Friday, September 29, 2006

Scooter Montana - A bitch's dream from last night...

A bitch had the strangest dream last night!

This bitch thinks it resulted from the combination of eating tater tots right before bed and reading this post at Pop Culture Junkies.

What?

A bitch adores tots!

I can’t recall the entire dream, but it involved President Bush (Scooter B. to this bitch) in the role of Tony Montana from Scarface. Scooter Montana (wink) was hovering over a mound of...well, umm ***cough***.

Anyhoo…

Scooter Montana, having been abandoned by everyone but Laura and his dawg Barney, was hold up in the Oval whilst his enemies descended to take him away...far away...away, away and away.

Sigh.

Yeah.

Then…and this was weird…the dream fast-forwarded to Scooter Montana at a balcony holding up Barney the dawg like a machine gun while screaming “Say hello to my little friend, motherfuckers!”.

Mercy!

The whole thing ended with Barney the dawg panting “Give me FREE!”…biting Scooter Montana viciously in the arm and then peeing on Donald Rumsfeld’s feet.

And then a bitch woke up.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

25 million reasons to be alive?

Whilst fluffing my afro this morning a bitch overheard the news of a certain Terrell Owens and his alleged suicide attempt.

Terrell Owens, who plays football for the Dallas Cowboys, may or may not have tried to kill himself yesterday. He says he didn’t…the Dallas Police are currently incoherent on the matter…but Terrell held a press conference to deny it and his denial was then backed up by his representative’s statement.

“Terrell has 25 million reasons why he should be alive.".

Which caused this bitch to pause mid afro fluff and hit rewind followed by play…twice.

$25 million reasons to be alive.

$25 million reasons to be.

I must have watched that shit 20 times.

For real...a bitch was late to work!

It really disturbed me…which was disturbing on its own, since a bitch couldn’t pick Terrell Owens out of a line-up.

$25 million reasons to get up in the morning?

To not kill yourself?

It just doesn’t work that way.

If it did, a lot of rich people wouldn’t be dead.

I finished getting dressed and that press conference kept spinning around in my mind.

It was both illuminating and so very sad...I feel as if I’m in mourning for something.

Something about watching a room full of reporters shoot questions at a man who may or may not have tried to kill himself less that 24 hours ago…and then watching it wrap up with his public relations rep saying he has $25 million reasons why he should be alive felt wrong.

Sigh.

Mayhap this way of thinking is the new norm in a world where churches preach the gospel of greed and the faithful worship material things?

If Terrell Owens isn’t happy with $25 million dollars then what does that say about us regular folks?

If money and the things it can buy isn’t what gets his ass up in the morning what does?

Which brings me back to 25 million reasons to be alive.

In this new normal...where greed is good and wealth is the reward for the prayerful...$25 million dollars equals 25 million reasons to be alive.

Oh mercy, mercy me...things sure as shit ain't what they used to be.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Happiness and joy...

A bitch has finally finished writing an essay that was giving me fits.

Happy, happy, happy...followed by joy, joy and joy!

At least until the edits come back...

Fuck it.

Happiness and joy!

Bitchitude shall return tomorrow...

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Fall in the land of bitchitude...


If you find yourself in need of some comic relief, a bitch recommends setting aside your TiVo and watching the deluge of political ads currently holding court in primetime!

Lawd have mercy, they’re better than the actual fall lineup!

I was just chatting with Brother Rob Thurman about my favorite one…the THESE PEOPLE WANT TO KILL YOU fear-based political ad running on NBC like it’s about to go out of style.

Great voice-over, by the way…very Freddy Krueger with a dash of my 10th grade English teacher (a total freak, trust a bitch).

Confession – a bitch TiVoed some piece of shit show on NBC just to capture that commercial.

Fantastical manipulation!

Bravo!

Although…and I hesitate to even go here, but fuck it…the ad is a touch…ummm, how should I say this?

Well, it’s over the top scary.

Not…oh, shit I’d better not change horses in mid-stream scary.

More…fuck voting, I’m going to stay in the bunker until the nuclear cloud clears and watch Regis scary.

Just some feedback from a fan of the political horror commercial genre.

Anyhoo...

Fall is my favorite time of year.

A bitch adores the colorful foliage…the brisk chill in the morning air…and the ability to drive with the Cabrio’s top down and not bake in the heat.

Sigh.

This morning a fully recovered and finished with her rotation of meds Betsey the sorta-beagle and this bitch went for a walk.

She with her nose to the ground like a true beagle hound…me taking in the sights and sounds of the ‘hood.

The crunch of leaves…the far away bark of a heated dawg debate the next street over…and the laughter of chil’ren as they dashed by in a rush to catch the school bus pulling up to the corner.

