Thursday, November 03, 2005

Broke as a motherfucker...

Happy Thursday, Chil’ren!

Jumping in without a touch of fear…

2 cups coffee with ample portions of Splenda and 1% organic milk, 1 Claritin, 2 fake-assed government regulated pseudo-Sudafed and cigs…

A bitch would like to welcome any new readers who found my ass through Salon.com! My name is Shark-fu and my ass will be your angryblackbitch today…

Praise and adoration to Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald! My beloved Fitz has removed Scooter Libby from the scene, thus protecting a bitch’s nickname for President Bush! Fantabulous work…cookies are in the mail. ABB predicts a plea but prays fervently for a long, tedious and embarrassing trial.

Moving forward…

Broke as a motherfucker…
America is broke. The first step to getting over a problem is admitting you have one. Chil’ren, we are broke as a motherfucker!

We have no money. What we spend we get from loans. Our surplus is no more and now those wild and crazy kids in the House of Representatives are dusting off their calculators and trying to cut $50 billion from the budget.

Repeat after me…$50 billion.

Now, this pisses a bitch off on several levels.

#1 – What kind of fucking Republicans are these people?
A bitch grew up in the Reagan era. Yeah, my ass was born during the demise of Nixon’s second term. Yeah, a bitch lived under the Carter administration for a quick second. But, basically my ass grew up under Reagan…8 long years of The Gipper.

Jesus! Give a bitch a second to recover.

It’s still hard to talk about it!

Okay.

Republicans pitch themselves as fiscally conservative. A bitch grew into an adult watching Democrats struggle to save social programs that Republicans insisted our nation could not afford. We were the tax and spend folks and they were the get your hand out of my fucking wallet folks. So, imagine a bitch’s surprise when a new wave of spend happy conservatives took control!

Where the fuck is my surplus? Why the hell don’t we have any money? And if anyone says the phrase 911 a bitch is going to renounce non-violence and lodge my foot where the sun don’t shine!

You need to save some fucking money? Fine! How about refusing your salaries. It’s not as if the federal government does anything anymore. Really. A bitch has been told that disaster relief and management is the state’s responsibility, my health care is my own fucking responsibility, education has federal expectations but is funded locally and that we had best come up with a Missouri plan for the Bird Flu or we are going to be shit out of luck.

Hmmmm. What the fuck is a bitch paying you guys for?

Oh, that’s right! To preserve the sanctity of sorta-sanctified but endable marriage, make sure that biblical phrases stay visible throughout the land, seize my private property for Wal-Mart, dip into family disputes over life support, authorize the fucking up of the environment, confuse the elderly with horrendous forms, send the young to die at war on a whim, claim sovereignty over my uterus and destroy America as we know it…

Deep breath…

…thus guaranteeing a bitch will live out my days alone, hungry, unable to drink the water, surrounded by uneducated heathens and living in a box behind the Wal-Mart that now stands where my home used to be.

Assholes.

#2 – Why are the same people responsible for creating the shit storm entrusted to fix it?

A bitch is confused. The new Republican created bankruptcy law states that a person is going to have a harder time filing for bankruptcy, will have to pay back a large portion of their debt and attend credit counseling.

So, why the fuck isn’t Congress held to the same new criteria?

A bitch proposes that, having fucked up our surplus and driven the nation into debt, our government (Congress and Scooter’s minions) attend credit-counseling classes.

They shall also be required to pay back the balance of the cost of the Iraq War, which was an unnecessary expenditure that was procured under false pretenses. Each official who voted for or made the case for war will be required to set up a payment plan. Each official who voted for or made the case for those totally fucked up tax cuts will have that added to the list of debt. These assholes will sign off on the payment plan, have their wages garnered and then attend credit counseling classes so that we, the motherfucking citizens, will be confident that they will not make the same mistake twice!

Shit, a bitch is thrilled! This new approach to monumental debt is fantabulus! Thanks for the idea, kids.

#3 – What the fuck are you assholes doing about Social Security?
Since a bitch will most likely work until my ass drops, Social Security is not high on my personal list of things to freak out about. No, this bitch’s sole concern for Social Security is based on my acknowledgement that Boomers outnumber Generation Bitch.

Yep, my fellow 30-45ers, our parent’s generation is going to retire and this bitch doesn’t want to wake up with fifteen 75-year-old angry black bitch’s living in my house!

Oh, the horror!

Social Security is still fucked up, but no one is talking about it. Private accounts are not the answer. A bitch is certain that they will cover that in the federally mandated credit counseling classes that our government officials will have to attend!

So…

WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU HAVE IN MIND!

Get to it, motherfuckers. Now is the time. Slash and burn budget cuts are not the only things you fuckers are supposed to be working on.

Oh yeah…America got her ownership society.

A bitch is going to own some governmental ass if these fuckers don't pull it together!

This bitch might be fascinated by the current fireworks display of political scandals, but my ass has no intention of watching those lights dance in the sky while governmental minions rip off my fucking wallet…

6 comments:

Sue Woo said...

Amen. You are, as usual, right on target!

Mr. Brian said...

If the American people truly ran the government instead of the fkd-up miscreants that swindled their way into office, the $50billion would not have flown. As it is, the American public now has to figure out a way to pay off a debt incurred by a spend happy Republican monster-sized government that believes in bailing out scandalous ceo's but punishing the common man.

And for your enjoyment: I saw this on another blog:

Seen on a demonstration sign:

"Would someone please give him a blowjob so we can impeach him?"

cats said...

ah yes, the days of reagan... at least we had john hughes movies then

Katherine said...

. .. there's a quote from a rockefeller or one of those other kingly wealthy dudes and when asked: do you have enough money? he answered: I would like just a bit more. That is what the deal is, right - neurotic rich people wanting only to get richer . . .and we pay their bills . . . they make cruddy employees and bad investments though don't they?

tenaceegirl said...

AMEN Sista! This bitch couldn't have said it any better. Run yo mouth everywhere. Get some billboards...I'll donate to the cause.

Ouijean said...

Who are you, and how come you move me to make such a white asshole of myself? I've spared my pride for forty-fucking-eight years and now I kneel at the knees of a black goddess of nasty-ass politics!!! I've been waiting, it's about GODDAMN TIME!!!!

Praise to the Mother!!!

NeoCleo