Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Philosophicals

A bitch was bored beyond all belief last night. The original plan to sit on my ass and watch documentaries on the Sundance Channel crashed headlong into the evil serpent of re-run documentary programming. Motherfuckers! Can a bitch get a new documentary please? I know they have them. Next Monday had best make up for yesterday…

This morning I woke up to the rhythmic sound of my mostly-beagle snoring. Betsey the beagle’s allergies are acting up and she’s all snotty! A bitch knows she should sympathize, but that mutt snore is too cute for words.

After a 5-minute tummy rub for the mostly-beagle, I stumbled into the kitchen to prepare coffee. A bitch added a dash of cinnamon to the grind this morning…fantabulous!

Philosophicals

Marriage
The Today Show had a segment tackling the topic of cohabitation before marriage. Seems that Katie wanted to know if cohabitation before marriage had any impact on a couple’s survival. A bitch has very firm beliefs on this, even though my ass will never formally marry (a bitch does plan to throw one hell of a party at 40…white dress…strippers…look for the registry at Tiffany’s in 7 years). This bitch isn’t big on formality or veils, but I do adore cake.

Anyhoo, if we test drive a car and try on shoes, why can’t we test out a relationship and see how that works? My heart goes out to women who end up married to an ass that they know would have been exposed as an ass had they only lived with him or her for a few weeks. Or the poor man who wakes up one month into a marriage and realizes that his partner really is a shrew…that’s gotta suck. The only complaint against cohabitation is that it is a supposed "sin". But this bitch feels that taking an oath before The Devine One without making sure you can live by that oath is a far greater sin. Walk in the shoes for a mile before you start bragging about how fucking perfect they are…

Guns, the NRA and a bitch
A bitch is not pro-gun. This position in based on a childhood incident that involved my crazy assed mother, a cup of tea, an argument with my father and a loaded .45 on the kitchen table. A bitch was 8 or 9. Quick thinking on the part of my older sister spared our neat little country subdivision from a Lifetime Movie plot. Sigh. You just can’t put guns in the hands of anyone. Trust me…

After my sister buried the bullets in the backyard and inspected the gun to make certain that there was no way our absolutely unstable mother could end a life with it, we all settled down at the kitchen table to sip tea and passively avoid dealing with the disaster that almost took place.

A bitch was amazed to read that the NRA has decided to diss Columbus as a convention location because they had the audacity to ban some sort of shoulder cannon. Who knew it could be that simple to get them to go away? Anyhoo, a bitch believes in gun control and thinks that you would too if you’d seen a gun in the hands of a mentally unstable yet technically proficient bitter short wild-eyed black woman with a grudge against the world.

To be rich and criminal
Roman Polanski is a fugitive. Don’t get me wrong…a bitch loves his movies. But his ass skipped out and ran to Europe after allegedly drugging some young skinny thing in Jack Nicholson’s hot tub and molesting her. Why come he gets to give testimony in some liable case via satellite? Why is the British government granting him this courtesy? Why can’t a bitch be rich enough to manipulate the legal system for 30 years? Why?!?

Something about that cinnamon in the coffee makes a bitch ponder and reflect…

9 comments:

purpletwinkie said...

I saw the marriage story too. I'm totally with you.

I think we should be able to try everything before we buy it. I mean, the TP commercials (with the animated bears taking a dump behind a tree) say that Charmin is the best TP man has delivered. Not.

raej said...

late one evening/early one morning, my nutcase father hid behind the front door with a colt in hand so he could frighten me for coming home 'too late'. . .even though i had called and gotten permission to stay out.

so yeah i think i could give up the whole "guns in the home" notion and feel pretty good about it.

Jenna said...

The thing that sucks about living together first is that when you date you have that new fire cracker feeling, then you move in together and those fire works start to fade into what few people realize is now the meat and potatoes part of the relationship.

This part is difficult and lasts the longest. If people aren't married there isn't anything sealing the deal so....people tend to run when the going gets rough.

People misinterperate tbe fireworks for love. They think because they suddenly aren't smoking hot for their significant other that the love is gone when in reality....That is when the real work begins...Trust me I've been attatched for 13 years.

Catherine Vocalist said...

Your mom with a gun and mine with a knife. Unfortunately, my sisters and I were too young to figure it out and so she stabbed my ex step-father in front of us.

Hm, and people wonder why I have issues. :)

dmfinny said...

Jenna --

"If people aren't married there isn't anything sealing the deal so....people tend to run when the going gets rough."

I don't think marriage, for straight or gay couples, will "seal the deal." As a lesbian who had a commitment ceremony, I want the right to marry, but am clear that marriage isn't the deal-breaker. The deal-breaker is whether or not people stay when things get rough. You don't need a piece of paper to know that. And that's the part the DOM'ers don't seem to understand.

The Quintessential Negro said...

On Marriage and Cohabitation: Just last night on a rerun of the Cosby Show, Mr. and Mrs. Huxtable cut off the money to Theo because he moved in with his girlfriend Justine. Their response to his cohabitation was indicative of the way older folks respond to the youngstas "living in sin." It seems that cohabitation is as unnatural to our parents and grandparents as it is natural to us. Anyone that has gone to college in the last 10 years and had a girlfriend or a boyfriend surely spent most nights together in one dorm or the other. That's just the way it was. That's the way it is.

When a couple of twenty or thirtysomethings live together, it's usually much more serious than a college fling, but it's still an extension of those two kids sharing the extra long twin bed in that tiny ass dorm. It's still reflective of an attitude change. Add the facts that the economy sucks and it's cheaper to live with your partner, and then it's no surprise that so many unmarried couples live together. You can lump me into that category.

It's Me, Maven... said...

I'm with you on the party, and cake, and white dress when you turn 40. Sex and the City did an episode similar. Carrie was tired of providing gift after gift for friends getting married, and decided to register for a pair of Manolo Blahniks for herself (of course after a "friend" attempted to scam her out of them). Good choice. If I had to suggest a cake for you, make it a red velvet or a Lady Baltimore cake, and plenty of buttah-cream!

I hope I don't come off as a lunatic, and worse yet, come off as trite, but... guns don't kill people... People kill people. I am not too sure of this shoulder cannon stuff, I have to read a bit deeper for that; however, most NRA folk I know (dad included), all are for/pro registering and waiting to obtain firearms. Most firearms which are used to perpetrate crimes could easily have been obtained out of the back of a van/truck sent from the south to the north and bought for a few bucks from some Louie No-Neck or Jimmy Da Fish.

Shark-fu said...

Miz Maven...a bitch agrees that people are the problem. Alls I'm saying is that the current system doesn't address the people, so crazy people like my Mother can have all the guns they want.

Be afraid...be very afraid...!

gogopinkkitty said...

Um, on the marriage tip... I just throw myself a big ass party every year where I can be the center of attention and wear a pretty dress... ok, three pretty dresses. That way I don't feel the need to marry some idiot I'll just divorce when the drugs wear off...