Friday, February 25, 2005

Let the Star Fucking Begin!

I love celebrities and I love movies! With that out of the way, let me say that they still aren't all that. I don't star fuck, but there is nothing more enjoyable than watching others do it.

Star fucking, by my definition, is the best defined as a complete and literal act. Katie is a great example of a Star Fucker. When a star is on the show she engages in a lot of pre-sex set up - "I just love this next guest!" and "Brad is such a nice person, I can't wait to chat with him!". Although she's also good for a round of player-hating cattiness with the womens "Gosh, (insert star) you must spend all day in the gym to look like that" or "Do you ever get afraid of growing old and becoming irrelevant?". Usually, Katie star fucks like a pre-teen at an N-Sync concert. It escalates within the interview until you reach the point that you wouldn't be surprised if she jumped the poor soul!

Now we've got to suffer through Star Jones claiming that every Black actor is her "best friend" and dropping wedding hints like "I haven't see you since my wedding! Were you at the table sponsored by Visa or Evian?".

I long for the days of Joan Rivers sans Melissa. The original Bitch used to smile and gush, but never with sincerity. Following day you'd get a full write up that some called two-faced but I called fantastic! Her real achievement was being invited back and getting interviews from stars that she just slammed.

Which brings me to my final point - stars don't need to be fucked like that! Joan didn't have to be sincere, she just had to be accurate. Ahh, give me the good old days when the fashion mistakes of the Golden Globes were corrected by Ms. Rivers keepin it real post show. By the Oscars she had her bitches in check!

2 comments:

princessdominique said...

Dear ABB,

That was simply hilarious. I never heard the term but yes, I'd imagine that it is a complete act. I've seen people do it on tv too and the Star Jones bit, had me laughing so hard I was crying real tears! Thanks for the reprieve. I needed that!

This Guy said...

You go, Ms Channing!