And then a cat cut across the street in front of us…Betsey the sorta-beagle lurched forward like a possessed canine beast from hell…and a bitch found myself being dragged down the street while slipping on all the fucking wet leaves littering the walk.

Oh yes, fall is upon us in the land of bitchitude…

Monday, September 25, 2006

An Update on the Tunstall tragedy...

As we all struggle to come to terms with the tragic Tunstall family murders, we must come together as a community to help this family address their immediate needs.

The family is struggling to cover funeral costs.

A trust fund has been set up and donations may be made at any Regions Bank location.

Funeral services will be held Friday September 29 at noon at Mt. Pisgah Missionary Baptist Church 1111 Pennsylvania Ave in East St.Louis.

Burial will take place immediately following at Sunset Gardens of Memory in Millstadt.

Uninvited...

Okay...okay, that meeting between Clinton and liberal bloggers...the one that went down in Harlem and yet somehow managed to achieve a level of non-blackness unseen in that 'hood since The Cotton Club closed...pissed me off too.

***cough***

This bitch was please to see this issue properly addressed by my fellow bloggers of color and had almost let it go and put is down as another display of liberals behaving badly...until it all came rushing back at me Sunday during Howie Kurtz's how on CNN Reliable Sources.

Howie, honey! A bitch was beyond disappointed that you failed to address this angle when John Aravosis from Americablog.com (who was at the meeting) was on your show yesterday.

Call a bitch. We need to talk!

Listening to Aravosis discuss his "half-swoon" over meeting Clinton made it clear that my issue with the Great Cotton Club Revival-Blogger Meeting of 2006 was that I was denied the access Mr. Americablog was given...denied and therefore taken for granted.

Since this incident made my afro hurt...and Howie didn't go there for me yesterday...a bitch is going to vent a wee bit.

Dear organizers of the blogger meeting with President Clinton,
Thanks so much for asking for my perspective at the recent meeting of leftish bloggers! This bitch can't tell you how heart warming it is to know that, when a meeting happens between liberal bloggers and a former president in Harlem, black feminist voices are always on the invite list!

Wow!

Way to demonstrate that you get it!

This bitch hopes that this meeting can be part of the process of rebuilding the relationship with voting blacks that has been damaged by the liberal assumption that our votes are a given.

Sigh.

Yeah...that would have been nice.

However...

If a meeting of liberal bloggers happens in Harlem without minority participation...did it really happen?

***cough***

What?

Fuck this shit!

The sad fact is that I'm used to having my say from outside the meeting...down the street and around the corner.

Did I hear an amen?

That's why a bitch is so loud.

Anyhoo...

What would this bitch have asked had I been invited?

Hmmm.

Dear y'all,
Many of us feel that we have been ignored and taken for granted.

Do you feel that the liberal establishment is aware of minority voter apathy and concerned about the lack of black participation in the political process?

Oh, wait...y'all answered that one...

Saturday, September 23, 2006

By Request - A Dollbaby Recap...

A few of you wanted some follow-up regarding this bitch and my appointment with a group of dolls.

No, not those dolls (wink).

Dollbabies!

A lot of dollbabies...trust a bitch.

As this bitch mentioned in an earlier post, my attendance was requested...well, demanded...by a certain sassified 5 year old at her family's going away/movin' on up party.

And I just returned...full of cake and all kissed out.

Due to confidentiality, I am unable to share pictures of the attendees.

But yes, a bitch kissed all of M's dollbabies...twice. And then my ass had to kiss all the other children's dollbabies to prevent a full out doll-based war.

Mercy!

Cake was consumed..songs were sung...and laughter was shared.

Moments like that are just one of the reasons I volunteer there...and the chocolate fudge cake with marshmallow frosting is another.

Fantabulous!

Updated - Have You Seen These Children?

I am so very sorry to report that these babies have been found dead in East St. Louis.

If you pray, pray for these children...pray for their families...and pray for our community.


May they be blessed, for we are all worthy....

Friday, September 22, 2006

Hold please...

This bitch is finishing up some edits to a certain essay my ass was dumb enough to agree to write and now can’t seem to finish…hello, drama and welcome to the pity party…so bitchitude shall be a wee bit delayed today.

There’s a vodka cran at the end of this project with Shark-fu written all over it…

Toodles for now!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

What’s in a name? A Bitch's Sermon…

A bitch read this article on the ABC News.com website and had to take a walk…a long walk…a 'gather my thoughts' and 'calm thyself down' walk around the corner and down the street.

The article, written by John Stossel and Kristina Kendall, is about the negative impact a person’s name has on their life. In short, Shanique will have a more difficult time getting hired than Anne.

Oh, and Shanique will also have a hard time getting married because of her name.

Gasp!

