Thursday, July 13, 2006

Pondering current drama...

Recent events in the Middle East highlight the diplomatic challenges facing that region.

It appears to me that we are harvesting the bitter crop produced from that bioengineered seed called The Bush Doctrine.

Diplomacy and Lessons Learned from Basic Cooking…
Israel has launched a multi-front offensive against Lebanon and Gaza. The United States of America is floundering at the wheel here…having taken credit for a democratic government in Lebanon and celebrated the ouster of Syrian troops just months ago, they now have Israel aggressing against Lebanon for actions perpetrated by Hezbollah (Hezbollah having been positioned on the public relation tip as not being a part of the Lebanese democratic governmental success that America took credit for, but CNN was kind enough to point out that members do hold elected office).

Sound something like this to me...

Say we have militias in Michigan who regularly engage and kill Canadians across the border and evade domestic capture. Said Michigan militia fighters kidnap Canadian soldiers and bomb border towns, sparking an aggressive response from Canada. Canada bombs Detroit and the airport there, to which the Mayor of Detroit responds by saying “What the fuck? Why are you bombing us? We’re trying to deal with those pesky militias too, but they have support on the border and it’s just not easy!” To which Canada responds…"The bombings will continue until the soldiers are released.” And then the militia tosses a few more bombs…followed by a formal statement of responsibility…followed by Canada closing the border and denying entry…followed by further escalation and drama.

But mayhap a bitch is reading this wrong.

Anyhoo, a bitch is concerned because there doesn’t seem to be a clear path to calm. There are lives at stake…soldiers have been kidnapped and cities are being shelled.

Above and beyond that, this bitch is also concerned about the message being sent by this bizarre set of events.

Syria occupied Lebanon. We encouraged the Lebanese people to boot Syria. A popular Lebanese political figure was killed, which ignited the kindling of a democratic movement that we have been encouraging in Lebanon as part of The Bush Doctrine. The people boot the Syrian military presence. We get all excited and claim Lebanon as an example of the viral spreading of democracy throughout the region…that virus being introduced to the region, according to us, but our ‘liberation’ of Iraq.

So, Lebanon has a young democratically elected government…they still have to deal with the presence of Hezbollah…Israel and Hezbollah are still going at it…and America is now caught in the middle.

The problem is that we are acting like we aren’t caught in the middle…which may lead some aspiring democratic movements in the region to ask what the fucking benefits to an American allegiance are.

Another problem is that Israel clearly does not view the Lebanese government as separate from Hezbollah, but including some Hezbollah elements. Makes sense on the surface because all countries are somewhat responsible with what is launched from within their borders. But a newly elected democratic government being showed up by Israel is exactly what Hezbollah recruitment needs. Shit, y’all might as well shoot an infomercial for them!

Mercy.

And don't get me started on Gaza. America hated Arafat...we saw him as a barrier to all things positive...he dies and we push for elections because we just know that the people are starving for democracy.

And they were! They democratically elected Hamas.

Yeah.

Good times.

This ram it through and clean it up later technique of diplomacy reminds me of my wee years when I learned some of the basic rules of cooking.

Follow me here.

A bitch used to be impatient in the kitchen....fuck it, everywhere. My ass was always frustrated with how long it took to cook things. Shit, when you’re hungry you’re hungry! But I learned a lesson about patience when boiling eggs one day.

C-Money was eating hard boiled eggs and they looked beyond yummy. A bitch just had to have some.

ABB to C-Money"How long do I have to cook eggs for them to be done?”

C-Money to ABB"Gawd, everyone knows that.”

ABB in response"Just tell me, you ass! Gawd!”

C-Money shot back"Boil them for 15 minutes.”

Rolling my eyes I went to the kitchen to rustle up some yummified hard boiled eggs.

Water went into a pan…the gas was turned up to high…eggs were dropped in.

Tick was followed by tock and then tick again.

What the fuck?

Boil, motherfuckers!

Boil!

