Thursday, December 22, 2005

AngryBlackSantaBitch’s midday adventure…

This bitch arrived at the shelter to drop off presents and toys and such for the chil’ren there. My ass was properly bitchy, because one of the gift-bags ripped and a bitch had to retrieve then re-stuff all while shielding the loot from the watchful eyes of chil’ren spying out the window.

Drama!

Anyhoo, a bitch finally made it into the building and ‘round the corner to deposit the loot in an off limits office.

Now, this bitch had every intention of escaping quickly, but…well, a bitch is a softy and just had to visit with the chil’ren for a spell.

Who can resist other people’s chil’ren? You can get them all riled up then leave when they crap themselves… the ultimate in non-child having bitchitude-based parental torture!

So, a bitch settled in for a chat with a wee one (almost 5) we’ll call Pete.

Pete, looking as serious as a kindergarten student at snack time…"Pull up a chair (pronounced chay-yahr)! You can sit right there! Sit down, sit down, sit doooooowwwwwnnnn!”

ABB, desperate to shut Pete up, sat my ass down.

ABB, with Pete now in my lap pretending to read to me, asks…"So, have you missed me?”

Pete, turning on his toddler eyes…"Yeah! Where have you been?”

ABB, with a sigh…"Working and being grown.”

Pete, rolling his eyes…"Oh, I know all ‘bout that.”

ABB, cocking my head…"Yeah? You got a job, Pete?”

Pete, jumping off my lap in excitement…"Do I! I’m ‘sponsible for being an older (pronounced ohwder) brother and not make Mom mad.”

ABB, sincerely shocked silent, quickly regrouped…"That’s quit a job!”

Pete, settling back on my lap…"Tell me ‘bout it. But the pay's good.”

ABB, certain Pete must be watching too much television,…"Whatcha make?”

Pete…"One Kool-Aid ice pop a day. Want one?”

ABB, thinking that kind of pay didn’t sound half bad, asked the crucial question…"Got grape?”

And a certain wee little Pete and this bitch kicked back with two fully loaded grape Kool-Aid ice pops and shot the shit.

Now that’s what a bitch calls a bitness lunch!

Fantabulous! More AngryBlackSantaBitch festivities tonight when me and my mentee hit the town....

Lawd have mercy...

5 comments:

It's Me, Maven... said...

Moments like that are great! Enjoy it!

Hammer said...

Sweet!

Trade and Tryon said...

you are the best, I think I may become the ABB of Charlotte, North Carolina, yeah....I think I will.

Happy Holidays!

bitchphd said...

Awesome.

Kim said...

Now that's a good day.