Now, John Stossel is an asshole. I don’t know Kristina Kendall and I really don’t give a shit if she is a woman of color or not. A bitch suspects that she is. Slapping a sister on the byline of an insulting piece of throw back call for conformity to make The Man feel better about you being ethnic article is on page 2 of the How to Cover Your Ass While Baiting for Ratings handbook.

I set this shit aside yesterday and slept on it. And when I woke up, a bitch felt the need to preach.

My blog = my pulpit.

Ahem.

Flock of bitchitude (wink),

The world is round…not everyone is “just like you”…and “different” names are only "bad" names when being different means being wrong.

When these assholes refer to a name as “bad” they assume that traditional white American names are “good”.

It also assumes that traditional white American names are better, more acceptable and what we brown people should strive towards.

That, my brothers and sisters, is bullshit.

And this bitch doesn't even like a lot of new names...and this is still bullshit.

The surface of the argument is that being something other than white is a mistake for you…and you will be punished for it…and that punishment is logical and therefore acceptable.

Obviously we brown folks can’t undo our 'mark of birth'…but how we manifest it is ours to control!

Hence the name game…which is really the blame game…which is also an attempt to absolve the masses for denying someone a motherfucking job interview because of their race and/or cultural background, which those ethnic others had the audacity to indicate through the use of their “bad” names.

Beneath the scab is the tired ass infection of bigotry….the language of don’t be so different…don’t be so Black/Jewish/Irish/Hispanic/Native American/Asian/Middle Eastern…and don’t expect to go far if you are.

This is not news.

This is propaganda.

It instructs minorities to conform with the promise of a better life…and “easier road”…oh, and marriage! This instruction comes with the undercurrent of punishment for choosing not to conform…the implied threat of denial, suffering and stigma.

Flock, this is a dangerous road to turn onto…it takes us backward in time…and “bad names” is just the first exit on the Highway to 1954. Other exits include, “bad hair”…"dark as a negative thing”…and “minority as less than and unworthy of respect”.

Trust me, faithful…it may seem subtle but, much like a silent fart, it still stinks up the room! It screams for Shanique's parents to be a “good girl and boy” and “tone it down” and she'll “go further” in the company and get married.

Bullshit!

Bullshit, bullshit...oh, mercy, mercy me...that is BULLSHIT!

A bitch will be a witness, chil’ren!

Don’t waste your time…you will still be what God made you. The only decision to make is whether to be ashamed of that or celebrate it.

I have straightened my hair…avoided the sun...my voice has been de-Southerned…my educational background is devoid of racial assumptions…my work background was, up until my present job, mainstream as a motherfucker.

And a bitch was then what I am today…a black woman trying to live this thing called life in America.

Nappy headed or straightened…skinny or fat…passive or aggressive...I can only be as Black as the day Gawd gave me life.

And through it all I have been denied, insulted, stereotyped and discriminated against so often that I don’t even address all of it...every time...every insult, snub or assumption.

Who the fuck has time?

So, if there’s some side benefit to having a “good” name this black bitch has yet to receive it.

For the record...a bitch doesn’t need permission, tolerance or acceptance to celebrate the wonderful diversity that is me.

Empowerment gave me that.

You feel me?

Fuck you if it intimidates you...if you anticipated gratitude...if you prefer submission...if you are more comfortable with Toby.

Yeah...fuck you.

I stopped trying to put The Man at ease years ago.

And that’s what it comes down to, isn’t it? Empowered difference is threatening…somehow it feels judgmental to those in power. The conversation about Shanique having a “bad name” is really about Anne not being a desired name for everyone birthing babies in America today.

This bitch mailed my personal testimony of fully realized empowered and not desperate to get married Black female bitchitude to those motherfuckers at ABC News this morning.

Oh, and my first name is Pamela.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The Big Read – Featuring Joe Miller author of Cross-X…

Save the date, damnit!

October 7, 2006 for The Big Read event in Clayton!

A certain Joe Miller of Kansas City Soil will be there at Author Tent C from 5pm-6pm with his fantabulous book Cross-X.

A bitch read Cross-X...thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish...and encourage y'all to do the same.

Oh, and a bunch of other writers will also be at The Big Read too.

Anyhoo...

So, save the date…show up and support a fellow blogger’s first book…and have a ton of literary fun!

The Big Read presented by Centene Corporation
Featuring Joe Miller with Cross-X
October 7, 2006
Admission is free and open to the public!

Oh, and if you don’t happen to live in St. Louis…

Joe Miller’s Cross-X Tour Schedule of Events
October 11
Hue-Man Bookstore
Harlem, NY

October 19
Seattle Asian Art Museum
(Benefit for Seattle Debate Foundation)

October 25
The Raven
Lawrence, KS

October 26
Prairie Lights
Iowa City

November 1
Tattered Cover
Denver

November 7
Unity Temple / Rainy Day Books
Kansas City

November 15 & 16
UofL Malcolm X Debate Program & Carmichael's Bookstore
Louisville, KY

And God said let there be bling?

