Friday, April 29, 2005

Falling off the wagon never felt so good.....

I woke with a start this morning. My allergies are on crack and my head is all stuffy. So, of course I popped some OTC meds. You know, to soooooothe and alleviate! Once they kicked in, I layered on a nice coat of coffee and watched the morning re-hash of the President’s press conference. Sorry y’all, but Animal Planet was too disturbing! I mean, a bitch has limits and watching folks be evil to dawgs is too much.

Jumping gleefully off the wagon, I settled down for some Katie, Matt & Al. Tim Russert gave the re-cap thang the good ole college try. But lets be honest, this President is generally boring as hell and short on the details.

ABB General Understanding of Shit Post Press Conference
Scooter (we’re close like that) plans to reduce benefits and put all our eggs in the mental asylum known as the Stock Market. In response to concerns that the Stock Market is about as stable as my Mom whacked out on Xanax in 1985, Scooter pointed out that soon to retire folks can just move all that money into….Bonds. Yep, Bonds! Would those be War Bonds, Scooter…?

Scooter on the war…
“All I know is that we’re winning!” Scooter proclaimed, as if saying it would make it so.

Scooter regarding the price of gas...
“I have an energy plan!” He throws out, hoping that no one will actually read it.

Scooter on the use of faith to condemn anyone who disagrees with the RNC...
“Faith is important to me.” Scooter stated with deep conviction. Honey, we know that; just look at all the votes that “faith” hustle rustled up for your ass!

You’ve got to love this shit! A bitch is thrilled with Scooter’s dwindling approval numbers. Honestly, in a few weeks all those faith voters will realize that Scooter isn’t God. Gasp! Nope, he’s just a dumb assed wanna be Texan fumbling his way through a second term.

On behalf of all the liberal angry bitter oppressed peoples who didn’t vote for this lame ass…we told you so!

Sigh. Thank goodness for Mrs. Michael Jackson fucking up the prosecution’s case by acting like M.J. was the second coming. Otherwise, this weekend’s news cycle would be a total bust.


Happy Friday!

9 comments:

disgruntled said...

LOL...you kill me!

Tiger Lilly said...

Ah, you inspire me!

Clipgirl said...

Thank you for breaking it down for us, ABB. I tried to watch that crap last night and could not understand what the hell he was trying to say. I think HE may have been on crack.

BaltimoreLenore said...

I'll always think of him a Scooter now, lol!

Blood Ray said...

Scooter lost me in the first two minutes when he mispronounced "interim."

billystl9 said...

My favorite line was in response to a question he didnt bother to answer (which is par for the course)he prefaced his reply with "For those of you that are listening..."

Jessica said...

You are my new big blogcrush.

It's Me, Maven... said...

Thought you might find this amusing...

Couric Restrained Due to Today Show Staff Fears,
http://datelinehollywood.com/archives/2005/05/02/couric-restrained-as-today-show-staff-fears-for-their-lives/

billystl9 said...

HAHAHHA I read this quote from Scooter on a friends blog:

""It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." -April 28, 2005"