Finally, after what seemed like hours the water began to boil.

Beyond frustrated with the amount of time it was taking to reach 15 minutes (wink), a bitch said fuck it!

Water was drained, shells were peeled and a bitch prepared to dine.

C-Money to ABB"You asshole. There’s no way those eggs are done.”

ABB to C-Money"Shut up! I boiled them.”

C-Money with a smirk"Yeah. Right.”

One bite told the tale. Yolk oozed forth. A bitch is not a fan of soft boiled eggs.

But Bitch, what the hell does that have to do with the drama in the Middle East?

Glad you asked!

See, my rushing the egg boiling process was the basic cooking equivalent of Cowboy Diplomacy within the Bush Doctrine. Real diplomacy…grown folks diplomacy…takes time.

Oh, you’ll get a product...quickly...through Cowboy Diplomacy, but it may not be the hard boiled version you wanted. If you have the perfect hard boiled egg as a goal you should set that water to boil, add the eggs and wait 15 minutes.

Diplomacy takes time and a lot of patience if you wanna get it right. Rushing it and not having a care for the details can result in a motherfucking mess.

Unless runny egg yolk all over your face is your goal.

Shit, some people should stay the hell out of the kitchen altogether...

6 comments:

Regina said...

I just love your allegories, Shark-Fu. The stories are a hoot to read, and the comparisons are apt. You go.

chad said...

Best to place eggs is cold water and once the water comes to a boil then boil for 17/20 minutes- for best eggs-I've been gone for awhile but it is good to be back and reading you

sailorman said...

Say we have militias in Michigan who regularly engage and kill Canadians across the border and evade domestic capture. Said Michigan militia fighters kidnap Canadian soldiers and bomb border towns, sparking an aggressive response from Canada. Canada bombs Detroit and the airport there, to which the Mayor of Detroit responds by saying “What the fuck? Why are you bombing us? We’re trying to deal with those pesky militias too, but they have support on the border and it’s just not easy!” To which Canada responds…"The bombings will continue until the soldiers are released.” And then the militia tosses a few more bombs…followed by a formal statement of responsibility…followed by Canada closing the border and denying entry…followed by further escalation and drama.

That is a really good analogy, one of the better ones I've read.

problem is:

What if Canada thinks michigan is lying? (ignore objectivity for a moment here). What if canada thinks michigan actually LIKES the militia, and is only saying "we can't control them" because it is difficult to disprove? What if the militia actualy had a nice known support group and were part of the miching government? What if Canada thought that Michigan was damn well capable of donig something about it if it wanted to, but since it didn't arrest any of those pesky militiamen it doesn't have much authority?

Sigh. The situation really sucks.

I, Jester said...

Take theory: apply to Iraq, Afghanistan

Whenever I think about this, I just get more and more depressed. The lesson of all these failures seems to be: butt out.

But then, surely it's possible to do something about the situation. Maybe the lesson should be: if you can't butt out, at least be fair, be considered. Intervene out of a genuine desire to improve things and willingness to take an evidence (or "reality") based approach. And don't act only according to US interests.

jcc said...

To paraphrase the immortal Johnny (Mike Leigh's 'Naked'),"you can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs,and the Middle East is just a cracked egg...and the omelet stinks"

The Part Time Instructor said...

Add this to your analogy of Michigan verses Canada and you might be closer to the reality.

Michigan’s militias want to wipe Canada off the map and “clean” the world of anything Canadian. As they set about doing this, the rest of Michigan and other States around them supply support and encouragement, and in the process chastise Canada for every move they make to try and protect themselves. When those in Michigan and the surrounding States are not busy trying to wipe every trace of Canada off the world map, they spend their time teaching their children to hate anything Canadian.

On this side of the world, we are aware of anti-Semitism, but most cannot even imagine the level of it in many of the Arab countries. Because we cannot fathom its strength, no analogy will work properly to explain what is going on there now, and has gone on there for the past 60 years.