We’re jumping right in today, chil'ren...

A bitch was at the grocery store yesterday taking care of my food-based bitness. While waiting to check out, my ass scanned the display of magazines decorating the aisle.

A bitch's mind wandered a wee bit...

Blah, blah…is Martha Stewart trying to stress a bitch out or is it time for Halloween already?... blah, blah…is it me, or does John Mayer look like Tommy Gnosis?...and more blah followed by fall fashion blah blah followed by bullshit and ending with….

Does God Want You to Be Rich?

What the fuck?

The cover of Time Magazine questioned whether God wants folks to be rich. The story is apparently about the gospel of wealth and the growing theology of greed not being such a bad thing.

This bitch reads Newsweek, so that shit stayed on the shelf.

But the topic of mega-church preachers evangelizing the gospel according to Gordon Gekko?

Now that’s a very interesting topic...

This bitch grew up in a traditional Missionary Baptist Church. It was predominately black…the congregation was of varying levels of wealth...and the Pastor often had to address the issue of greed versus need versus faith in action.

And I recall that at the end of each service…every Sunday…the congregation sang a song that seemed to send us off in the spirit of giving rather than taking.

As you go, show the world and as you go, tell the world.

I was raised to understand that not everyone believes in God…and that a lot of people don’t believe in God because God’s chil’ren are the worst advertisement for a life of faith ever unleashed on the world.

I don’t know if God wants folks to be rich. This bitch chats with her all the time, but we don’t talk about shit like that.

But I do feel a call to stand up against injustice and hatred…to welcome those in need into my life and offer them what I am able to…to embrace the ill as I was once embraced…to help my neighbor without the expectation that she will help me…to participate in my community and not sit back bitching about it from afar as if I don’t live here too.

And somehow I find myself asking…what definition of rich are we using?

As you go, show the world…

Rich in friends…in love…in peace…in family…in knowledge…in laughter…or in bling?

And as you go, tell the world…

About God?

Or about the transformative power of material things?

And the church said show me the money...

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Found!

And for this joyous news we are all grateful...

....may the Divine One grant peace , understanding and healing.

Empowerment is...

A bitch just has to share a conversation my ass had this morning on the way to work.

As I turned onto Kingshighway my phone rang and the number of a shelter I volunteer at popped up. They never call me unless they are in need of emergency coverage or babysitting, so I picked it up.

ABB… "Hello?”

There was a long pause and a bitch was about the hang up when a child’s voice came through the other end.

“Miz P?”

My mind scrambled to place the voice with one of the youngsters at the shelter... "Ummm, yes?”

“Where you been?!?”…
the pout came through loud and clear across the phone.

“M?” I asked, finally recognizing the voice as one of the sassy 5 year olds residing with her mother and infant sibling at the shelter.

“Where you been?” M demanded again.

“Oh, honey…I’ve been working and had to miss the last class. Did you miss me?”

“Yes.”

Is something wrong? Are you okay?”

“No.”

“No, nothing is wrong or no you’re not okay?”

She giggled… "I’m okay. You silly!” She paused and then said “We’re moving and you need to say bye-bye!”

Ah!

“When are you moving, M?” I asked, careful to keep my voice bright.

“Saturday! My mommy got a house and I have my own room for just me and my doll-babies! Are you going to say bye ‘fore we go? Are you going to come say bye-bye to me and the doll-babies too?”

Sigh.

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Huh?” she shot back.

“I’ll be there!” I said, pretending to be exasperated.

“Good.” She said and then, in the way of five year olds using the phone to talk to grown people, hung up smartly in my face.

I had arrived at my office and sat in my car mentally running that conversation back…a little sad to hear one of my favorite families was leaving and thrilled for them at the same time.

Celebrating her sobriety one day at a time, M’s mother is working and building a career…she is the mother of two…and she is moving her family into a home of their own Saturday.

Go on with your bad self…GO ON!

Let’s just hope a bitch doesn’t have to hug all the doll-babies.

Mercy.

Empowerment is the gift that keeps on giving...

Monday, September 18, 2006

Dawg drama...

Tuesday Morning Update on that sick ass sorta-beagle...

Miss Betsey the sorta-beagle is feeling much better. She thinks that this bitch wants to kill her, though...because I have the task of giving that reluctant hound her meds twice a day.

Lawd, you'd think that dawg could show some love...as much money as those pills cost my broke ass.

Sigh.

Anyhoo, she looks to be on the mend.

Thanks for the well wishes!

Bitchitude shall return this afternoon...

Toodles for now!

This bitch spent the evening with a rather ill dawg. Betsey the sorta-beagle is ill in the traditional manner of dawgs…poo and puke in abundance.

A bitch didn’t catch a wink of sleep!

