Hi. Welcome to AngryBlackBitch.com! My name is AngryBlackBitch and I’ll be your writer this morning. Our specials today are…
That Silver Ring Thing
A bitch caught 60 Minutes yesterday, and boy was it worth it! Ed Bradley did a piece on The Silver Ring Thing, which is a Virginity Pledge cult that preaches abstinence-only until marriage. The ministry was defending itself against recent data that shows that these pledged virgins don’t use protection when they fall from grace and get some. Blah, blah, blah. What do you expect to happen when you remove sex ed. from the classroom and then ask a teen to abstain based on faith? If this bitch had a dollar for every married-before-God man and woman who’s tried to get in my pants I’d be living large in the South of France! So what makes us think the electric youth are going to fair any better on the faith alone?
Anyhoo, the best part of the segment was when Claude Allen, the President’s domestic policy advisor on the promotion of the absence of sex, was interviewed. If a bitch had smell-o-vision the distinctive scent of lavender would have filled up my smoke filled room!
Hmmm. How does one put this gently?
Claude? Change starts from within, honey! Don’t keep “it” in the closet.
A bitch thinks thou doeth gay-hate and sex-abstain too much...
Why are you yelling at me? Don’t you know who my huuuusband is?
First Lady Laura Bush made a trip on our dime to the Middle East. Draped in her best knock-off Jackie O. black lace scarf-like thing, Laura attempted to charm the locals by bowing her head and ducking for cover. The press seemed shocked that both Jews and Muslims in Israel heckled the First Lady. A bitch would like to point out to the American media that not everyone is drinking the Kool-Aid. But, hats off to Laura B. for accomplishing what her huuuusband Scooter hasn’t been able to do in Israel; get Jews and Muslim to unite under a single policy… which was to make sure the very flat-tongued and bright eyed Laura got the verbal ass whooping her huuuuusband isn’t man enough to face.
There’s your souvenir honey! Now you go on home and take that message to Scooter. Go on, now!
Sometimes, when I’m all alone, I wonder what it would be like to be Rush Limbaugh.
Rush Limbaugh has got it made. He does! His ass is still on the air stirring up shit and tossing out lies. He still lives in an amazing pad. I believe that he’s still boning Daryn Kagan from CNN. Oh, and he can still afford Roy Black as a lawyer. The last one is important, because Rush hasn’t seen any parts of a jail cell even though he is guilty as a fox with a chicken in its fucking mouth.
Let’s all say it together, shall we? Rush Limbaugh is a fucking drug fiend!
I adore the word "fiend", because it really does sum up the fact that a broke Rush would be handing out $5 blowjobs on MLK Blvd. for a hit. But Rush has money, honey! So, the drug policy gets…well…revised for his ass. No jail, even though it’s been a while since he confessed to popping illegal pills. No prosecution, even though prosecutors have him scoring extra pills through his housekeeper. No punishment at all, because Rush is a card carrying member of the privileged elite. And I hate him! And I hate the fucking prosecutor for not having the decency to put his ass behind bars for a crime poor people go to federal prison for. Justice ain’t blind when your ass is holding some fucking cash…it’s just a greedy money hungry whore.