Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Give Ann a Chance.....

Today I'm in a pissy mood. I'm clearly PMSing because my "friend" will arrive next week. But, fuck me if the morning news didn't push my hormonal ass over the edge......

After listening to 30 minutes of bullshit and more bullshit my ears pricked up at the mention of Ann Coulter being heckled at some lecture she was giving in Kansas. She made some evil assed comment that made the CNN sound-bite segment, which they rip off from Newsweek each week. Honestly, I'm surprised that Ann got dissed in Kansas. Those are her people, right? It got me thinking about how angry and bitter her pruned up ass is and wondering why she's still so pissed at the liberal left after her people have basically taken over the world. I've come up with one simple conclusion.......Ann Coulter needs to be loved. She's crying out for love!! Not sexual love (though I personally think she'd benefit greatly from a three octave achieving face-contorting screaming five minute orgasm) .....but real emotional love.

See, Ann Coulter has paid her dues. I hate her, but even I have to admit that her evil ass has done the Lord's work for the Republican Party. She's made herself the object of media scorn, published articles so plagued with inaccuracies that she's no longer considered intellectually relevant or sane and attacked liberals with the ferocious dedication of a starved dog. Doesn't she deserve love from her people? Yet, I never see her embraced by Republicans or even invited to sit next to them publicly. Shit, Mary Matlin is loved and gets invited to dinner and she married a fucking Democrat! Yet, Ann Coulter is still the last bitch picked for kickball. It's sad!

Why doesn't Ann Coulter have friends or a husband? She's frightfully thin and wears large freakishly symbolic crosses - doesn't that level of starvation and idol worship turn neo-cons on? Okay, she's not a natural blond and there have been several shocking incidents with tar black roots, but her hair is long and does detract from the general horseyness of her face. Neo-cons need to overlook the fact that she's a faux Aryan and give her a chance! Ann has great legs, if you like that boney blue-veined look. She's well educated on paper and, even though I suspect that she's forgotten almost everything she learned while kissing ass and making enemies at Cornell, she can carry on a conversation as long as it's about how liberals are ruining the world. Neo-con's love rehashing that tired assed shit, right?!?

It's time to find Ann Coulter some love! ABB believes that there is a friend for everyone. If Karen Hughes' rancid ass get's to dance at the barbecue then damnit Ann should too! Otherwise all this morally bankrupt selling of her soul to the devil and sexual repression will have been for naught. So, here goes nothing.....

Dear Conservative America,
Please pick Ann Coulter for the kickball team, invite her to dinner or marry her so she can shut her evil-assed sexually repressed "still bitter because no one wanted to sit next to her on the bus in high school" wanna be Aryan but most likely terrified that someone will find out that her maternal grandparents were "ethnic" .....Ivy League embarrassment ass up!

2 comments:

Jeff said...

A. Men.

Absolut Billy said...

I love you more each day I read this ABB. There are very few people on this planet I would willingly and openly call a cunt, but Ann is one. Oh to be the one that sticks a shive in her at a book signing, only to slip off into a large display of Rush and O'Riley books never to be caught.

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http://www.pro-state-skate.com/terrieaster.html