Drama.

Anyhoo, the lab results just came back on the “sample” this bitch dropped off at the vet this morning.

Mercy!

A bitch doesn’t know what’s more fucked up….driving dawg shit to the vet on your way to work…having a 15 minute conversation about dawg shit with the vet tech…or waiting anxiously for news of your dawg’s shit.

Ugh.

Betsey the sorta-beagle has a bacterial something or other. The vet said she’ll be fine, but a bitch needs to take her in for hydration and so forth.

Sigh.

Bitchitude is on hold whilst I nurse the sorta-beagle…

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Amber Alert - Abigale Lynn Woods


Please take a moment to read this Amber Alert about a newborn taken from her mother here in Missouri.

Abigale Lynn is just 8 days old.

The phone number for tips is 888-265-8639.

Thank you.

16 De Septiembre!

On this day in 1810, the Mexican War for Independence began.

This bitch is going to get my fiesta on in solidarity...

Friday, September 15, 2006

Friday briefitude...

A bitch’s allergies are out of control.

Let there be Winter on Earth and let it begin with Missouri!

Anyhoo…

A certain someone dropped by the office to deliver multitudes of Smarties to a bitch.

Happiness and joy!

Thanks and hugs.

This bitch will see you Sunday for smothered yumminess!

Briefly…

This bitch has received too many e-mails to count regarding Survivor - Little Rock 1957.

I don’t watch Survivor…I didn’t watch before…and a bitch shall not watch now.

Addictions come in many forms…and the addicted often find themselves participating in acts that they never dreamed of participating in. And so we have greed and the quest for faux fame. The fact that there are individuals willing to participate in a degrading spectacle does not absolve the event in any way shape or form.

At any given time someone, somewhere is willing to do the unthinkable for something.

A bitch finds it fascinating to observe from afar…the attempts to defend…the gleeful anticipation of racist groups…the scrambling of the network to make this not their problem…the arrogant disregard of some…the absolute shocked horror of others.

At a certain point the concern is no longer about the show or its participants...at that point it comes back to what we as individuals consider entertainment and what that says about us.

Survivor – Little Rock 1957 does not warrant deep study, but the ratings and public reaction will be another matter altogether.

Which makes me think of the poetry of Robert Frost…

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

Toodles until tomorrow…

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Remembering Ann Richards...

Former Gov. Ann Richards died last night at the age of 73.

She was a blessing and a joy. I had the honor of living in Texas during her final year in office and of meeting her briefly years later.

Fantabulous doesn't come close...

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Superstition ain't the way...

A bitch caught The Daily Show last night and it was a joy!

But no…a bitch did not catch Tucker Carlson on Dancing with the Whatitsfaces.

Y’all know a bitch doesn’t watch that stuff! Next time call my ass when someone loathsome is fixing to embarrass themselves.

Shit.

Good Morning America showed a clip of Tuck (we’re not close, but he just looks like a Tuck to me) and…well, where to start?

Mercy.

Mayhap they so feared his lack of rhythm that they decided to sit him down in hopes of preventing…oh, who gives a fuck.

Moving forward…

A bitch’s television viewage is now lousy with political commercials. They’re unavoidable! And they’ve popped up on the fucking radio too.

Fuck it all.

Folks that know this bitch are aware of my fondness for advertising (wink), but daaaaaammmmnnn!

This bitch was driving along after lunch today…grooving to Stevie Wonder’s Very Supersticious, which was playing loud as hell in my Cabrio…and that shit made me think.

When you believe in things that you don’t understand, then you suffer.

Lawd, ain’t that the truth?

It made me ponder political advertising like the radio ad for Jim Talent that my ass keeps hearing. You know, the one with the overly grateful sister showering Talent with praise for his support of that Sickle Cell treatment center initiative?

This bitch is beginning to think the commercial isn’t the problem…rather, the problem is the audience that shit resonates with.

When I first heard the spot I was disgusted. All that he’s a good man, such a good man, a really good man and my massa is a good massa and ain’t no massa like mine so why you want to go talking trash about him bullshit just settled wrong.

Alright.

Clearly a bitch still hates that fucking radio spot.

Color me critical.

Anyhoo…

The lousy assed and completely lacking in substance we don’t do black advertising but our back is to the fucking wall if the polls are to be believed feel of the spot really isn’t the issue.

The fact is the spot will work for some people…and that’s the point of concern.

Because we often believe in things we don’t understand…and we fucking suffer for it.

A bitch regularly volunteers in voter education and let me tell you…the masses are suffering from a severe lack of knowledge.

The removal of civics from the classroom was a bloody disaster for some and the political gold mine of the century for others.

And the belief in shit that you don’t understand is not limited by race, class, gender or location…and neither is the suffering that results.

If you have no understanding of how government is supposed to work you will have no fucking idea whether it is working right.

