Wednesday, November 09, 2005

A second chance at love...

A bitch spent a wonderful evening last night with a dear friend and several Cosmopolitans! Fantabulous! My ass dropped by a political fundraiser then settled down for snackables and yummy drinks.

This bitch was pleased to hear that Jane Bogetto won her race for the 94th House seat in Missouri! My ass did some phone banking for her campaign, so a bitch wanted to see my efforts pay off. Her opponent had used gay and lesbian equality as a wedge issue, which had paid off in the past here in Missouri, but Ms. Bogetto pulled off a victory. More importantly, Bogetto didn’t distance herself from equality when it was used to attack her…that’s a victory for us all. Congrats to Ms. Bogetto, the residents of the 94th and everyone who worked so hard on her campaign!

Democrats put on their party hats last night with political victories in Virginia and New Jersey, where they won both governor seats.

Wow.

Shit, a bitch forgot what it was like to face a political battle and wake up with a happy hangover!

Conservatives hit the spin hard as a motherfucker this morning, trying to frame these losses as par for the course. This bitch is impressed with the spin machine, but the spin don’t hold water. Scooter personally called for voters to support the republican candidate in Virginia…you put your name behind it, honey, and you own it. Didn’t y’all learn anything from the Iraq war debacle?

Anyhoo, we liberals can indulge in one more hour of celebration then we need to put our thinking caps on, because these 'anything but Bush' victories will not hold in 2006.

Its time to build a platform, chil’ren!

A second chance at love…
A bitch ended my most serious love affair because neither one of us wanted to fight for it. We shifted apart, our friendship became superficial and one day we both woke up and were no longer mates. My ass regrets not having a serious conversation when things were going sour, but a bitch has learned from love lost.

That’s why this bitch is having a serious relationship conversation with my governmental mate…the United States Government!

Dear Federal baby doll,

We need to talk.

A bitch isn’t happy. My ass isn’t getting what a bitch needs out of this relationship. No, let me finish then you can go away and think…you’ve said enough already and you havn't been making sense.

A bitch has watched us come together against common enemies, which is good. But no relationship is solid if it is built only on unity against adversity. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Our relationship has been shaky. We stopped talking for a spell and the passion has been lacking for quite some time. But when my ass looks back at our history, at our relationship, a bitch sees the promise of a better future.

Through thick and thin, feast and famine, happiness and sorrow, victory and defeat...you are my governmental mate.

And a bitch ain’t getting a divorce anytime soon. Wife or widow, honey…and my ass ain’t dying!

So, now what? How do we repair the damage, learn from our mistakes and bring that spark back into our political marriage?

Usually, a bitch spices relationships up by getting naked grabbing a bucket of chicken and a bottle of bubbly…but that’s not going to fly is it?

Honey, a bitch has needs!

A bitch needs some fiscal responsibility. If you expect me to be wise with money then you have to be too.

A bitch needs security…the social kind. My ass needs to know that you will be there for me when my ass is old and gray…that you won’t just leave me to wither and suffer! You current plan is shaky, but it can be fixed…will you do that for me? Will you turn that promise into a real nest egg?

A bitch needs to know that our chil’ren will be able to read and write and add shit up. My ass can take care of the spirituality, but a bitch needs a partner in this education game. This bitch can’t continue to tell the chil’ren to read only to have you refuse to pay for the books! Honey, we have the money! Can we please come to an agreement here? Do you really need another bridge to nowhere? Another endless ego driven war? Is this some kind of midlife crisis?

No, don’t answer that! Let me finish.

Baby doll, this bitch knows that my ass needs to contribute to the family budget. But, it’s insulting when you run off and spend tons of money on wars and such then turn around and bitch because my ass wants to fund a fucking environmental improvement project! My needs are valid and, had we discussed this war honestly, my ass thinks you would have reconsidered. Now, my brother needs some help with his Medicaid and you’ve blown our surplus!

Oh, and your brother...the state of Missouri...why do you keep supporting him when you know he's got problems? He needs to go for financial counseling...and end that sick relationship he's in with that 'ho, Ms. Special Interests! Stop feeding his ego and keep it real...you can start be setting a good example.

Is that any way to provide for our family?

Let’s make a promise to each other…honesty, trust and unity going forward.

Oh, and no splurging on tax cuts when we need a new domestic policy roof on this house!

Well, my ass is so glad we had this talk. A bitch adores you and hopes that this will be a new page in our relationship.

A bitch believes in commitment…otherwise my ass would have had an affair with Canada a long time ago…

6 comments:

Domain Expert said...

From Angry Old Bitch:

And thats the way it REALLY IS. One can only hope that our straying lover will heed your words of wisdom.

BTW starting a new blog regarding the tech start up I have been working on for 5 years. We finally got a little funding and have decided to go for it...against the odds!!! We are showing how a bitch will do some serious technology shit!!!!

Maureen O'Danu said...

Awesome, ABB. I wish I could talk in your voice without sounding ridiculous and somehow vaguely racist, because it's just so beautiful, but this white Irish girl originally from New England just can't pull it off correctly. She can only admire it.

Hats off!

It's Me, Maven... said...

Pretty sad isn't it? Canada for most of us is our "Plan B," or "escape route,"however Americans (in stark contrast to their Canadian counterparts) know so very little about our neighbor to the north.

As always... love, love, love your post!

madgerino said...

Awesome analogy, ABB. Also helps to explain some of the bitterness I've been feeling; it IS betrayal and disappointment, and it IS personal. Thanks for, again, deliciously pointing out what's goin' on.

Mr. Brian said...

Kudos to Ms. Bogette's victory. Love the post. The personifications of the governments made it that much more enjoyable.

Chase said...

That's the most brilliant love letter I ever read. I hope it works.