’ve tried and failed.

This is my country too. I live here. My reasons for voting have names and faces…hopes and dreams…needs and wants that are directly tied to public policy and therefore to the vote.

So…

****shaking my groove thing to Ms. Bailey Rae****

This sister is going to go get my suffrage on…and then put my records on (wink).

It matters.

Now more than ever.

Fuck milk.

Got the vote?

Friday, November 03, 2006

Jesus Camp Part II – Rehab!

Could a high profile attempted degayification be next?

Gasp!

Shall we proceed?

This bitch was so disturbed by the movie Jesus Camp that my ass couldn’t really write about it.

A bitch took special note of a certain Pastor Haggard of Colorado Springs, who is the leader of the nation’s largest Evangelical organization. He is also a close advisor to President Bush and has the power to swing elections any way he wants to...he has the power…he’s in charge…he and his people.

How do I know all that?

Well, a certain braggadocious Pastor Haggard went on and on about himself, his power, his connections and his flock in the Jesus Camp movie. Ain’t no shame in his greed based game. All of which struck me as odd…’cause he and his were supposed to be all about Jesus.

Lawd.

Seemed to me that he was all about Haggard (wink), particularly when he encountered two of the chil’ren from the Jesus Camp who wanted to meet their idol….the same false idol who snickered and told them to keep “working that kid thing for as long as they can” when they asked for advice on preaching.

Yeah, he was that kind of asshole.

Apparently, even he thought he came off as an ass.

Now, Pastor Haggard has…well, been accused of having sex with a male escort but denies everything…ummm, well maybe he got a massage...fuck it, he’s willing to admit to being a meth addict. He denies having man on man sex with anyone.

Haggard has got to be hoping this shit spiral will end. Shit, he may even be praying for it to end.

The Bible says that vengeance is the Lord’s.

But schadenfreude?

Schadenfreudal joy is mine.

Mine all mine…

Phone Banking and the Modern Bitch…

Lawd, a bitch is tired and slightly illish. I’m loosing my voice a bit, because I’ve been phone banking like a mad woman to get out the vote. Right now I sound a wee bit Kathleen Turneresque. Cough drops are helping, but this bitch anticipates sounding like Henry Kissinger by Tuesday.

So, if you get a call from a female Kissinger Monday, it's me (wink).

Sigh.

Anyhoo…

This bitch actually enjoys phone banking. It used to really suck, but now that folks have caller identification they are less likely to pick up the line and go off.

No one wishes more than this bitch that my fellow citizens didn’t need a verbal nudge to get their asses to the polls. The fact of the matter is that people do need that nudge and many respond to it, thus volunteers like me get to spend evenings with the political faithful chatting away on the phone rather than snuggled up under flannel-based blankets whilst viewing PBS like my black ass prefers.

Even though I find the pick up to hang up bandits rude as hell, a bitch must admit that the most annoying thing about phone banking is the recording you get when you dial a wrong number.

Mmmhmmm.

This bitch can’t stand that shit! Some sick fuck decided that dialing a number wrong or not knowing a number has been disconnected should be rewarded with severe and wince inspiring ear pain!

Why is that chime sound from hell so fucking loud? If a bitch looses my hearing I’m going to sue…or hunt someone down.

And that heifer that comes on after the loud as hell chime…you know the one with the smug tone and perfect diction who gleefully says “We’re sorry! The number you have dialed has been disconnected and is no longer in service!”?

Yeah, you know the one.

She's not sorry...uh uh, she not sorry at all! That's the happiest sounding sorry person a bitch has ever heard!

This bitch wishes my ass had powers and could reach through the phone, disconnect that smug heifer from her power source (a bitch is certain she a robot of some sort) and put her ass permanently out of service!

Shit.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Aaaaahhhh, love to loathe you baby!

A bitch stumbled across the news that the reigning Mistress of Rancidity, Ann Counter, may face criminal charges for voting in the wrong precinct in Florida.

I am beyond confused.

Oh, not by the fact that she’s facing charges. Voting in the wrong precinct is a crime in Florida. In fact, someone with Coulter’s academic resume should know that.

No, this bitch was surprised by the apparent Nixonian texture of this fuck up.

Seriously!

Ann Coulter…the poster child for the modern American Puritanical revolution…the woman who has been prancing around for years starting and ending her arguments with how smart she is…Ms. Judgment herself is about to go down for voting in the wrong precinct.

Lawd, have mercy!

If Coulter can prove that she didn’t vote in the wrong precinct why not produce the proof and get this shit out of her wretched way?

If she can’t prove that she lives in the precinct she voted in…and a bitch is pretty sure that’ll be easier to prove than whether or not she’s human…then a crime has been committed and a crime is a crime is a crime according to Puritanical doctrine. It simply doesn’t matter whether she intended to fuck up or not.

How the hell do you accidentally vote in the wrong precinct anyway? A bitch already has my voter card, which tells my ass to go forth and vote where my happy ass always votes. Did Coulter not register again when she moved?

Naughty heifer!

I understand that Coulter probably doesn’t spend a lot of time in Florida…too busy kicking puppies and making toddlers cry…but that isn’t an excuse for wandering to the wrong precinct rather than correcting an address issue at your correct precinct either.

Mercy.

She is a long serving loyal minion, however.

Sigh.

A bitch’s schadenfreudal joy is on hold for now…

Día de los Muertos...


Today is Día de los Muertos, or the Day of the Dead!

A bitch fell in love with this holiday whilst living in Texas…along with the word muertos, but that’s another post altogether.

Today a bitch shall honor and celebrate the lives of the deceased and the cycle of life…

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

For the love of all that is holy!

A bitch woke up unable to completely remember my dream from last night.

It’s rather foggish, but a bitch recalls the fierce dream-based correction of a certain Senator Kerry…which involved, among other things, him writing I Will Not Talk Crazy on an enormous chalkboard non-stop for the next …what is it, 6 days?

Lawd, have mercy!

It doesn’t matter what he meant to say…since we are now shoveling out from what he did say…and this bitch thought what he did say was rather insulting my own self.

A bitch thinks he should be taken away…far away…waaaaaay far away...PLEASE...since he still has some inner work to do when it comes to accepting the reality that 2008 is not gonna be his year.

Mercy.

I’m surviving this unfortunate media moment with the following mental picture…

Senator Kerry, bedecked in boxing gear with a microphone swinging above him whilst he shadow boxes…ummm...well, the shadowfied demons of previous election verbal fumbletastic event-like happenings.

Ahem.

Kerry grabs the microphone and attempts to channel LL Cool J…

Dont call it a comeback
I been here for years
Annoying my peers and puttin undecides in fear

Sighing hard...