If you do not understanding your rights as a voter you can be denied them and never even know it.

If you have no idea who the fuck Jim Talent is…what his voting record is…what his attendance record is…what role he played in the good, the bad or the ugly bitness of the Senate…how the hell can you make an educated decision?

And yes…catch your knee before it jerks...the same goes for the other side of the aisle.

Because when you believe in things that you don’t understand…oh hell yes, you will suffer.

You can’t make an educated decision…you have to step out on faith…and those commercials full of vague statements and lacking in substance are for you.

A bitch can hardly imagine it…must be like voting in a haze.

For the love of all that is holy, ask questions…demand answers…have expectations…and hold people accountable.

That’s the job of the citizen voter...not elected officials and party leaders.

Mayhap a majority of educated voters is the cure for the political advertising currently making a bitch illish!

Hope springs eternal…

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Take some action...






NARAL Pro-Choice America has a cool plan to win back a pro-choice Congress!

A bitch thought y’all might want to check their site out here…and make sure you check out the Amber and Jen Project at You Tube too!

This bitch just adores voting my values...

To be determined…

A bitch settled in to watch the Presidential address last night…Betsey the sorta-beagle by my side and a truly exceptional vodka cran in my hand.

Scooter B. jumped right on in as usual.

He’s not one to indulge in a Reagan-esque emotion building pre-speech allow me to gather my thoughts pause.

The speech was rather passionate on the Bush scale of verbal passion.

You can read the full transcript here.

And yes, I needed the Excedrin.

But a bitch’s headache was not from vodka based overindulgence or from simply hearing Scooter B.’s rundown of lessons learned and missions accomplished.

It had been building all day…a slow vicious throbbing beneath the scull so present within me that a bitch was certain my ass could feel the physical pulse of it by simply touching finger to flesh.

Thump…followed by thump…pulse…always followed by wretched pulse…and it grew and grew until my mind gave birth to it…right behind my eyes…during that speech.

“The war against this enemy is more than a military conflict. It is the decisive ideological struggle of the 21st century and the calling of our generation.”

Yes, there is a decisive ideological struggle going on here in America too.

And that domestic struggle is married to the struggle abroad.

Warring factions are debating the post-September 11 definition of America… give me liberty or give me death is doing battle with the one percent doctrine…and this battle rages without the participation of most Americans.

It is easy to loose sight of the ideological struggle in the face of pain and loss.

But it made my head ache last night…took my breath away.

Are we the aspirational society betting it all on a Pax Americana?

September 11, 2001 changed the way we look at the world…what we wanted the world to see when it looks at us…and what we want to see gaze back at us in mirrored reflection.

The details?

To be determined…

Monday, September 11, 2006

Lists and such...

I’m going to observe rather than participating in the September 11 remembrances today...and keep my thoughts and memories to myself. There have been some amazing posts today, though...some very powerful stuff.

However, a bitch still plans to tune in and watch Scooter B’s address to the nation tonight.

Thus, a plan-like thing is required.

Ahem.

ABB’s list of needed things…
Vodka…preferably Swedish

Cran…actually, grape cran is the cran of the moment

Ice in cube form…ummm, for the drinks

A shot glass…ummm, for the shots

Lots of water…because this bitch has to go to work tomorrow

Multitudes of Excedrin…because this speech is guaranteed to give me a headache, whether my ass has been drinking or not.

A legal pad…to jot down all manner of shit.

A sorta-beagle…to snore loudly beside a bitch and remind me that all is not rancid in the world.

Pause…and review.

Oh shit!

TiVo…because it is worthy of adoration and absolutely required for specificity and accurate bitchitude!

ABB’s scorecard/guide for consumption…
Note – due to the anticipation of numerous September 11 references, the 1 shot per reference rule has been suspended.

Oh, and don’t drink and drive either…for the love of all that is lovable.

Exception to the note…the 1 shot per September 11 reference as justification for expanding Presidential powers on a scale that would have made Nixon orgasm for a solid non-stop hour (sorry about that visual, chil'ren) rule still applies.

Sweaty upper lip – 3 sips of vodka cran

Fidgety behavior due to odd sensation of wearing “grown people clothing” and/or gas – 1 sip of vodka cran

Cocking of the presidential noggin to the side and/or snortage through one nostril to…ummm, clear the pipes of The Decider and Chief – 2 sips of vodka cran

And this bitch plans to consume a pre-speech meal or things could get a wee bit crazy up in my living area tonight…

Toodles for now.

Friday, September 08, 2006

A dream-based correction...

Scooter B. will address the nation Monday evening. Regular readers know that this bitch provides recaps of Presidential speech-like mutterings and that tradition will continue next week.

Obviously the regular drinking game will not apply.

What?

As if you’ve never done the 1 shot per 'nuclear' game.

Yeah…right…anyhoo…

Scooter B. is going to make a lot of September 11 references since this speech in taking place September 11, 2006 and will most likely be another disturbingly obvious manipulation of that national tragedy to garner terror induced support for the war against…well, terror.

So, a bitch is going to work up a different version of the drinking game for Monday.

Lawd knows we don’t want folks getting illish on vodka crans…on a Monday (wink).

Moving forward…

This bitch slept like a baby yesterday evening, but only after some dream-based correction.

Last night, while this bitch was flogging Pat Buchanan’s fleshy ass...

Pause.

What?

Oh.

Warning - This bitch indulges in the dream-based correction of ignorant motherfuckers. These corrections involve the merciless rod of correction…some flogging…a bitch looking fine as hell…the bejeweled thrown of bitchitude…and whoever my happy ass feels like beating senseless in my dreams.

Where was a bitch?

Yes…beating the bigot out of Pat Buchanan.

Having Pat Buchanan pop into my dream…bare assed, tied limbs extended while facing the wall of shame and sobbing like the knavish rotten assed wretched spawn of evil that he is…well, it was surprising.

A bitch hasn’t had to correct Pat in a month of Sundays.

Gawd, I thought as I switched from his left ass cheek to the right one, a bitch would have sworn I cast this sorry assed motherfucker to Hades. And now he’s back…from outer space…with that rancid rotting from within look upon his face...and a new book of evil to pimp.

I paused in my efforts and sat upon my thrown to gaze upon Buchanan quizzically.

“What the fuck is going on, fiend?” A bitch questioned. “You were cast out and the circle was closed. What wicked wind brought your foul presence back from hell?”

He sobbed, snot pouring copiously from his nose.

“Cease crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!”

“Yes.” He softly replied.

“Yes what?” Tossed back this bitch.

“Yes Devine Mistress of Bitchitude and all things accurate.”

“Better. Now answer my question!”

“Mistress, you did cast me out and the circle was closed. But the immigration debate slashed a wound in the fabric of this world. All that anti-brown rhetoric was powerful! I saw the opening and stepped through it.” His voice took on a gleeful tone. “Now is the time for Americans to recognize that our nation is meant to be 90 % white and those brown invaders are planning to take us over by attacking from the South and…”

Buchanan cried out in fear as a bitch rose from my thrown.

“Shut up, motherfucker. Lawd, that shit is so played out.” a bitch sighed. “Okay, I just don’t have the energy to flog you anymore. You’re beyond correction anyway.”

“You’re going to kill me!” Buchanan sobbed.

“Gawd, you are one scared motherfucker. Kill you? I think not.” A bitch replied. “No. I’m going to cast thee back in time.”

“What? Back in time?” Buchanan’s eyes went wild. “Yes! Cast me back in time! Yes! Back to when white men of power ruled!”

A bitch’s lips (painted to perfection in MAC Underworld) curved as I prepared the circle and then, raising my arms above my head, this bitch cast Pat Buchanan back in time!

Back to 1783…when America was young and white men who owned land held power…and other men, like new arrival Pat Buchanan, worked off their indentured servitude as immigrants of a different sort altogether.

“Feel the love yet, Pat?” this bitch whispered softly and slipped further into the peaceful slumber of post-correction bliss.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Some thoughts on Katie...

This bitch had a fantabulous evening of feastitude in support of Taste for Tunes at Atomic Cowboy!

Congratulations to KDHX and everyone involved with Taste for Tunes.

On a gratitude-based note…
This bitch would like to say a special thank you to a certain HW for taking the time to listen to my troubles and then break shit down until it was forever broke.

You are the shit, girl!

Thank you for telling the story of my life to me (wink).

My mind is clear and my soul is at peace.

Moving forward…


Long time readers know that this bitch has no love for Katie Couric. And no, a bitch is not going to jump on the ‘but this was a huge monumental moment for all women’ wagon.

Katie Couric taking over the anchor chair…solo…made history.

But not the kind of history a bitch is going to jump up and do a dance about.

Rather, Katie Couric’s debut and the media frenzy that surrounded it was far from reason to celebrate.

Other countries have elected women heads of state, for the love of all that’s holy!

And we’re getting all worked up over a woman reading the sorta-news at 5:30 pm CST.

Lawd, give me strength.

The sad thing is that this is huge for America. A woman’s voice…even one as annoying as Couric’s…delivering the sorta-truth to the 25 people still watching the news at 5:30pm was one small step for womankind and one giant leap for the network trailing in 3rd place while still trying to recover for a reporting scandal.

So, where is the story about this story about the news as the story?

Is it that Katie is heading a network news show? Or could it be that many still considered appointing a woman to head the network news show a risky move? Or could it be that millions of viewers who have never watched the news turned in and held their breath as if frogs would start raining from the heavens the second Katie opened her mouth?

Our reaction to this shit highlights just how fucking backward we are…how resistant to change American society is… and how deluded to reality the masses are.

A bitch dislikes Katie Couric. But that heifer deserves the anchor chair as much, if not more so, than Brian Williams and what’s his face over at ABC.

The news is not that she got the nod…not that we’ve come a long way, BabySugarHoneyDarling.

The news is that we’ve still got miles upon miles upon miles to go.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Quickly...

This bitch had lunch at The Royale. A certain Pampered Queer joined me and we both had the pleasure of meeting the fantabulous Pub Def!

One KDHX Taste for Tunes food-based fundraiser down…one more to go!

Anyhoo…

Despite an enjoyable lunch and the fantabulous company, this bitch is still in a foul mood.

Too foul, it seems, for bitchitude.

I know...shocking but true.

Mayhap an evening with friends at Atomic Cowboy will help.

Or it may be time for the return of the merciless rod of correction…

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Just a quick reminder...

It seems that a certain President Scooter B. wants to remind this nation that we are at war.

This bitch couldn’t help but ponder just who he was trying to convince. My ass can almost see him chanting in front of a mirror…I will win a war today; I will win a war today.

What?

Well shit, the fact that we are at war isn’t exactly news to most of the folks I know. And for the few folks who are unaware there’s always CNN’s latest programming nightmare This Week in War.

Yeah, something about that fixed timeslot makes this bitch think CNN knows something the masses have yet to be told.

Anyhoo…

Scooter B. wants Americans to know that we are at war and we’re fighting the terrorists and that our eyes are playing tricks on us and we must stay the course even though we’re running in a circle and that there are hundreds of thousands of fabillion trillion pro-fascist card carrying anti-American Americans lurking behind every tree and corner…and blah followed by blah followed by blah, blah and blah.

In conclusion – embrace fear…duck and cover…and fantasize about a kinder gentler tomorrow being denied you by the freedom hating, ever changing and politically beneficial thus conveniently resurrected every election cycle enemy of all born again, man on woman married, Christian Gawd fearing and flag waving Americans.

McCarthy would be so proud.

Next time they should just let Scooter B. go on vacation and run the file footage.

And Scooter B. clearly needs to dust off his minions and send them forth to baptize the formerly faithful again because Pakistan just tossed up their fair weather ally hands, said a collective 'fuck this shit' to the war on terror and struck a deal with tribal militants…again.

Sounds like Pakistan went off script…big time.

The deal?

Pakistan has agreed to stop monitoring the activities of militants.

The militants have agreed to “live like good citizens”.

Where’s a banner and an aircraft carrier when you need one…

Taste for Tunes...


Lunch and dinner are covered for Wednesday September 6th, chil'ren!

This bitch is eating for a cause by participating in the Taste for Tunes fundraiser to benefit KDHX.

A bitch will finally get to meet the famous Pub Def, who is hosting lunch at The Royale.

And to top it off, His Pontifical Greatness Brother Rob Thurman is co-hosting dinner at Atomic Cowboy in The Grove…

Oh, hell yes!

Taste for Tunes is a benefit for KDHX Community Media.

Show up, eat and do some good!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Veritas...

A bitch had a truly shit-based drama filled weekend.

Rest and relaxation, my black ass!

The single bright spot was my radio interview on KFAI . I had the honor of being interviewed on their Womanist Power Authority show by my sistah in the struggle, the fantabulous Patricia Nelson.

Lawd knows a bitch adores Minneapolis (wink) and I had a lot of fun.

This bitch hopes to return to KFAI in November to rally the vote...by any means necessary!

The rest of my weekend (before and after)...well, a bitch has decided to pull an O'Hara on that shit...

As Gawd is my witness, this bitch will never have another weekend like this again!

Lawd, give me strength...

Friday, September 01, 2006

Friday list making...

Thank Gawd for the weekend!

The Labor Day Holiday weekend may be all about rest for some folks, but this bitch is going to take advantage of the long weekend and get some shit done.

ABB’s Labor Day Holiday list of shit to get done…

Finish addressing the paper hoarding issue.
A bitch came out as a paper hoarder a few months ago and made some fantabulous progress with the Great Shred Festival of 2006. I have since been distracted by all manner of drama and bullshit, but this bitch is going to complete that project this weekend or my name isn’t Shark-Fu!

Clean up my area.
Above and beyond the paper hording problem, a bitch has really let my living area go. Time to get down to the bitness of taking care of my bitness! Plus, the level of cleaning I’m looking at counts as a workout too.

Writing followed by more writing.
A bitch has been neglecting my book...big time!

Time to dive back in and complete that shit.

Whew!

This bitch feels better already.

Have a fantabulous and safe weekend...